Emotionally Unavailable? Yep, That's Me (Self Analysis #1 of...)

I said I was going to do this. I do my best to do what I say I'm going to do.

Self analysis is one thing. Self analysis with an audience is another.

Sigh.

So. I love reading other people's blogs. I think that it gives me insight on a lot of levels. 1. It helps me to be a better blogger, 2. It helps me see what the blog world is talking about, and 3. (and most important to me) it really is great to see what other's opinions are, especially when they're well versed.

One of the blogs I love reading is Naked With Socks On. NWSO does a great job of analyzing relationship and sexual issues, and his Wet Wednesdays usually leave me needing a wet rag...well...you know what? That's not for this blog.

So anyway. I was checking out his midnight post tonight as I attempted to put together my blog posts for Confessions of an Ex-Foodie, and the first thing I read was: "Will I Ever Make Time for Love?" All I could think of was, "Wow. Was he reading my mind or something?" A couple of days ago, I surely was trying to figure out how I was going to stay on my grind and grind for love at the same time. Then again, I'm the same person that doesn't know what love is.

Sheesh. What is going on in my brain? It's time for me to sort this out. Seriously.

And here I am. Sorting this out. Productive, isn't it? Okok. I'm going to stop rambling for just a second and actually string some thoughts together that make sense. Part of my issue is that I'm like a switch. But then, if you've been reading this for a while, then you know this. And I always said it wasn't healthy. It's not and I know this. Sometimes I'd actually like to be much more in tune with my feelings and my emotions. I'm great at giving advice...in fact, I find myself advising my friends often. I'm good with coming up with ideas and that sort of thing. But put me in an emotionally stressful situation and off goes the switch (or on, depending). I am good and emotionally unavailable. I know, I know, I know. It's not healthy. But it's safe for me. *shrugs* Right?

But what about throwing caution to the wind and just doing the not so safe thing? Ehh. I don't know that I wanna. I know I talked all that smack about how easy it is for me to grind for my career and my dreams but ask me about grinding for love and you'll get the *blank stare* from me. Although I can honestly say that I'm working on it. Sorta. Kinda. Ok, so maybe it's more like I'm going to work on it, as soon as I conjure up enough nerve. Which I have. Kinda. Sorta.

Oh, for crying out loud. I don't know!!

I'll tell you what I do know. I know that I love. Hard. Really and truly. Like, world on a silver platter hard. Like, last dollar in my bank account hard. I really am a ride or die type of person. And granted, past relationships have taught me that no matter what, do not lose sight of yourself in your quest to be joined. But a part of me, a big part of me worries and wonders if when I find that special someone that makes me a priority and not a monthly option, when I get to that place where I'm ready to be with someone in that kind of way, if I won't lapse back into that person that gives her all and everything and forgets who she is in the process. Who forgets what she's trying to be and become in the process. That is a huge worry for me.

There's more to that above. There really is. But that is for another blog and another time.

Are you emotionally unavailable or know someone who is emotionally unavailable in love and relationships? What is your take on this? Speak...discuss...comment...

Posted in: emotions, love, relationships, switch