Being Not Afraid and the Death of E.Lynn

Let me start with E. Lynn. According to AP reports via his publicist, E. Lynn Harris, New York Times best-selling author of African American fiction such as "Invisible Life" and "If This World Were Mine", passed away on July 23 at the age of 54 due to a heart attack. It also alluded to additional health problems that caused him to rapidly deteriorate recently.

This is actually the first I am hearing of E. Lynn being sick. If you don't know the significance of E. Lynn Harris to the literary world, he is credited with bringing many of the DL behaviors and gay community information to the forefront in his books, paving the way for similarly themed African American authors such as James Earl Hardy. His first book, "Invisible Life", was self published at first; he had a hard time getting a publishing house to pick it up due to the 'content', however, one of the managers in the bookstores he would push to pick up his books directed him toward an Anchor Books agent, and the rest is literary history. For him to have passed away, particularly with the LGBT movement happening right now, is sad to say the least. Already the vultures have begun to circle: did E. Lynn have AIDS? Is that why he died? Really, now? Sigh...and I thought this was 2009. SMH.

I was originally going to say a little bit about some people who have book homophobia, but I wanted to take a moment to discuss some of the epiphanies that I have been having lately about being scared and getting over it. I mean, look at E. Lynn Harris' death. He was 54. I'm sure he didn't wake up 2 days ago with the intent of dying. Most don't. So when I think about all the things that in my lifetime that I have left unsaid...I wonder what the harm would be in saying them.

As of late, I find myself overpondering lots of things, but more importantly, I wonder about why I have such a difficult time expressing my emotions when it comes to certain things. I know there's my switch and I know that a large portion of it is a defense mechanism of mine that stops me from getting too deep in. It might not be healthy but it's been working for me so far...I think. Lately, I've been wondering if it might be time to let that defense mechanism go. Maybe it's doing me more harm than good.

I think it might be time to find out...

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