Tape and Glue and Me

“You are a handsome…good…smart and good and…you’re perfect…but um…I’m busy…holding myself together with…tape and glue…and a part of me wishes that you hadn’t played golf because maybe you’d be where I am…but you’re too much for me right now…because I’m busy..with the tape…and the glue…”

- "Miranda Bailey", Grey's Anatomy - Episode: Tape and Glue

I’m not a TV buff.

Not by any means.

In fact, I rarely watch it.

Oh, sure, as a chef, I have the Food Network on fairly often, and I listen to some of my favorite shows on there, but I don’t really watch it. The television in my house is usually off, and if it’s on, then it’s simply background noise . On Thursdays at 9 pm, though…my television is on. It’s on and Grey’s Anatomy is on. And it doesn’t matter what work I’m doing, who I’m talking to, whether I’m baking bread or not (wink), at 9 pm, I am watching Grey’s Anatomy and ignoring all else.

When I saw this episode, the one where Chandra Wilson’s character, Miranda, is dealing with the aftermath of the mass murder shooting at Seattle Grace, and I heard her say those lines…my heart stopped.

I went looking for Shondra Rhimes.

Who the hell was she to be taking my life without notice and putting it on the TV screen?

Ok. Obviously she didn’t take inspiration from my life when she had her writers write the scene for that quite emotional TV moment. But the ‘tape and glue’ bit? Believe you me…that is me in a nutshell. With so much going on and with most, if not all, of my friends individually going through their own isht, I often feel quite alone with me, my thoughts and I. I can visibly see the tape on my arm…the glue holding the pieces of me together…sort of like a going through the motions. And it’s not to say that I have no one to talk to. That’s not it. It’s just that tattoo on my back that is getting in the way. That pride is something else. It’s the fear of not meeting expectations. The fear of not being strong.

At any rate. Anyone else feeling some of the same? 

Read More

Spl/it Persona?

"Tell me what do they see/when they look at me/Do they see my many/personalities..."
- Split Personality, Pink

Do I have a split personality? A split persona?

I was talking with a good friend of mine over the weekend, and we got to chatting about the difference between our public and our private persona. I was pointing out that when you are in the public eye, particularly if you make your name your brand, there is a certain limitation that you naturally put on your personality - your 'public' persona. When you are dealing with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people on a regular basis, you find yourself giving one portion of you - be it so that you aren't taken advantage of, or maybe it's because you are trying to maintain a certain image. She nodded in agreement...and then pointed out that I have done the same.

Wait...what?

I am a mommy first and a business woman second. But I am always KP. I'm bubbly and a smart ass sarcastic. I am honest, upfront, and driven. I love to dance and wuk up meh waist. I am kind and giving of myself and my time to the people that care about me. Are all of those things no longer apparent to the public eye? I don't ever want to stop being me because my star is on the rise...wait, do I actually care what other people's opinions are now?

Sigh...you mean, I have to care now? Really? Aw, just hell.

My best friend/GGG (good good girlfriend)/homeskilletbiscuit pointed out to me that as open and honest as I tend to be, as candid as I am many times, the fact remains that because of what I am doing with my brand, the people that are paying attention to what I am saying now has grown. The interest in what I am saying has grown. (I haven't bought into this theory yet. But I listened.) As a result, I must adjust (not change) the way that I handle certain encounters...the way I say certain things...and, most definitely, who I say certain things to.

Sigh. Allyuh, I jes wanna cook up meh likkle food fuh de people dem! (I just want to cook. Really and truly.) Ok, so I want to be a household name, too. Well...I want my BRAND to be a household name. I truly believe that what I have to offer can and will put the Caribbean that I have come to know and love on the map. But...the moves that I have been making seem to have me at a crossroads...how can I continue to be me, let me shine through, and still maintain a professional, poised person with a plan? (I didn't mean to use all those p's in one sentence. Honest.)

So here is my question to you, fellow entrepreneurs, movers, shakers, et al...when you created your brand, when you started really making moves, especially those of you who are using your name as your brand, how did you balance your personality and your 'persona'?

Chat up wid meh one time...

Read More