Did I Miss Something?

The ongoing running joke with my friends and I is that the WEIRDEST, most UNUSUAL things happen to me. Lately, I've been trying to attribute it to the fact that 30 is staring me in the face. My best friend has told me flat out that this is not the case, that I, very simply, attract madness for whatever reason.

Now. I've talked before about the incident with a rodent that will remain nameless. And who could forget seeing Spiderman on 5th Avenue. The things I see and that happen to me sometimes are priceless. Today was no exception.

To start, I wake up every morning religiously hitting the snooze button at least 3 times before I panic about being unemployed in this blasted disaster excuse for an economy and fly out of the bed and directly towards the shower, waking my child in the process to ensure that she is ready. I then time what bus I MUST be on to be considered either early or on time once I get on and onto the subway. Today, I was slightly behind schedule, so I hopped onto a different bus and texted my boss to let her know I was running behind schedule.

So now. I'm sitting quietly on the bus, listening to Jay-Z's Blueprint 3, and the bus begins to get a bit crowded. This 6'4 guy gets on the bus and stands to hold on by me. I pay him no mind. As the bus gets crowded, he starts to shift forward...and all I'm feeling on my shoulders are his family jewels. I'm not kidding. Over and over again. And just when I thought that it could've possibly been accidental because of the crowding on the bus, I looked up and dude WINKED at me. Yes, y'all, I said he WINKED at me. So, of course, I draft an email to my friends about this foolishness. They laugh hysterically. Little did I know that my adventure for the day was not done yet...

Later on, I'm at Penn Station, trying to get my ticket so that I can go home after a long day. I'm at the LIRR machine, getting my railroad ticket home when this guy comes up and whispers something in my ear. So I say, "I'm sorry?" He looks like he might need a dollar or two, not homeless, just broke...so he says it again and I thought he said he needed a couple of dollars! So as I'm preparing to tell him sorry, he says a little louder..."just a couple of hours is all I need with you...I swear I'll turn you out...what's your name?"

...:blank stare:...Are you kidding me...

And it gets better!! An older guy was by the train door where I was sitting, just relaxing and drinking his beer. This younger girl runs up to him from the car after ours and sticks her tongue down his throat! Now they're making out and I'm gagging a little...I don't do PDAs (public displays of affection). But then, soon after this joyous reunion, she bursts into tears! So now he's comforting her...and the lady across from me and I are just sitting there, a bit baffled by it all. As we're preparing to get off at our stop, the girl rushes back to the next car where she came from! The lady sitting across from me(my new LIRR buddy) are completely lost. Suddenly, the gentleman's phone rings and he says, "hey son, what track?" His son answers him...the lady and I turn...the girl that all this stuff is going on with is his son's girlfriend.

So now I ask - is it me? Did I miss something? What is it about me that attracts and witnesses such madness!

P.S. My friend D, of course, couldn't resist posting a blog about my misfortunes on her own blog. You can read her commentary on my misfortunes (still not funny) on her blog, Life in the D Lane.

Posted in: bizarre, blog, cheating, chivalry, laughter, LIRR, madness, rude