A Lesson in Less Humility...Self-Analysis 3 (The Year Before 30 Series)

I always get a little bit uncomfortable when someone genuinely compliments me. Seriously.

As a budding business owner and entrepreneur, I find myself constantly making moves and doing things the way that I think that they should be done. I am not a person that does anything small – every idea that I have is big, and the perfectionist in me always wants to execute every idea in the same manner, which, in turn, forces me to make big moves. This is not me being a braggart in any way, shape, or form. I just know that this is how I am. With that comes the obsessive compulsive personality in me that wants to “go hard or go home”. My work ethic is such that once I get an idea in my head and get around to executing it, there is nothing small about what I want to do. In essence, I get things done, if for no other reason than my own personal sanity.

As a result of me getting things done, my perfectionist nature is also such that whatever I do; must be done right; or I will absolutely refuse to put my name to it. Because of this, I accomplish a lot, and the people that I know follow what I am trying to accomplish tend to look up to me and admire what I do, which I don’t really have a problem with, especially since I admire them, for the most part. But when I hear certain compliments directed towards me, I brush them off or I downplay them. I’m not fishing for compliments, either. I just genuinely try to comprehend what they are seeing. Yes, I know that I am talented, and yes, I know that I do a lot and do it well, but why are you buttering me up? And no, please don’t look up to me, it’s too much pressure, because if I fall, will you catch me? Or are you one of the ones waiting to watch me fall?

This quality of mine, from my understanding, is called humility. It stems from my belief that at any given moment, I could lose the ability to execute all the ideas and plan all the activities and handle what needs to be handled and be talented because I was not grateful for the gift(s) that were given to me. It comes naturally to me to downplay any compliments that I receive because, again, sometimes I 1. question the person’s motives, or 2. don’t want to be placed on a pedestal. It’s a long way down from a pedestal, you know?

On the other hand…I do know that it is healthy to every now and again recognize and acknowledge a compliment when one is given. Earlier, after a conversation that I had with a friend of mine, I was curious to know how one member of my inner circle perceived me – and I was surprised by what I heard. The word ‘regal’ still sticks out in my head as a phrase never having been associated with me before – and I won’t deny, I was beyond touched at the association. So I am learning that to acknowledge my personal blessings and receive compliments is not such a bad thing.

Every day I get a touch closer to own personal self-enlightenment. 

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Scared to Settle

I might have settled if I hadn’t gotten that phone call that day.

Or, rather, not gotten that phone call.

I’ll explain this later.

We are so cynical in this day and age. To be considered a romantic, be it a hopeless one or otherwise, is usually considered silly and inappropriate. After all, there is no such thing as your soul mate, and if there is, there might be more than one…you have to make things work with someone if they’re not working, there’s no such thing as the perfect person…I could go on.

So why do I have a hard time believing this?

Allyuh know I like to define things that are on my mind so as to have a clear path to explain my thoughts down the road, and this time is, of course, no different. My man Merriam Webster defines a soul mate as “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament”. While that definition is exceedingly vague, its meaning is not. Your soul mate should complement your nuances, all of them. And this doesn’t mean that they should be exactly like you, now. In fact…being exactly like someone is boring. I like the tiny conflicts that come from disagreements. I like being able to debate topics. I like to have balance.

I talk about topics like this because they have a way of becoming recurring themes in my life. With my circle all approaching 30 this year (if they didn’t already turn 30 last year), those of us that aren’t married or in committed relationships find ourselves unwittingly wondering if we will ever meet that fabled ‘soul mate’…or if we already have. Now having said that...

Wait. I haven’t been random in a long time. Lemme jump for a second.

I have this recurring dream that I am stood up at the altar. It’s been a recurring dream for the past four years. I’ve analyzed it from every angle, every perspective, every viewpoint (and why not? I’ve been having the same dream for years!), and I always come back to the fact that I’m scared to give my all to one person for fear of being abandoned. The fear of abandonment, for me, is a valid fear. If you know me, you know this to be true. In this dream, once or twice, the person who stood me up was none other than the original Disappearing Acts. When you take into consideration, though, that he happens to be a lying sack of shit…There is no worry that he will do that in real life, though.

