The Dangerous 28 (Self Analysis #3 of...or is it 4?)

*toys with loc* So I'm 28.

*pensive frown*

Ok, so to those of you who are wondering what the big deal is, I'm 28 years old. To me, 28 is the milestone year, not 25 and certainly not 30. Why is that? I say that because usually, 28 is the year that most people start to...well, panic. Panic in the sense that they are 2 years away from 30 and they have to make sure that they are on the right track before they turn 30.

Because you know...life as we know it ends at 30. Didn't you know that? Aren't you glad you're reading this so that I have you on put on status? (extreme sarcasm)

Well anyway. I am starting to reach that point where I find myself wondering if I am doing everything that I need to be doing. I know. I know. It seems nuts. I'm always the one telling everyone else not to pigeonhole themselves into a timeline...not to worry about who thinks it's a shame that you're not married , or where your heart may lay, or even the little growing pains that may come your way. After my girlfriend that I haven't spoken to in a while died recently, I started thinking about what I was doing at 28 more than ever. We were the same age. Stuff like this, unfortunately, always gets you to thinking.(Then again, I'm always thinking.)

Am I doing what I need to be doing? What do I need to be doing? I mean, I think I'm doing pretty well...business is growing, my daughter is getting bigger and smarter, things are pretty good with my friends and my family, things are going well. What am I missing? Am I missing something?

To shift gears for a moment, I was reading another of my favorite bloggers, Belle Woods of A Belle in Brooklyn. She was talking about embracing your sexuality by not being afraid to show your sexual side. In my latest self-analysis (this is #4, I checked), I went back and thought about my nature and being a flirt. It's funny, but I always wondered how true it was that a woman who exudes sexuality gets it in return. Lately, I've been feeling as if the concept of me being in a long term relationship is...I don't know...limited. I tend to embrace my sexuality...but at the same time, society says that a woman who does so is labeled a freak "empowered". And the "empowered" woman gets the man - or men - but never the commitment. (At least, it doesn't appear so to me.) Then I wonder is it because men like mystery more than empowerment. Hmm. 

Then I look back at all that I've accomplished, all that I've done and do, and I wonder to myself, why is it that I don't focus on my accomplishments? Why is it that many of my blogs are about relationships and sex and the like? And moreover, if I embrace my sexuality, and I don't care what people think, then why is this on my mind? What the hell happened to introspective KP, that ranted about politics and books and the like?

You see what kinds of absurd thoughts 28 brings to the table?

I think that in my process of opening up about me, I've become this relationship-obsessed person that I am not a fan of. I will be falling back. Intellectual KP is set to make a reappearance. But in the meantime...

Tell me your thoughts. How do you feel about milestone birthdays? Do you think that there is something to be said about how milestone birthdays affect your thinking?

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To Marry or Not to Marry? (Self-Analysis #2 of...)

"Do you want to get married?" "Don't you?" "Girl, you don't know what you want your wedding dress to look like?" [blank stare] "Why won't you have more kids?" "When will you have more kids?" These are the questions that I have been bombarded with lately, in particular the last week. Apparently, I have the "You're Not Getting Older & You Need to Find Someone" sign on my forehead and I missed the memo and the accompanying picture. 

I'm jumping directions for a second. I swear it'll all make sense in the end.

"It's been like starring in a film, being with you...A film where London is gorgeous and everything sparkles, and I feel like a million dollars. But the thing is, my life's more like a sitcom. Low budget. Ad breaks. I need that vegging-out-in-front-of-the-television time that you hate. You're in love with a part of me, but I can't be like that all the time." - 'Melissa', the little lady agency and the prince by Hester Browne

So I read chick lit. It's entertaining...don't judge me! LOL.

I think it's the unwitting romantic in me that enjoys reading books by Sophia Kinsella, Hester Browne, Meg Cabot, and my all-time favorite chick-lit-meets-KP-style authoress, Jennifer Crusie. All these authors have a way with words...comical story lines, quick wit, relatable characters, etc., etc. To me, what generally brings their stories to life for me is that relatability: that opportunity to see a piece of me in the characters that they describe so vividly.

More and more as of late (and this could be due to that big 3-0 approaching), I find myself thinking about what my issue is. I'm sure some of it is due to my unwavering desire to be a punk. I have a few eligible bachelors on my tail, so to speak. Why haven't I snagged any of them? Are they just not right for me and I'm just biding my time with them? Or am I ready to confront my feelings and either **** or get off the pot, and I just haven't done it yet? What is it?

A large portion of me realizes that I'm afraid of the everyday stuff. What happens when the curtains are closed and the pretenses are gone. Friends of mine (both platonic and otherwise) have this impression of me as a strong minded, strong willed individual. No holds barred. Don't really give a damn about your opinion. And they'd be right...the majority of the time.

But sometimes...I'm sensitive and vulnerable. I'm unsure of what lays ahead. I'm cranky and irritable and not sure if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not always sure that I'm doing a good job. And so on and so forth. But if I always feel as if I have to play this role...then how will I ever uncover who is meant to be for me? Who's going to be OK with me liking them and them liking me? Who I may eventually...marry? *shrugs*


I said I was going to be doing ongoing self analysis...here's part two of I don't know how many...


Have you ever felt pressure from the people around you who want to 'marry' you off? What is your answer for them? What is your take on marriage?

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