Emotions Are A Hell of a Thing

I hope you know that there's a definition coming in all this. Who would I be if I didn't define the term before talking about it? 


Ok. So emotion. It's defined by Merriam Webster Online as "a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body". Now think about this for a second. When you're "feeling some kind of way about something", no matter what the something, your body goes through changes. Perhaps your skin gets hot, either from blushing or from anger. If you're like me, you get the butterflies in your stomach (and that's whether it's a good thing or a bad thing) and you feel a certain level of anxiety. It could be that you appear to be outwardly ambivalent when in reality you are two seconds from exploding (again, be it a good way or a bad way). 


Emotions are a hell of a thing. The behavioral response that comes with the reaction to something, that 'thing' that evokes an emotion, can be paralyzing sometimes, depending on how strongly you feel about it. You could be digging someone and get the quiet brush off, causing feelings of inadequacy and "what did I do wrong?" Physiologically, your body could feel downtrodden and tired, depending on the level of 'in like' you were with the person. But that feeling isn't just limited to relationships. It could be the fear of stepping out on faith to pursue a dream. Fear can be such a paralyzing emotion that it can keep you trapped in a dead end job because you're afraid to dream. Paranoia as an emotion can cause you to think everyone is out to get you when in reality, they could simply be experiencing growing pains. As Ms. Simon noted once, the song might not even be about you. 


Emotions are no joke, and they extend far beyond the reach of the average human relationship. Many in politics react based on emotion versus focusing on the actual facts surrounding a situation. Emotions have been known to cause normally reasonably minded people to eschew basic foundations and fundamental principles, such as ignoring Constitutional rights for the sake of cultural sensitivity. Hell, the last presidential race was one ball of emotion - many Americans used their personal issues and sensibilities regarding race and ethnicity to help them determine the next President, only to hand him to the proverbial wolves when they were dissatisfied with his current results. 


Emotions are a hell of a thing. 


Is there something to do about it? Not really. The challenge with emotions are that they are what make us inherently human, for lack of a catchy yet appropriate cliche. For me, my ability to reason through my emotions, for the most part, is what makes me uniquely me. Conversely, when I reach a point of temporary emotional overload, I'm miserable. I don't like being emotional...or vulnerable. It's not for me. 

What is your challenge when it comes to your emotions? 

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A True Sagittarius Kisses...and Tells

There's an old adage that goes, "You can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar". Or maybe it's flies.


(OK, look. It's about 7:30 in the morning and I haven't had my early morning nap yet. I'm not sure.)


At any rate. Often times, I will encounter a person or people who will challenge me verbally and I will ever so sweetly tell them where they can stick it. I've been told that because I say everything with a smile, especially the not so nice stuff, some people miss the "insult", and, as my best ride or die notes, "the people you talk to arent as intelligent as you so they dont even know you're being mean half the time". 


(That's a direct quote, by the way. I still insist I'm NOT mean.)


All jokes (sorta) aside, one of the traits of a Sagittarius is their omnipresent honesty. It is said that the Sagittarius woman is joyous in general, which is good "because it helps to take some of the sting off of their very honest, often blunt, reactions to the world around them". Other astrological assessments include their "refreshing honesty", as well as  "self-righteous and seriously opinionated, those weak in integrity need to slip away quietly".


Now. Whether you believe in astrology or not, the fact remains that every Sagittarius I know, without fail, including and especially myself, possess all of the above traits. There are times that I find myself cringing slightly as I speak my mind, wondering, "now why in the hell did I feel the need to say that?" This trait carries over to relationships, of course, as do most things. Even as recently as three weeks ago, I was asked why I liked someone, and I answered the question honestly. I was wondering where the hell the "Undo" button on Gmail was RIGHT after I sent it, though, because I instantly realized that I had said way too much. 


And yet, sadly, I wouldn't take back a word. 


I rarely want to. I just wish that the filter that I installed oh-so-many-moons ago would work the way that I asked it to! I decided a while back to try something new, release the safety net that I would hold on to so dearly...and yet, I have a difficult time shutting up sometimes! I was talking to another one of my ride-or-dies yesterday, and she expressed some of the same sentiments about a gentleman that she knows. I listened to her...and then I told her what to expect from this Sagittarius gentleman. And as I told her what to expect (if the trust is there, expect their whole life story, followed by weeks of silence because they realize they're revealed too much), I realized...oh sheesh, I really do the exact same thing! 


Aw...just HELL.


So I've decided to turn over a new leaf. I am going to keep my feelings about many things to myself and save the outbursts for my ride-or-dies who understand and will not look at me with the side eye. (at least, not in public). Let's see how long that lasts...


Do you believe in the zodiac? In astrology? How true do you think your astrological sign is to your personal nature? If you felt you talked or revealed too much, how would you handle it?