*cues MJ “She’s Gone from My Life*

Anyway…

More recently, I had a dream that I left someone standing at the altar. I dreamt that one of my best friends talked me into marrying someone I was seeing because they were good for me, but when I got to the front of the church to say “I do”, I had a panic attack and couldn’t do it, so I left him there. I won’t tell you what happened in the rest of the dream (that’s a topic for a whole ‘nother blog), but what I will tell you is that this dream caused me as much anxiety as the last one. Me? Leave someone at the altar?

Wait…me?? SETTLE?

The only way I could ever imagine myself leaving someone at the altar is if I knew that I was settling and I couldn’t live with that choice. I am big on being happy. So big on it, in fact, that I set my life up in such a manner so that I can, indeed, be happy. With that said…I couldn’t imagine settling for someone, no matter how much I fear ending up alone. Yes, there are times that you have to work with the person that you are with – but that’s not settling, and that’s not what I mean by settling. Just because someone loves you doesn’t mean that they are the right person for you. The right person, in my eyes, is not just someone that loves you. There are a lot of people that love me.

But…

The right person, in my eyes, is the person that you can’t get out of your mind, even when you try…the person that makes you better…that knows your flaws and accepts them, but doesn’t try to change them…yet they work with you on them…the person that takes the time to understand you, your loves, and your nuances…who supports you unconditionally but isn’t afraid to tell you that you’re effing up…they are the person that you find yourself sharing everything with, even the things you never wanted to share…the person that you couldn’t imagine not being in your life, even when they piss you off (and they will).

And so on and so forth.

The person for me is the person that makes me feel all of that, all of the above and then some. So I was sick to my stomach when I realized this morning that I almost settled for someone who wasn’t that. When I was trying to be in a relationship a while back, I was all set to go on a trip to meet this person’s family for the holidays…but it didn’t happen. I never got the phone call that they were on their way. Why didn’t it happen? The details are not as important as the revelation that this person didn’t want what I wanted, for one reason or another…but more importantly, if this person left my life, I wouldn’t miss them.

And I can’t be with someone who I wouldn’t miss if they weren’t around. Neither should you.

Only time will tell if I will have to settle for less than what I truly want. Yes, everyone has a soul mate…but I don’t think everyone gets to be with that person. Life has a way of throwing curve balls into the mix. So only time will tell what will happen…but as much as I fear being alone…I fear settling even more.

So I won’t.

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Logic vs Emotion - Self Analysis 1 (The Year Before 30 Series)

Logic: 2. a particular method of reasoning or argumentation; 4. convincing forcefulness; inexorable truth or persuasiveness [dictionary.com] 

Emotion: c : a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioural changes in the body [m-w.com]

It is always an interesting phenomenon when logic and emotion interrelate within the same space. I chose to define the two words because, as you all who follow my musings well know by now, I have a tendency to analyze and even overanalyze scenarios until I can either make sense of them, or until at least I am in enough of a position to deal with them as they are.

According to the definition, logic lends to a particular method of reasoning. We can all relate to this. How many times have you said to someone, “if you look at the logic of the situation”...when referencing a scenario, any scenario? We use the term logic loosely, in my personal opinion, to justify actions taken, to explain away otherwise distorted and confused views, opinions, or thought processes. A persuasive speaker can get a less swift person to accept their words as truth by swaying them with not easily broken logic.

Even if, in reality, they are lying through their teeth.

In contrast, emotion, always the stepchild of rationale, is pegged as a conscious mental reaction experienced as a strong feeling...and accompanied by physiological and behavioural changes in the body.

*peers at hives on leg*

It never ceases to amaze me how much emotion plays into everyday life...how much it has the potential to affect even the smallest of movements. Many of us may not exercise logic...but we all feel, whether we want to admit it or not. We all are subjected to varying levels of emotions, based on life’s daily occurrences. How often have we heard the phrase, “I can’t help what I feel”.

Can we? Help how we feel, that is?

Logic implies a certain level of practicality. It is reasoning at its finest. Even in situations like the one I currently have been stressing over (still peers at hives), the rationale that led to my decision was a decision steeped in logic. In fact, it reminds me of the only part of math I actually liked: logic statements were simple and to the point, the logic statement if p then q being the perfect analogy. (Yes, I am using modus tollens. Yes, I am a nerd. It is what it is.) If I prove p, then q automatically follows. If I can’t prove p, then no q. Simple. And we do it all the time – we use conditional reasoning in order to prove our point about something. There is a layer of fact in logic, even if the logic is faulty. Emotion, conversely, is just that. Emotional. Devoid of logic. It is the subsequent feeling that accompanies a difficult decision.

