Sagittarius Season! The Facts

If you're a Sagittarius, stand up!!!

From November 22 to December 21, Sagittariuses rule the time frame. As a Sagittarius myself, I am personally excited that it is my season. Granted, it is ALWAYS my season, as I LOVE being a true Sagittarius, but I am particularly thrilled that it is my season currently. This means that my birthday's coming up, and it means a year older and about three years wiser for me. 

Don't know anything about Sagittariuses, or astrology? Here is a quick crash course: 

Astrology is "the divination of the supposed influences of the stars and planets on human affairs and terrestrial events by their positions and aspects". (Merriam Webster Online) It is deemed a superstitious belief in the sense that it is based on a concept that is infallible or omnipotent in nature. However, the astrologists that study the constellations and their position can argue that each constellation sign is connected to a series of like characteristics that, when processed for a certain period of time, reflect the people born within that time frame.

With that said, here are some facts about the sign of Sagittarius:

·         The sign of Sagittarius is governed by the Greek mythical being the centaur. The centaur symbolizes mankind’s dual nature as an intellectual creature (the human half) which was also a physical animal (the horse half). (Scopes)

·         Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. (astrology-online)

·         They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgment, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand concepts that are new to them.

·         A fire sign, Sagittariuses are prone to get along with other fire signs such as Aries and Leo, both romantically and on a friendship level. As a fire sign, however, this gives Sags a generally quick temper.

·         Sagittarians have an often blind faith in people, and in the world. Their optimism is infectious, although it can get them into trouble from time to time. These are curious people who love to learn. Their idealistic nature is hard to miss.

·         Sagittarius people see themselves as warm-blooded folk. They are, but they sometimes run roughshod over others' feelings during their more passionate debates. They can be blunt with people, although if they have a more tactful Mercury placement, this quality will be subdued. Their direct, blunt approach is most obvious in bed. They're passionate lovers, and are turned on by open-mindedness and good humor.

To all of my fellow Sags…does this sound like you? To those who know Sags, does any of this sound familiar?

Discuss…

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Sexy Intimacy Love Lust Bullsh...

Your skin possesses a thin sheen, a glisten only accomplished from one of two acts of exertion. This time, it’s not the gym – Lord knows, you can’t remember when last you stepped inside of that place. A touch turns into a caress. Caress turns into that grip on your hip – the one right before your back arches – and you lose all control.

Later on, you all lie against damp sheets and discuss everything under the sun. Perhaps you don’t. Perhaps you lay there in post-bliss. You might decide to cuddle – your front to their back – or the reverse. You could even dispense with all of the above – and just go to sleep. If it’s a 4 am relationship, then maybe you’re just about headed back to the car at this point. (If you are headed to the bus, I think now would be an ideal time to consider a new 4 am relationship.)

Maybe you’re just gearing up for round 2. Or 3.

Any of the above scenarios sound familiar? They should.

If you are sexually active, then chances are, one of the following above scenarios have occurred, at some point or another. Sex, in all of its facets, is an enjoyable exertion of calories, pleasures, positions, etc. Many songs have been written about this seemingly private deed. I am 100% sure that there is not a person out there that couldn’t name at least 2 songs based on sex. (Don’t worry. I’ll wait.)

Now. Pay close attention to my next question. Of the above scenario – which was the most appealing part?

Some of you might have said the back arching part. (Especially if you are currently backed up.) Others might have quoted the cuddling as your favorite part. I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of you, however, said that you valued the whole experience. Sex without intimacy is, for all intents and purposes, simply rutting. Everyone craves intimacy in some form - whether they want to admit it or not. Often, in my opinion, intimacy is coupled with the idea that said people coupling are in some form of committed relationship – which is not necessarily the case – or is it?

So I throw out the question to you: Do you prefer sex – or intimacy? What is your definition of both? When in those moments of craving bodily contact, is it for the sex – or for the intimacy? 

Be honest…

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Long Days and Bunless Nights

This is easily the fourth post I've started to write today. I'm going to finish this one.

I think Robin Thicke said it best: "Stressed out/Uptight/Overworked/Wound up/Unleash/What you got/Let me see your naughty side"...

Except my naughty side is just a figment of my imagination that I read about on clever websites like this one. There is nothing going on over here, at least not in a little while.

It's sooo unhealthy.

People say it's not. That's not true. A healthy sex life is proven to be an important part of a working person's lifestyle. The pheromones released while engaging in intercourse leads to clearer thinking, the calories burned while having sex leads to more exercise than some cardio...yadda yadda yadda. Don't believe me? Read this.

And yet...there is NOTHING going on on this side.

It's not even for lack of prospects. I've had some interesting proposals lately. To be honest, I have someone in mind...they're just inaccessible right now. Sigh. To that end, I started to consider recently the prospect of just having a permanent 'bakery' in my house, where I could get 'buns' all the time. You might call that a relationship. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Well...I'm ready for the buns. Just not the rest of it. I don't think.

At any rate, allyuh, I feel that itch coming. You know the one. It's the one where yuh liming (hanging out) by somebody and yuh gone an' realize  that you are approaching tipsy...the nice tipsy, the one right before you pull out your phone, pull up that number, and proceed to put in your request for the evening.