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The Death and Rebirth of Communication

I miss the days of being curled up on the couch, twirling the cord around my finger, and talking until the wee hours of the morning. And you know the conversations I'm talking about - the ones where you spend the first hour laughing and giggling and cracking pointless jokes, the second hour being slightly introspective as you decide to get a little deep, the third hour sitting in companionable silence. And this format applies to numerous conversations - significant other or friend. Oh, and how could I forget a sprinkling of gossip?

I decided to hand write this before I typed it up and posted it. So many aspects of the art of communication have died - the beauty of hand writing a letter, the joy of the phone ringing and a voice you wanna hear on the other end, the pleasure of saying to someone, "I'll see you tonight" and mean over dinner - in a restaurant - or maybe in the park - sans all PDAs, phones, iPods, etc.

I am guilty of stabbing communication once or twice. I am the queen of the email - I rarely let a text go unanswered if I'm available to answer it (and sometimes, I'll answer while simultaneously answering an email), I am a Twitter ADDICT (and not just for business), and I just downloaded pMessenger. (just one more way for the unreachable to reach me, right?) Hell, aren't I talking about this on the Internet?

The ability to communicate via fiber optic pathways has both progressed and crippled us as a society. I have friends who actually prefer to converse (not conversate) via text message because they are busy or whatever the case may be. But do you realize that it actually requires more effort to text someone back than to pick up the phone and call them? Not to mention, have you ever thought about just how much can be misinterpreted in a text message?

Think about it...when was the last time you actually "LOL" when you typed/texted it...and, unless you are part of the crack-tabulous antics coming from my Team Household Name, then you are never actually ROFLMAO. (Again, if you're in my crew, though...I'm pretty sure you have more than once.)

But seriously. I miss conversation. And, if you know anything about me, when I self-analyze, if I recognize that there is something that I am doing (or NOT doing) that will prevent me from being my best , I will work on fixing it. So I plan to wean myself slowly off of the communication grid. I miss going out with my friends - to museums and to festivals and to plays - and not just the club, where half the crowd is playing dress up, etc. I'm a self professed nerd who enjoys reading and learning, and I'm going to get back to doing that. I plan on not using my being busy with my business as a texting crutch. And I will be more present with my good friends - hopefully, the feeling will be mutual. =o)

What do you think about the levels of communication in today's society? What about in your own personal society of friends and associates? Would you be willing to take a no-text pledge? If so, for how long?

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Happy Born Day, Chica

So today...my homegirl would've been 29 years old. 


It's pretty ironic how much you find yourself remembering when someone leaves you before what you think their time should be. You may remember my bittersweet ode to the loss of my friend a few months back. Some of you who are reading this may find it interesting how much her passing affected me, particularly when you consider that I had cut her off, as I have with other friends-of-the-moment. 


But my chica was no friend of the moment. She was a friend, even when we weren't speaking. I didn't realize that...until she was gone. It always happens that way, doesn't it?

Elie Tahari's 'Tan Fierce' Shoe (her fave designer)

And to me, that is the true definition of a friend. One of the things about my chica that I will never forget is her overwhelming sentimentality when it came to the celebration of a birthday. Before her, birthdays were...ok...I celebrated them, but not really. With my birthday being so close to Christmas, I always got 'lost in the sauce', so to speak, but my chica treated every birthday as if it were a national holiday...and it eventually rubbed off on me. Before long, I was celebrating birthdays in grand style. I still do. She did, indeed, teach me the value of that. She also taught me about shoes. Now, if you know me, then you know that I love me a good shoe. Always have. My chica taught me how to appreciate a flyyyyyy shoe, as opposed to a fly shoe. She would also encourage me to pay myself 'first', something that I definitely did not do often. (Still don't. Not like I need to.)


Now, again, this is not to say that life with my chica was all fun and games. Part of the challenge when two passionate people become friends is that the passion from each side threatens to over take each other. I learned a lot about myself from the time I turned 20 to my current 28 years...and every year was an evolution from me. With my chica, her process was a bit slower...and eventually, it came down to leaving her behind so that she could grow. From what I learned...she definitely did. It is true that sometimes, you have to walk away from someone for them to become the person that they need to be. I just wish that I would've made that call when I got the urge to. I'm pretty proud of her evolution. Just wish I could've told her so. 


Well, anyway. Today, I've gotta find a way to go drop off some calla lilies and pralines for my friend for her birthday. Maybe I'll grab some Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon for her, too. I'm sure He won't mind if I leave her some. She always appreciated a good red wine. 

Rest in peace, my chica. And happy birthday. =oD 

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The Quest for Normalcy?

I always wondered what my life would be like if I were normal.

When I say normal - perhaps the word 'stable' is a better fit. I mean...I'm not sure what I mean.