There is an implied balance between these two seemingly different things. I am working on being able to separate the two in difficult situations. One of my best friends told me early this morning that many times, the physiological changes that come as a result of emotion are all in my head – because everyone else who is aware of the concern doesn’t have the same attachment...or the same symptoms. (sound like the definition?) The suggestion was that in order to eliminate the problem, the solution was to separate the emotion from the situation and apply logic...and then take the negative energy being applied to the previous emotion and apply it somewhere more effective.

I’m working on it.

What do you think of the divide between emotion and logic? Do you feel that there actually a divide? If placed in a difficult situation, could you separate your feelings from the logical fact of the situation? Are you a logical person or an emotional person? Why? Can you be both? 

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Night Marauder

They call me the marauder of the feelings of the night.

While everyone is asleep, I pillage and plunder the thoughts of the verbose and yet forgotten thoughts. The ones no one wants to admit that they have.

Our society is one where even honesty is not quite honest with itself, shamed into believing that stark contrast in truths is acceptable when one seeks to spare feelings.

I sit, loud in my silence, and assess which dishonest village I shall burn first with clever ditties and unabashed words of fire. Usually they never see it coming, so caught up in their need to be and desire to impress with their deception that my words are usually a sucker punch.

They call me the marauder of the feelings of the night.

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The Romance Seeker

Wanted: purple tinged hyacinths with a sole calla lily, accompanied by a walk along the water’s side/snuggling up by a fireplace/strolling along the beach at sunset (options for the seasons). Must appear interested in actual conversation without forgetting to subtly compliment said companion. Should close the evening by being escorted to one’s door and a kiss good night. Home cooked meal – basket style optional.

See? I told allyuh I could be a girl sometimes.

My cousin and I got to talking about relationships and romance. She asked me the same question that I posed on my Facebook page: “Do you believe in romance? What is the most romantic thing you have ever experienced?”

What prompted this blog was the amount of time that it actually took me to answer that question.

Huh.

I’ve been on dates before. Granted, my dating history is limited – I didn’t start actually dating until 2005, close to 2006. (I’m not kidding.) Prior to that I’d been in an on again, off again, why-did-I-DO-that-again relationship with the father of my child.  I was a serial monogamist in my younger years, and when I would try to date, I would find myself in a relationship with said person, and then the dynamic would change. Apparently, in the relationships that I was in, dating was not a necessity – why date? You already got the guy/girl!

At least, that’s what my then boyfriend explained to me.

As single as I am now, I realize that my dating experience is still rather limited. The most dating I’ve ever done was this year – I got two…nope, three whole dates out of them before they disappeared. I suppose that’s all for the best, though. Everything happens for a reason. At any rate, there were those three dates, plus enough to count on one hand that I’ve ever been on. Not a one included flowers, or anything that might be considered romantic.

What the hell is romance, anyway? Merriam-Webster (oh come nuh, allyuh know I does define tings already!) defines romance as, “: to try to influence or curry favor with especially by lavishing personal attention, gifts, or flattery”. From what I’ve been told of myself, I’m ‘pretty confident on my own’, I’m ‘easy going and don’t appear to demand much attention’, and, my personal favorite, ‘I thought you’d be insulted if I got you something. I know how you independent women are’.

Now. *scratches head* I’ve never been the type of independent woman to demand that everything be done the way I’d want it done, in the sense that…ok, the easier way of putting this is, I’m not that ‘Destiny’s Child Independent Woman’. I don’t refuse gifts; I’m not a bitch about my independence. I always say that I am independent by need, not necessarily by desire. (It’s hard to explain.)

With all that said, I can honestly say that I can’t truly think of any instance where there was a romantic overtone on any of my dates (barring one shared milkshake date which I still think was really cute). For the most part, I’ve been told that my laid back demeanor and understanding nature leads to…whatever. Insert something.

So as I ponder this latest rambling thought process, I ask you: Do you believe in romance? What is the most romantic thing you have ever experienced?

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Sagittarius KP Woes (A New Season)

I am one of the most passionate people you know. Truly. Take that whatever way you'd like.

I kiss.

I tell.

I exude confidence and uncertainty all at the same time.

And I am approaching a new season.

