"What about your friends/Will they stand their ground/Will they let you down/Yeah-eh/What about your friends/Are they gonna be lowdown/Will they ever be around/Or will they turn their backs on you?"
- TLC, "What About Your Friends"
So I know we've been here before. I tend to talk about my circle of friends quite a bit because your friends tend to be a huge portion of your life, next to your family. By now, you should know that I have my core group, and then I have the random insert that may or may not fall into my permanent circle, depending on the way the chips fall. It's all about that trust game for me.
I've been talking with friends, both old and new, about...well, friendship. Everyone's definition of friendship seems to differ, as I've found over the years. Some people seem to think that there is a certain boundary that should never be crossed with regards to friends. I tend to agree. The question then becomes, what is that boundary? When do you tell a friend that they are, in essence, effing up and need to get over themselves? Perhaps it's time for KP's definition of friends and what they should and should NOT do...so here goes...
KP's Top Ten List of What A Friend Should Do:
10. Friends don't let friends dial drunk. LOL. We've all been here before...you get tipsy, you pick up the phone, you hit up that person that scratches that itch reallll good. But chances are, you don't have no biz-ness calling that person. My friends will take the phone away from me - mid text/call. And I will do the same.
9. Friends don't blow each other up on Facebook. Never do I ever want to log on to my Facebook page and see your beef with me tagged on Facebook. Our beef should NEVER be a status. I'm as big of a Facebook addict as the next social media inclined person. But you'd better believe this: if I have an issue about you or with you, you will hear it from me first. It will never appear on Facebook. Someshit stuff should be kept private.
8. Friends agree sometimes. They also disagree...sometimes. If you know me, then you know that I am quick to play the devil's advocate. This does not ever mean that I love you any less...unless I tell yuh so...in which case, yuh should get worried. LOL. I don't always agree with my friends...I may even take a day or two to back up and breathe from it all. But rest assured...if you're my homeskilletbiscuit, then we ride till the wheels fall off.
7. Friends' exes are OFF LIMITS. Do I actually have to explain? Not really. But there was a time, when I was significantly younger, that this rule was played around with, limits stretched, etc. And granted, the people that I am referring to have forgave and been forgiven, eliminated or dealt with, etc. So there's no need to rehash the past that was waaayyyyyyy long ago. But within that lesson comes the rule above. And it's a good one...established for a reason.
6. Friends don't tell friends who they can be friends with. Sounds absurd...right? It's not. I've had quite a few situations where a 'friend' will become upset with me because I befriended someone else that they don't like. Ok, let's examine this for a minute. a. What does your beef with said person have to do with me? b. How do you get to tell me who I can and can't be friends with? Um...WORD???!? The reality of things are this: when you're moving up in the world, as an entrepreneur or otherwise, you find yourself running in the same circles with many of the same people. It's inevitable. What is also inevitable is that some of these same people may not like each other. However...each individual relationship is different and unique for a reason. If you as a person have a problem with someone else, that is for you and that other person to work out. Never should it involve your friend. You should be able to be adult enough to recognize that some relationships exist outside the scope of the friendship that you have with someone else. Never should you make a friend of yours feel bad for befriending someone else. Nor will I ever ask you to stop being friends with someone that I no longer like. (This might be a separate post in and of itself...) If I do ever ask you to, I expect you to call me on it. Which leads me to the next 'guideline'...
5. Friends should be able to tell friends about themselves. If I step out of line...or get out of pocket...I expect you to tell me about myself. Conversely, expect to be told about yourself if you do the same...whether I think you are going to like what I have to say, or not. As a friend, if we don't have that level of honesty with each other, what do we have? Sure, I might not like what you have to say...but I'll eat it, if it's good for me. Which leads to the converse...
4. Friends should not put other friends down. There is a difference between telling your friend something for their own good, and telling them something with the intent of being malicious. And it really doesn't matter the reason for the maliciousness...it could be due to personal insecurities, jealousy, discord, misery, whatever. I don't care. If you have nothing nice to say to your friend...perhaps you should reconsider why they are your friend.
3. Friends should never have to constantly question a friendship. It's real simple, and I've learned this from many experiences over the past two years...if you have to wonder more than once why a person is your friend, they are not your friend.
2. Friends should love their friends as they are. The gamut of the friends in my circle? Motley. Crew. Seriously. From the African inspired to the bug out girl, from the nerd to the Republican, the culinarily inclined to the kindred writer spirit, all of my friends have a place in my life for a reason...and I never ask them to change who they are. Who they are is a part of who I am...that is why they are my friend. They tap into certain aspects of me. Never ask a friend to change.
And the #1 guideline on my list for friendship (steel pan roll, please...lol)
1.Friends don't compete with friends. The only thing I do with my friends when it comes to business is support them. Period. And that support could be in any number of ways: financially, silent partnership, moral, etc. But I NEVER compete with them. Friends should uplift. They should ease stresses about business with good times, laughter, and sound advice. Never should I ever have to wonder if our friendship is driven by a need to compete with me. Just the thought infuriates me. So if you ever doubt that our friendship is genuine, you might as well take a cue from #s 3 and 5 on that list and tell me off, then bounce. In whichever order. Because I don't compete with my friends.