I need to make a request somewhere. Yeah, I know. There's probably a healthier way to handle this, but whatever. Itches need scratching.

What do you do when you feel that 'itch' coming on? Do you feel that it's healthy for people to engage in casual relations? What is your take on a healthy sex life?

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The Buddy Curse

I think I might have 'buddy' stamped on my forehead. No, really, I'm serious.

If you're on my FB page, then you may (or not) have seen my status about my lovely just-turned-96 year old grandmother explaining to me that the reason that I don't have a man yet is because I don't know how to fold clothes. Before that, I was chatting with an ex of mine (though I don't know if he really qualifies as an ex, but more on that later) about relationships and people and why I was still single (well, he wanted to know.)

Let's expound.

We were talking about my business (I'm a caterer and personal chef, for those reading that don't know) and how I had reached a point of stagnation, the first of many points, I'm sure, and how I wasn't going to let it frustrate me, but that I needed an assistant, for various reasons. So he was asking me about that...and then we veered into the topic of relationships, or, rather, my lack of one.

Cue the Twilight Zone music. Just trust me on this one.

So he asked me why I was still single - you know, what with me being 'so cute and smart, really smart, and articulate, well versed, very talented, and now business savvy' (I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm telling you exactly what he said). I'm here looking at the phone like, "well, maybe I should be asking you why you decided you didn't want to be with me, if I have all these redeeming qualities..." So then he says, "it's not that I didn't want to be with you...I didn't want to be with anyone. I wasn't ready to give up my oneness to make it two. I wasn't ready for the level of honesty and trust that you put out there. It's almost as if you're TOO honest...not to mention that you would know if I was screwing something up because I can talk to you about anything and I've told you that, the minute that I didn't tell you something, you'd know I was lying..."

Damn. So maybe I said that last one out loud. Hmm.

A few months back, a homie of mine told me he couldn't marry me because I was 'too observant'. When I gave him the side eye, he explained that I should take it as a compliment. I gave him a double dose of side eye. I later on realized that he meant that he couldn't get over on me, that I paid attention to detail and so I would not be with the 'games'. I guess that is a compliment. I know that he, too, told me that he could tell me anything, and that it was one of the things that he enjoyed most about me.

Obviously I'm single. Still don't know why.

Well, that's not altogether true. I do know why I'm single. I am single in part because I choose to be. I know what I want and I know that I'm not exactly where I want to be, so I remain single. On the other hand, I know that I tend to veer towards guys that I know ultimately are emotionally 'unavailable' - that is, they are not interested in a relationship for various reasons. Some of this is accidental, some of this is an unusual defense mechanism, I'm sure, to avoid dealing with the emotional accoutrement that comes with being in a relationship. Some of this is, simply, the buddy curse.

What is the buddy curse, you might ask? The buddy curse is when the guy that you are interested in likes you, likes talking to you, being with you, hanging out and/or 'hooking up' with you, but isn't with you because you are 'too cool' or 'too real'. I know that guys enjoy the chase and the allure of being with a woman and that they also enjoy a little bit of elusiveness...but I thought that they also wanted someone that they could chill with just as easily as they could dress up and take out? Have I relegated myself to being a 'buddy' because of how I am?

Guys and girls, this is when I turn to you. What do YOU look for in a mate? Do people that are much more down to earth and relaxed end up remaining 'buddies'? Thoughts, please...

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Viva La Arrogant Pipe!!

One of the wonderful things about my good friends is that they are just as crazy and mad as I am. It is this quality that endears me to them, that makes me smile when I am not in the mood, that causes me to come close to spitting my gum/juice/sandwich across the room if I am reading what they are saying while imbibing any of those things. More often than not, my sides are aching from laughing so hard after dealing with them.

Yesterday, of course, was no exception.

We were talking about 'getting some', and our choice of partners. Now. In this day and age, women tend to have a much more liberal approach to these sorts of encounters. If you remember my post on the 12 noon relationship versus the 4 am relationship, you will remember that I point out that there is a difference between these two types of relationships, and that both are healthy - so long as you know what you're getting yourself into either way.

So yesterday, we joked about past and/or present 4 am relationships and how we as independent women handled ourselves and our...er...needs. My friend, fool that she is, came up with the phrase, "Viva La Arrogant Pipe!" She, of course, was teasing me about my choice of an arrogant...err...12/4 am relationship. (Yea, I don't know. Sue me.)

The moral of this, or, rather, the thing currently on my mind, is, how much do we tolerate when dealing with someone we are interested in? Does sex genuinely put 'rose colored glasses' on a person's flaws? Is it that in some cases, people on the outside looking in cannot see past that person's flaws? Moreover, does it even matter if it's just a 4 am relationship?

Thoughts and ramblings...think, discuss...

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Keeping it Real? Uh, no...

You don't want the real.

Seriously, no one REALLY wants the real.