I truly believe that people do not ever change: they simply adapt to the situation that they are in until a) the situation changes in such a manner that they feel free to expose more of their true self, or b) until their true self seeps out unexpectedly. What changes is a person's situation, their surroundings, and the people in their lives. That's about it.

With that said, as a Sagittarius, I have found myself evaluating recently what I say to people: any person, be it a close friend or a distant acquaintance. By now, depending on how long you have been following my ramblings, you probably have noticed my internal battles with not just what I say and how I say it, but with speaking from the heart first and the mind second. I don't ever regret what I say to people or how I say it...I simply find myself questioning whether or not I should say anything at all.

I observe much more than the average person realizes. One thing that I have noticed when saying something in my traditional 'no filter' fashion is a person's outward laughter - but their body language cringes. I find it interesting to watch people's reactions to me and what I say. That isn't the purpose of this post, though. I have been censoring myself more and more for a number of reasons, the largest being that I'm not sure that my thoughts are for everyone. Those of you that are reading this that truly know me may be ready to cut me off now and say, "OK, cut it out". But I'm serious. I find myself wanting to say more and more less and less. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

A true Sagittarius enters potential relationships with an open mind and their guards up. If they see potential, the guards come crashing down. Why? Because if a Sagittarius likes you, they give their everything. (at least, the Sags I know are like that.) The obvious issue with this is, unless you find your soul mate after the first shot, are you giving your everything to each person you meet until you meet that 'one'? The obvious response to this should be 'no'...and the average person will say, 'well, stop giving your all to every damn body yuh meet, yuh rass...' (oh. wait. that's me who'd say that).

And it is currently what I am saying to myself. I am such an honest person that I realize I can reveal too much about me in my honest revelries. Sometimes, the people that other people surround themselves with are not the right match for you. As a result, they don't need to know your business. I have to remind myself of this every time I gather the urge to be too honest. The other thing is - for me - that I am coming upon this new season where my self-analysis is at an all time high. This will mean more being critical of me - and less to say. Sometimes...less is more. Seriously.

What do you think? Thoughts, please...

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Team Me: The Trappings of Success?

I love everyone that is on "Team Me".

I love everyone that is on "Team Me" that's here for the right reasons.

Wait...what's "Team Me"?

Ok. If you follow social media trends enough, you'll notice that a popular terminology is "Team" (insert random statement here). So for example, it would be, "Team BlackBerry", "Team iPhone" =o) (<----sorry, I'm an iPhone user), "Team GoHard", etc., etc. Those of you who know me (and we're going to get to that later) know that all these trends make me laugh, so much so that I decided, "hey, I wanna be down, who's with Team Me?!?"

And then I sat down and actually asked myself: Who IS on Team Me?

The people that truly know me know a few things about me: I don't care about your personal situation. What you do with your time is none of my concern unless it directly affects me. Money doesn't and never has interested me enough to make me befriend someone. The differences between the people I call my 'friend' is such a drastic difference that one would be hard pressed to even be able to find more than two commonalities between them (one being that they're friends with me, the other that they are smart asses - like me). Yes, I've always wanted to fit in...but that was growing up. At 28 years old, I am more than content in the person that I am - a rarity in a sea of common people. I still find, however, that I have more than a few "friends" - the ones that are my friend because my business sense is always tingling like Spiderman. Or because they love my cooking and want me to show them a few tricks. Perhaps we're friends because...well, you know the phrase..."friends close, enemies closer"? It's always an interesting sight to see.

I don't have friends that I'm friends with for separate reasons. I don't have Facebook friends versus real friends. If I call you 'friend', then it is that simple. You are my friend. I have people, granted, that I am significantly closer to than others. I have people that I can count on one hand that know almost everything about me...and with the exception of one person, that list hasn't changed since 1996...but overall, if I call you my friend, it is because you are just that - my friend. And you are my friend because I like you and I like hanging out with you. Simple.

So now. Back to "Team Me". It's a great thing if you believe in my business and what I'm trying to accomplish. I love it if you enjoy what I write and what I make. I have no problem being that go to person to get a resume done, or to get a recommendation from. But hear this: if you are on my team because you think that being on my team will get you credibility or prestige, or get you further in your endeavors, know this - I work smart and I work hard. I didn't get this far by being stupid. Your 'stylo' (<---remember that early 90's word? Ha!) is pretty transparent and believe me, I caught on long ago. I'm just waiting for you to weed yourself out. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Do you have friends and 'friends'? How do you determine who is different from who? Do you find that people on the rise tend to have more friends than others? Why do you think that is? Grab your morning cup of hot steamy stuff and chat wid meh fuh a spell...

