I'm jumping directions for a second. I swear it'll all make sense in the end.
"It's been like starring in a film, being with you...A film where London is gorgeous and everything sparkles, and I feel like a million dollars. But the thing is, my life's more like a sitcom. Low budget. Ad breaks. I need that vegging-out-in-front-of-the-television time that you hate. You're in love with a part of me, but I can't be like that all the time." - 'Melissa', the little lady agency and the prince by Hester Browne
So I read chick lit. It's entertaining...don't judge me! LOL.
I think it's the unwitting romantic in me that enjoys reading books by Sophia Kinsella, Hester Browne, Meg Cabot, and my all-time favorite chick-lit-meets-KP-style authoress, Jennifer Crusie. All these authors have a way with words...comical story lines, quick wit, relatable characters, etc., etc. To me, what generally brings their stories to life for me is that relatability: that opportunity to see a piece of me in the characters that they describe so vividly.
More and more as of late (and this could be due to that big 3-0 approaching), I find myself thinking about what my issue is. I'm sure some of it is due to my unwavering desire to be a punk. I have a few eligible bachelors on my tail, so to speak. Why haven't I snagged any of them? Are they just not right for me and I'm just biding my time with them? Or am I ready to confront my feelings and either **** or get off the pot, and I just haven't done it yet? What is it?
A large portion of me realizes that I'm afraid of the everyday stuff. What happens when the curtains are closed and the pretenses are gone. Friends of mine (both platonic and otherwise) have this impression of me as a strong minded, strong willed individual. No holds barred. Don't really give a damn about your opinion. And they'd be right...the majority of the time.
But sometimes...I'm sensitive and vulnerable. I'm unsure of what lays ahead. I'm cranky and irritable and not sure if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not always sure that I'm doing a good job. And so on and so forth. But if I always feel as if I have to play this role...then how will I ever uncover who is meant to be for me? Who's going to be OK with me liking them and them liking me? Who I may eventually...marry? *shrugs*
I said I was going to be doing ongoing self analysis...here's part two of I don't know how many...
Have you ever felt pressure from the people around you who want to 'marry' you off? What is your answer for them? What is your take on marriage?
5 comments:
The big 3-0? Jesus Lord above, I'm already 31 and my family was trying to marry me off at 21 and birthing babies at 23. THAT went well, didn't it? *snicker* My default answer to that sorta stuff is:
on marriage: "Find me a decent man that can appreciate me for me, wants to do something with their life and gives a damn about the world around them... THEN we'll talk."
on babies: "Unless you're birthin them, absolutely not. Let's just stop that conversation right now..."
The BS radar is pinging full-time, 24/7 on that sorta thing. Smh. Don't hate the self-analysis though -- it's GOOD to take a look at yourself from time to time and look at what works about you and what doesn't. I do it all the time.
I got married at 23 so I don't know about the annoyance of people trying to marry you off...but I can imagine the frustration! You are not different or strange for questioning yourself. We all do that. But the one thing you definitely don't want to question is your marriage. So take your time! The people nagging you about getting married and having more kids won't have to deal with the negative effects on your heart and, that of your child, if things don't work out. Make your own decision when you're ready.
ladymika: This is what I find myself saying all the time. I just don't understand what the big deal or the big rush is. Like, people think I'm turning into this big career person and whatever. I just want people to like my food, real talk...and being financially smart about it...
And if one more person says something to me about birthing babies, I'm a black out...(unless it's under the right circumstance...)
80sBaby: You're right. You're sooooo right. It just gets annoying sometimes, don't you think?
This is Sheena by the way,
What upsets me most is the implication that we can't have both a successful marriage AND career. Like Jay-Z said, what you eat don't make me ****. Everyone pretty much said what I wanted to say but better lol. At the end of the day, you are the writer of your own story. Everyone else can only hope to play even a small role.
I want to get married and from what I've been hearing I'm much closer to that goal than I thought I was. Yet the partner is pushing for the baby and it does create some conflict because I want more for my child than I had and for me that means making that commitment BEFORE we conceive. My priority now is becoming stable again so we can start our family the RIGHT WAY. It sucks that one of the main people asking these kinds of questions is the one you're supposed to be building your life with.
Well seeing as how my grandmother makes it a point to tell me that she's only "holding on" so that she can see her first great-grandchild born before she "goes home to see the Lord," I understand your frustrations all too well. I handle this in several ways:
1. Tell them I'm a lesbian
2. Tell them spirits spoke to me in my dreams and told me that I must refrain from consummating any relationship because it will bring forth the Anti-Christ
3. Ignore their crazy asses and keep doing me! My life is great as is and having a man and kids doesn't validate my existence.
And for the record...yes I have actually used lines 1 & 2...I'm a smart ass, sue me lol
Post a Comment