This was supposed to be a blog about random stuff that I see all the time because I haven't written a blog about that in a long time.
I changed my mind. I told allyuh, this is what happens when yuh gone and lemme write all dis ting!
But anyway. I usually get to writing stuff because I see certain things or hear things that set me off. Of course, today was no exception. I was on the train, headed back downtown from a meeting I had to go to for work, when I overheard two women talking about the 'lame (insert racially charged epithet here)' that they had the 'privilege' to be with. (Sidebar: I am a firm believer in walking away if you've exhausted all efforts. I don't believe in wasting time. Conversely, I am a firm believer in making things work. It sounds strange. I'll elaborate in a different blog.) So they're chatting and Blue Jacket Girl, we'll call her, says to Weird Hair Girl (oh if I only had a picture to accompany this) that she was mad with her lame -----. The dialogue ensues:
Blue Jacket Girl: Yo, I was sooo tight, yo! How you just gon leave me to pay the bill? Like, man up! What kind of man are you??
Weird Hair Girl: (laughs) He wanted you to pay the bill?? Bad enough his ass took you to the Olive Garden instead of Red Lobster like he said he would...cheap ass...
BJG: And he had the nerve to be mad with me, too! Talking bout I always talking like I got all this dough since I got my lil raise or whatever...and then walked out!! Like, he straight walked out!
WHG: (mouth drops open) WHAAATT?? Get out of here!!
BJG: YES gurl...and then kept rejecting my calls or whatever!! I texted him and told him never to call me again...well, at least, not till tonight...(cackles)
WHG: (cracks up) You are TOO much!! I guess you still gotta get yours at the end of the day, right??
*dual laughter*
After this last line, I have to tell you, I was seconds from staging a KP intervention, or, at least, laughing until the tears streamed down my face. I did neither. I started writing this blog instead.
First: stop passing yourselves off as real women. You ruin it for those of us who are real women. Ugh.
Second: Um...neither Olive Garden nor Red Lobster is fine dining. It's good semi quick eats...but it's not fine dining. Sorry.
Third: I don't know what these two frauds personal situations are, but the truth is, we've been here before. I'm not even going to link the first installment of this piece (I was rambling that day. I said a lot.) I'm just going to highlight the part that I think is most relevant here:
"Mutual respect does exist, and I think that is what we, both sexes, should be practicing. I think it is the gentlemanly thing to open the door for their lady. I ALSO think if a gentleman opened his lady's door for her to get into the car, a TRUE independent lady would make sure that the door was open for their man when he made it to the other side! Ladies, real talk, we cannot expect a gentleman to be as such if we don't give sometimes, too. We opted to become more independent as women, so it's a give and take. I can't tell you how many women I've seen CHEWING, and I mean CHEWING, men a new one because he didn't pay the bill or offer to foot the expense on their latest shopping excursion. I don't know about you, but if I say I got it, I'm not expecting anyone to cover it for me. If they do, it's a bonus. We have to learn to live by our words, to say what we mean and mean EXACTLY what we say. I hear some of my girlfriends talk sometimes, and I'm like, "um...if you told him you didn't want anything for your birthday...and he subsequently doesn't get you anything for your birthday...why are you mad?" Enough with the subliminal messages: you get what you ask for. And yes...we can open the door for our men sometimes, or foot the meal sometimes, or give him the foot massage when he gets home. That's all part of being a TRUE independent woman.
Gentlemen: there are times that you could be more in tune with your lady or with ladies in general. Sometimes, a woman likes for a man to be the man, even when she may indicate otherwise. (I know. I know. It's confusing. I'm the first to admit I'm not sure why this is, but it is what it is.) An independent woman sometimes has become independent out of necessity: sometimes, she'd rather not HAVE to do it, even though she claims to 'have it'. Trust me...I know. I'm not saying you have to be a complete ass, but if your woman is always on point with everything, shoe game, clothing, mind and all (I mean her brain and her brain, if you know what I mean), then she deserves that extra special treatment. Not to mention that it's really sexy when a man is the right combination of confident/borderline arrogance and gentlemanly. Again, TRUST ME. I know men that have gotten away with damn near MURDER with that combination.
I really think it's just a respect thing: I'd like you to open the door for me because you respect me enough to do so, and because it's a nice thing to do. I'd like you to make sure that no random puddle gets me on my walk to the train because you respect me enough as a human being. Conversely, I can show you the same respect, because you deserve it as well. Therefore, I am banning the word 'chivalry' from my vocabulary and replacing it with a phrase: MUTUAL RESPECT."
2 comments:
My take: Chivalry is all nice and good as long as it is not a default expectation. And even chivalry has its limitations -- it does not constitute that a guy picks up every tab, opens every door, does every bloody thing the woman says just because. Chivalry, like respect, is earned. A man may do chivalrous acts because he feels you are worthy of such things. Women that come from that lopsided point of view are taking clear advantage of the situation without really giving back. Women have the capability of being chivalrous as well; it is not a strictly male thing. I have no problem with cooking for you, or ironing your shirts, or being your eye candy for the evening... as long as we have an understanding and mutual respect about it. The two go hand in hand.
People just really need to speak up and say what they want instead of alluding to it. Maybe people can't handle it, but if it is with the right person, they'll get you and that's all good.
That's what I'm looking for in a man. Embrace your independence -- men AND women -- and at the same time be open to the possibility of someone doing something for YOU that could be considered extraordinary.
I think that's why I call it 'mutual respect' now. Because if you take the time to read my first post like this (only if you want, lol), you find that chivalry doesn't actually exist anymore because the premise under which it previously existed doesn't really exist anymore. Hence mutual respect...I will cook a meal for you in the same breath that I will pay for your meal, as long as I know and feel that you have the same level of respect for me, you know? That's a sign of TRUE independence.
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