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Monday Morning Ramblings

It's a dreary Monday morning and all I can do is play and replay all of the various items I need to take care of, on both a personal level and a business level. I'm a bit cranky today...well, not so much cranky as in deep thought...analyzing myself in different areas, you know? But anyway. My mind is wandering...

1. I'm really rather upset that the microwave at my job burned my turkey bacon after all of 25 seconds. I mean, really? It was perfectly cooked!

2. I woke up this morning dreading having to go to work. Like, actually dreading it. Some of you may find this normal. This is never a good sign for me, since I actually like my job. I've been feeling like this more and more lately.

3. I cannot wait to see my dreams take off. That being said, I can't help but wonder if I'm making the right decision. I worry about how my daughter will deal with the transition.

4. Sometimes, I wonder if I live in an alternate universe where I'm still 15 years old and I just missed the memo. My mother tends to treat me as such, no matter what I do, no matter how old I get or how established I get - nothing I ever do is good enough.

5. My locs are a hot flaming mess. They're growing faster than I can keep up with them.

6. Sex, amongst other things, is on my brain hard core right now. This is more than likely due to the fact that I am so backed up that if I look down I wouldn't be surprised to see cobwebs was listening to Maxwell on the way to work.

7.  Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly say what's on my mind without whoever I'm telling looking at me in utter shock. Probably not.

8. I've been losing weight, which is good. Now I need new clothes. This is not so good. I guess in the grand scheme of things, though, the needing new clothes is the better bargain.

9. I started school again about a month ago. I no longer want to be bothered. I have too much to do. This is why I need a personal assistant...because this is getting to be insane...(I'm still accepting applications for this, btw...)

10. Two thoughts just came to me at once, so here goes...
a. I hate when someone tells you that they're going to talk to you and then leaves you hanging until they're ready. That irks me to no end. Just tell me now or don't say a blasted ting atall...
b. I had another thought, but someone just came in and interrupted my train of thought, so now I don't remember my other thought...
c. Oh! I remembered my other thought. If you ask someone not to say something to someone about something...and you go ahead and you tell that what you were asked not to say...this qualifies you for an automatic ass whooping. Well, maybe not an ass whooping...but at the very least, you can rest assured that I will not be telling you much of anything anymore.

11. *yawns* I'm rather sleepy...

12. It irks me to no end when you email someone and they respond back, ask you a question, and then don't respond for days after days. I think it's more that I cannot stand being ignored. Like, it infuriates me. 

Anyway. Enough of my ramblings for today. What's going on in your world today? Have a sip of tea (or coffee, whatever your poison) and chat with me...

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Dear Twitter: Clear Plastic Bra Straps and Stuff with Substance

I was talking to my 'tweep' The Absentminded Oracle on Twitter earlier today, and she was tweeting about how she saw this young lady in clear plastic bra straps and how she didn't know who's bright idea that was, she could still see them.

Definite cosign.

I mean, really. It's a bra strap. We've already established that whoever's bright idea it was to invent the bra evidently did not take into consideration comfort initially (and contrary to popular belief, women invented bras). Why would you assume that a plastic bra strap would not be seen? Um...I just want people to focus here. And then people just wear them so...brazenly (no pun intended)...as if we don't see the clear piece of plastic now stuck to your shoulder blade. Invest in a good strapless bra. They even make them in my size. What's my size? I'm SOO not telling.

Moving on.

I like to go blog hopping from time to time. I enjoy reading about various different points of view and tomfoolery.  Some of my good friends' blog have me nodding my head in agreement or laughing until tears come out of my eyes. Really and truly. I like to read, period. What I've been noticing as of late is that many great blogs have been going unread, in favor of...well....shoes. (And, for the record, I LOVE shoes. With an undying passion.) Either shoes...or gossip...or just stupid, silly, unimportant things. And I guess some of that is because we are a society that thrives on gossip and being in other people's business. What I can't understand is, why do so many of us claim to want to live positively and be 'drama free', but then follow the drama like bees follow people eating food?

In twitter speak, wheredeydodat@?