We run around, putting up these blogs and catchy one liners "I'm looking for a real (fill in the blanks)"

But, let's put it all out there and keep it 'real' for once. What dude wants to meet a chick with the goggle eye glasses and the dry ass eczema or psoriasis patch on the 1st date? Wouldn't you rather go out with the shorty with the expertly applied M.A.C. face, designed to 'look' natural?


Don't front, you know it's true...


And ladies, come on now. We all say, "he's gotta be motivated. About something. Stable. It's what upstairs that counts". But if a dude told you from the door that he was starting his own business so he wouldn't have to work for anyone (read: broke and, chances are, doing civil and/or no work) would you REALLY want to stick around? Do we REALLY go to the singles networking parties looking for the BeetleJuice looking bruh with a BRAIN? Yeah, not so much.


Some of you might be like, "yeah, I'm not that shallow or superficial". Yeah, we are. Me included. Everyone earns the right to their own opinions and preferences, but we have all, at one point or another, been admittedly (or unadmittedly) shallow. We'd rather meet someone with minimal flaws at the door, but get pissed off if someone points out own own flaws, or are not accepting of them. What's 'real' about that?


Chris Rock said it best. (paraphrase) "you are meeting their representative" on the first date (and the next few). Neither side wants to or is prepared to meet pre-Proactiv, holey yet comfortable, wedgie picking, 'I have gas all the got damn time' person until much, MUCH later in the game. And yes, of course, all of these things are exaggerated somewhat. (Or maybe not). The point is, I get a kick out of seeing 'keep it real' blasted all over everything.

When I first met someone once, I came out in, no lie, pajamas, a head tie, and work Crocs. I KNOW I looked like I just rolled out of bed. And granted, this is because I had, but I'm saying. I was curious if my appearance mattered. So far I don't think it's had any adverse affect, but the truth is, it's rather hard to tell with this one. I think that's also part of the fun - the figuring out what that person thinks of you and whether they like you for you or if they're really just digging your 'representative'. It's also a good way to tell if you're the 4 am phone call or the 12 noon call, if you know what I mean. If you don't, you shouldn't even be reading this. LOL. Moving on...

Here are some tips of the trade that I have weaned from previous relationships and '4 am'ers. Please note...this is NOT a self-help book...I do psychology but I am NOT a psychologist, so please. Take this list as the light hearted tidbits of info that it is and NOT as gospel...thanks...

Keeping it "real" with your significant other (aka how to tell when this stops being a 4 am relationship)

1. Don't lay it all out there on the first date. No, seriously. Don't. If he knows what your plans are at 25, 28, 34, and 41, then what is there to talk about on the second date? World peace? Take it easy and pace the conversation...

2. Ok. Here's a big one. It's ok if you tell them how you feel within REASON. My experience with this is that sometimes, you blurt out 'I love you' in the getting to know you phase and scare folk completely away. Yes, be open about your feelings, but don't get all blabberish and tell them how many children you want and in what order after three weeks. That's a really BAD idea...(that is, unless the other person starts the conversation and you are in agreeance. in that case, roll with it, kiddo.)

3. Don't go meet them in a durag, a doobie, and pajamas. Seriously. If this is someone that you are getting to know, and they don't really KNOW you yet, put some sort of effort into your appearance. Like it or not, first impressions really ARE everything.

4. If you are a '4 am'er, you do NOT earn the right to get jealous. The danger of being a 4 am relationship is that if the...ahem...'4 am conversation' is good enough, you start thinking that there could be more and that you are entitled to more. Please be CLEAR on your boundaries and what you are to that person. Remember not to make someone your priority when you are their option. (I am still remembering this, so this is as much for me as it is for the reader) The minute that one of you starts to 'catch feelings' is the minute that it may be time to reevaluate...


5. For my Facebookers that may also double as '4 am'ers...sigh...why do you blow your self up on your resident 4 am'ers page? Seriously? Are you expecting said person to acknowledge you? Be real with yourself: know what role you play in your current relationship status. If this reads as insulting, annoying, or touches a nerve, then chances are this is you and it's time to reevaluate. What, exactly? Do you actually want to be in a 4 am relationship? If you want the whole shebang, then perhaps this is not the route you want...perhaps falling back and looking at YOUR whole picture is your best bet...be real with yourSELF first.

6. Now. Once you have established what time of day relationship this is, and you've made it past the preliminary dating period and into a relationship, this is where 'keeping it real' comes into play. Here's the deal, and it gets no realer...If you cannot:

-pass gas around each other
-show off your stretchmarks outside of the Spanx
-talk about meeting your crazy uncle
-tell your momma (or appropriate family member) about them
-get a land line number (or a work number, whichever)
-wear your own hair out around them
-see each other without the smoke and mirrors of makeup and body products
-do a number 2 while they're in the same house
-argue every now and again and make up
-stop looking through their email, phone, Sidekick, or other PDA advice
-see their email, phone, Sidekick, or other PDA advice
-stop being jealous of platonic relationships with other people
-say I love you and mean it
-meet their best friend

It might be time to reevaluate not only whether you're 'keeping it real', but whether this is the right relationship for you. If you keep the spoiling apple around, eventually, it spoils the other apples in the bushel.

Just a bit of food for thought...

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