The Mystery of the Big Girl

So those of you by now who haven't realized this...I am a big girl. Have been all of my life. Well...no, that's not exactly true. When I danced 6 days a week, I was a size 9/10. But even that is big...for a dancer, anyway.

But enough babbling about that. This note is about the 'big girl' stigma.

And there is a stigma, believe me. There are some people who still look at the big girl and wonder how she got to be that big, or if they like themselves that size, or who loves a girl like that...today I got someone who told me that I would be sooo pretty if I would just lose 100 pounds or so. I could've easily said, "well, you'd be so pretty if you...oh. wait. you wouldn't be pretty anyway". But I didn't. It's not necessary. Her commentary was simply indicative of being ignorant. Or at the very least, tactless.

I was born beautiful and I will die beautiful, whether I am a size 20 or a size 2. And what makes me beautiful is my ability to carry myself in an educated and sophisticated manner. It's my ability to weave words with a few strokes of a pen or a few typed words. It's my ability to create ANYTHING in any kitchen you put me in. It's my face. It's my stride. It's who I am. So if I decide to lose weight, then I lose weight because I want to. If I don't, and I'm healthy (because there are a LOT of skinny or slim UNHEALTHY people), then I just don't. I learn to be who I am and anyone I encounter can take it or leave it.

There are so many young women and older women out there who are not confident in themselves and who feel that because they are big, they have to subject themselves to doing or being a certain way because they won't attract anyone because of their size. The thing is, if you don't have self esteem and self confidence, then it really doesn't matter WHAT size you are, they're not going to be attracted to you anyway. And chances are, you're attracting the wrong man, because it takes a confident, strong man to love or appreciate a big girl, just like it takes a confident and strong man to appreciate any girl. Know who you're attracting.

Some men find themselves trying to make a big girl feel special. I LOVE feeling special. I don't need a pity special, though. See, the thing is, contrary to popular belief, I don't have issues attracting anyone. I attract those who can handle me, as most women do. I laugh sometimes because some people are so surprised who they'll see a big girl with. Like, "how'd she get him?" What do you mean? Because I'm big, am I not entitled to have a fine man? What, I can't handle that? SMH. So cute. So funny. So sad. A big girl is a woman just like any other woman, and, if that big girl has the demeanor and the know how to get the man, then she's walking away with the man. Gentlemen, ladies, no need to pigeonhole the big girl. I got this, don't worry about me.

Sometimes I don't feel beautiful. Yes, I said it. It had to be said. The reason is, everyone has their days when they don't feel at their best. I'm not sure why there's such an assumption that a big girl is depressed or down most of the time (I have heard some doozies, trust), but the truth is, at least for me, I swear that last time I checked, I had ups and downs like any other woman. So I don't always feel pretty. When I get like that, I go and I look in the mirror. Then I go to the kitchen. (Don't laugh, I'm not going to EAT.) I go to my portfolio. My degree. My resume. My daughter. I go and I examine everything that makes me the flyest woman this side of Queens...and then I go and relax and drink a glass of water because I done got myself too hot. LOL.

The point of my whole diatribe is that a big girl is no different than any other woman. Sure, maybe our body mass index is grossly over the national average, but here's a secret: So are most women. There are like, a handful of women who ACTUALLY fit into their BMI category...and if you're one of them, good for you. If you're not...ok, and?

Now go find you a big girl and hug 'em. There's a whole lotta love there. LOL. (I had to end it this way, I caught myself getting too serious...lol)

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