I guess what is important to people is relative. Sometimes, people enjoy reading/or looking at drama (read: "train wreck") because it's entertaining. I can honestly say that I do laugh sometimes when I see drama unfold in the streets. But it's usually an uncomfortable laughter...more like "sheesh. some people are just ok with embarassing themselves". I don't know that I'd seek that out for entertainment, though. Or maybe it's just that I'm too serious. *ponders this* No...I don't think that's it. I LOVE laughing. I dunno.

Is there a fashion faux pas that irritates you? What do you find entertaining? When you read something, what about it excites or compels you?

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Growing Pains

I lost a friend recently. It was painful.

You will recall me talking about getting into an argument with a good friend of mine, and questioning whether or not I made the right choice by bringing her into my inner circle. We got into it again recently and she made the decision to make her feelings known on two very popular social media forums, even going so far as to tag me in the posts, instead of talking to me and trying to get me to understand what she was thinking and/or going through. Obviously these are the very BASE details, but it got me to thinking heavily about who I am, what I do, and where my flaws lie. I'm very big into self exploration and introspection. It is safe to say that we are no longer friends. If I know nothing else about myself, I know that I do not tolerate ANYONE defaming my character, particularly when they are in a position to be an adult and have a discussion with me about whatever the problem is. It's unfortunate too. Up until that point, I really cared. *shrugs*.

Growing up is a painful, PAINFUL process that sometimes involves making decisions that you may not want to make, and doing things that you may or may not want to actually do. It involves being the bigger person when all of your instincts (and sometimes, other people) scream that you are not wrong, that you are being wronged (and sometimes, the reverse). It sometimes means that the people with whom you are the closest; the people who you think understand you the most; are also the ones that you have to watch the closest; for they have the power to do the most damage. Sometimes...it means swallowing your pride and confronting your feelings, even when you feel like being the punk of the century. Growing up is not always fun...shedding your outer skin for fresh skin sometimes leaves you feeling vulnerable...and even a little lost.

Of course, with fresh skin comes a certain glow and a new start on this thing we call life. Sure, right now, when the wound is still fresh, you feel a bit raw and exposed - for me, I know that there were things that I was able to share with this person that I never had to explain to others - they just seemed to get it. However...anytime someone will go so far as to accuse you of being 'envious' and of 'stealing their dream' - particularly when they themselves walked away from it, or when their biggest obstacle to success was them - is not someone that you can help...not, at least, until they help themselves. The point is that growing up may hurt at first...but you always emerge stronger as a result.

Have you ever encountered a painful 'growing up' experience, either in your present or in your past? How did you let it shape who you currently are?

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On to the Next One and all great songs in between

Isn't it amazing how music speaks to your life? Like, you ever hear a song and you get so lost in the lyrics and the music because it just sounded like whoever the songwriter was literally sat with you in your room while you devoured that mocha chip ice cream and listened to your tears ramble? Or caught you when you were daydreaming at dance school about using the wall for support because he was...

Oh. Maybe that's just how I feel about a good song.

I love music and I love listening to music. Many a time, even now as I write this, I am jamming to Alison Hinds' station on Pandora, with interpolations of Machel Montano. Two hours ago, my favorite 'Ayicien' and 'Puertorriqueno' man was serenading me and reminding me of my bad habits. Sigh.

I love music.

I have been finding more solace in music lately as I go on this journey of mine to continue becoming stronger in who I am. It's not easy sometimes. Even as I listen to Mr. Hammond sing about his Queen, I wonder who besides my baby girl sees me that way - as a Queen. I know I see me as a Queen, so that's really all that matters...but I'd be lying if I said I didn't sometimes wonder I held any value to others.

Earlier, I threw on Mr. S. Dot and felt my inner Brooklyn as I considered 'getting violent' - I hate being disrespected and after being blatantly disregarded, my rage was barely contained...Mr. Carter made me feel better, I just angrily spit his lyrics to myself and tried to breathe.

I know someone else has been there before.

The other day, when I was listening to Symptoms Unknown, I wondered where this song was when I was trying to figure out where my relationship went. Right now, Machel is making me wanna get 'pon de road an wuk up', and leave my cares behind. Music is my comfort zone and my panacea when things are good and when they are bad. It helps me sort out many things, especially when I don't feel like talking.

What do you do when you have a lot on your mind?

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