So this morning, I read something that my homie posted and I caught a jealousy attack for about, five seconds.
GASP.
I don't do jealousy. I am secure in myself and who I am. I am secure in my relations with my friends and whomever I may be seeing/dealing with at the present moment. I know my value in each of these individual relationships, and, if for some reason, I find myself questioning my value in the relationship, then it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
So then, why the moment? Why did my heart get a little tight and my eyes a little narrower? Can I blame it on PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrome - I never get it before, only after)? What should I make of this sudden surge of emotion?
It might be time to walk away.
I say this because for the first time, I actually caught myself questioning my value to said relationship, which is interesting because I never questioned it before. I currently have enough relationships with people that I do not need anymore - that is, my circle of friends is complete, and I have no intention of making that circle bigger, of allowing anyone else in...there are enough people in that circle to care about to begin with. So saying that, when I caught myself questioning my value, it was weird.
Sometimes, writing is cathartic because as I'm writing this, I am reasoning my reaction out in my head and I am realizing that I am, indeed, overreacting. (Funny enough, my horoscope said that I would today, too.) I think I haven't had enough sleep. Sozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
*wink* TTYL...
GASP.
I don't do jealousy. I am secure in myself and who I am. I am secure in my relations with my friends and whomever I may be seeing/dealing with at the present moment. I know my value in each of these individual relationships, and, if for some reason, I find myself questioning my value in the relationship, then it's time to reevaluate the relationship.
So then, why the moment? Why did my heart get a little tight and my eyes a little narrower? Can I blame it on PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrome - I never get it before, only after)? What should I make of this sudden surge of emotion?
It might be time to walk away.
I say this because for the first time, I actually caught myself questioning my value to said relationship, which is interesting because I never questioned it before. I currently have enough relationships with people that I do not need anymore - that is, my circle of friends is complete, and I have no intention of making that circle bigger, of allowing anyone else in...there are enough people in that circle to care about to begin with. So saying that, when I caught myself questioning my value, it was weird.
Sometimes, writing is cathartic because as I'm writing this, I am reasoning my reaction out in my head and I am realizing that I am, indeed, overreacting. (Funny enough, my horoscope said that I would today, too.) I think I haven't had enough sleep. Sozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
*wink* TTYL...