Do you have guidelines for the friendships you keep? If so, what are they? What do you think constitutes a friend?
- TLC, "What About Your Friends"
So I know we've been here before. I tend to talk about my circle of friends quite a bit because your friends tend to be a huge portion of your life, next to your family. By now, you should know that I have my core group, and then I have the random insert that may or may not fall into my permanent circle, depending on the way the chips fall. It's all about that trust game for me.
I've been talking with friends, both old and new, about...well, friendship. Everyone's definition of friendship seems to differ, as I've found over the years. Some people seem to think that there is a certain boundary that should never be crossed with regards to friends. I tend to agree. The question then becomes, what is that boundary? When do you tell a friend that they are, in essence, effing up and need to get over themselves? Perhaps it's time for KP's definition of friends and what they should and should NOT do...so here goes...
KP's Top Ten List of What A Friend Should Do:
10. Friends don't let friends dial drunk. LOL. We've all been here before...you get tipsy, you pick up the phone, you hit up that person that scratches that itch reallll good. But chances are, you don't have no biz-ness calling that person. My friends will take the phone away from me - mid text/call. And I will do the same.
9. Friends don't blow each other up on Facebook. Never do I ever want to log on to my Facebook page and see your beef with me tagged on Facebook. Our beef should NEVER be a status. I'm as big of a Facebook addict as the next social media inclined person. But you'd better believe this: if I have an issue about you or with you, you will hear it from me first. It will never appear on Facebook. Some
8. Friends agree sometimes. They also disagree...sometimes. If you know me, then you know that I am quick to play the devil's advocate. This does not ever mean that I love you any less...unless I tell yuh so...in which case, yuh should get worried. LOL. I don't always agree with my friends...I may even take a day or two to back up and breathe from it all. But rest assured...if you're my homeskilletbiscuit, then we ride till the wheels fall off.
7. Friends' exes are OFF LIMITS. Do I actually have to explain? Not really. But there was a time, when I was significantly younger, that this rule was played around with, limits stretched, etc. And granted, the people that I am referring to have forgave and been forgiven, eliminated or dealt with, etc. So there's no need to rehash the past that was waaayyyyyyy long ago. But within that lesson comes the rule above. And it's a good one...established for a reason.
6. Friends don't tell friends who they can be friends with. Sounds absurd...right? It's not. I've had quite a few situations where a 'friend' will become upset with me because I befriended someone else that they don't like. Ok, let's examine this for a minute. a. What does your beef with said person have to do with me? b. How do you get to tell me who I can and can't be friends with? Um...WORD???!? The reality of things are this: when you're moving up in the world, as an entrepreneur or otherwise, you find yourself running in the same circles with many of the same people. It's inevitable. What is also inevitable is that some of these same people may not like each other. However...each individual relationship is different and unique for a reason. If you as a person have a problem with someone else, that is for you and that other person to work out. Never should it involve your friend. You should be able to be adult enough to recognize that some relationships exist outside the scope of the friendship that you have with someone else. Never should you make a friend of yours feel bad for befriending someone else. Nor will I ever ask you to stop being friends with someone that I no longer like. (This might be a separate post in and of itself...) If I do ever ask you to, I expect you to call me on it. Which leads me to the next 'guideline'...
5. Friends should be able to tell friends about themselves. If I step out of line...or get out of pocket...I expect you to tell me about myself. Conversely, expect to be told about yourself if you do the same...whether I think you are going to like what I have to say, or not. As a friend, if we don't have that level of honesty with each other, what do we have? Sure, I might not like what you have to say...but I'll eat it, if it's good for me. Which leads to the converse...
4. Friends should not put other friends down. There is a difference between telling your friend something for their own good, and telling them something with the intent of being malicious. And it really doesn't matter the reason for the maliciousness...it could be due to personal insecurities, jealousy, discord, misery, whatever. I don't care. If you have nothing nice to say to your friend...perhaps you should reconsider why they are your friend.
3. Friends should never have to constantly question a friendship. It's real simple, and I've learned this from many experiences over the past two years...if you have to wonder more than once why a person is your friend, they are not your friend.
2. Friends should love their friends as they are. The gamut of the friends in my circle? Motley. Crew. Seriously. From the African inspired to the bug out girl, from the nerd to the Republican, the culinarily inclined to the kindred writer spirit, all of my friends have a place in my life for a reason...and I never ask them to change who they are. Who they are is a part of who I am...that is why they are my friend. They tap into certain aspects of me. Never ask a friend to change.
And the #1 guideline on my list for friendship (steel pan roll, please...lol)
1.Friends don't compete with friends. The only thing I do with my friends when it comes to business is support them. Period. And that support could be in any number of ways: financially, silent partnership, moral, etc. But I NEVER compete with them. Friends should uplift. They should ease stresses about business with good times, laughter, and sound advice. Never should I ever have to wonder if our friendship is driven by a need to compete with me. Just the thought infuriates me. So if you ever doubt that our friendship is genuine, you might as well take a cue from #s 3 and 5 on that list and tell me off, then bounce. In whichever order. Because I don't compete with my friends.
Do you have guidelines for the friendships you keep? If so, what are they? What do you think constitutes a friend?