I'm rambling. I know. *peers up at blog title*

Alright, allyuh. Hear what going thru meh head. By now, you probably know that I resigned from my full time job to pursue my business aspirations full time. You also know about the many doubts that run through my head with regard to my decision. Many of my good friends and associates have pointed out how proud of me they are, and how they admire what I am doing. To me, that just adds to the pressure. Don't follow what I do. I'm always tired...I'm always dragging (trust me, I just hide it well)...I'm going to be broke for the next three years easily...the list goes on. I mean, it's wonderful to inspire people. But I swear, I'm just a normal woman trying to make it.

There goes that word 'normal' again.

[ I'm going to sidetrack for a second - and this will more than likely be the topic of another blog. But don't you love it when people assume your status because of what you do? Just because I attend many networking events and travel doesn't make me a baller. I simply know how to find the best for free. 9 times out of 10, anywhere that I go or anything that I do, I'm not paying for. I will go anywhere by myself, and I find great deals all the time so that I'm paying next to nothing. Please don't assume. That is all. =o) ]

Sorry. Had to get that out. Anyway...

So many times, I wish I was 'normal'. I wish I could go back to my 9 to 5, come home, make dinner, wash clothes, look at TV to unwind (hell, I couldn't even tell you what's on TV nowadays unless it's on the Food Network or...well, actually, that's about it.), go walk the dog, play with the munchkin, make lunch for the next day and go to bed. Read a book and conk out, only to do it all over again. I wish I could intersperse my days with cute little movies and the occasional networking event to alleviate the impending feeling of boredom and routine. I wish I was better with routines.

I am great with an idea. (Trust me, I didn't just jump off topic, I have a reasoning.) I can come up with ideas at the drop of a dime. More than half of them didn't manifest themselves into something because I was either too lazy to make it happen, or it was too much going on and it had to be brought back to the drawing board. Either way, with me, my process is as such: I come up with an idea, go hard for this idea so much so that I forget all other projects in the works, and work on said idea until I tire of it...or until I finish. My business is an example of an idea that I finished. Ever hear of visionnaire, the plus size clothing line? (You have? Already I know you're lying.) You haven't heard of it because it never made it past the drawings I did with another friend of mine. My repertoire is full of stuff like that. I wish I could do less thinking, be less creative, and do more implementing.

Well, wait.

I love being creative. I love creating ideas and watching them come to fruition. I love creating stories and living them out. I love creating visions and letting them come to life. But...I wish I could be less of a night owl making all these things come to life. Sometimes...I wish I was the person admiring the person following the dream...instead of being the dream fulfiller. Sometimes...I crave normalcy.

Sigh.

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Baggage on both Sides

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any baggage.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't have any baggage.

That's right...I called you out. Yeah, I said it.

Baggage in relationships are an interesting concept, one that I have pondered as who I am and the paths that I take in my personal development grow and become easier for me to navigate. Cue a Mary J. song. (You know that there's a Mary song for everything.) As my new found friendship/relationship/big ass ? mark grows into something that has the potential to be awesome, I find myself looking at both his baggage and, well, my own.

Let me backtrack for a second.

A good friend of mine, when talking me down from my proverbial panicked 'ledge', pointed out: "He's like an onion, gotta slowly peel the layers..." And to me, that is an ideal way to look at a relationship as it grows: each person has layers of their persona that you uncover as you get to know them. Like Chris Rock said in "Bigger and Blacker", "You can’t get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act, sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their representative!" (What's that? You've never SEEN Bigger and Blacker? You're slacking. Check it out.) You do meet their representative the first time around. And as you get to know them better, you let a layer fall off. You shed some of that protective skin to reveal the tender skin underneath. And within the shedding of those layers, hopefully, is the revealing and shedding of baggage.

So I have baggage. Dealing with the father of my child definitely left a few scars that took me a few years to get by. (And, for the record, I went through a Caribbean man phase. I don't subscribe to that theory now.) But anyway, dealing with him taught me so much about who I was that if I ever talk to him on a semi-friendship level again, I owe him a debt of gratitude. He truly made me who I am: much more confident from having to rebuild my self-esteem, more poised from dealing with the BS, more focused from making up for lost time, etc., etc.It's true. I have baggage. And I deal with it. I don't let it deal with me.

So it's always an interesting concept when I meet a guy who also has baggage. Who steps on eggshells around certain topics because he doesn't want the 'crazy black woman' to rear their ugly head. Who is weary of the independent black woman because they don't feel like dealing with all their crazy standards. I mean, he deals with it...he works on his baggage as I work on mine...but for those of us women who think that men don't have issues like that, think again. They do and they have and they deal with it the same way we do: one day at a time.

What do you think? Is there baggage on both sides? How do you deal with your baggage?

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