I got a phone call yesterday. I got a phone call yesterday that said that one of my closest friends had passed away. I got that call yesterday...and I haven't been the same since.
Allyuh should know by now how I feel about reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. My friend that passed away was someone that I always believe came into my life for a reason - in part, to show me a confidence that I did not know, in her own strange way. We grew apart over the past two years, mainly because, in my opinion, our season was over and we tried desperately to extend it past what it needed to be. All of our times were not good - we argued more than a little bit - but there were many good times, many unintentionally hilarious, tears falling out of our eyes till we literally peed on ourselves, side aching moments. We weren't always honest with each other - I became better at this, her not so much - but we were honest in the love and affection that we had for each other. I felt a pang when I stopped speaking to her. I felt as if I didn't do enough as a friend to try to get her to a better place. But I realized (at the time, anyway) that the only way that she would get to a better her is if I left her alone. Sometimes, you can only do but so much. From what I've heard, she was able to be a better her - working a great full time job, her own place, etc etc.
Hearing that news yesterday made me question my decision all over again. Though I don't usually regret anything, I do regret not telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, even though the dynamics of our relationship had changed. I wish I could show her the person I am now: confident, poised, successful - the person that I feel that she always wanted me to be, even though I don't think she knew how to express that effectively at the time. A part of me wishes that the stubborn person in me would have picked up the phone and called her, just to say hello. But such is the way that life works...you never know what you've got till it's gone.
So to my girl - We had the best of times. We had the worst of times. We had times (and shiny planes) that I will never forget. Thank you for helping me be my best me, in your own way. Wish I could tell you this in person. I tip my glass of SoCo and Lime to you. I hope your soul is at peace.
Make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them.
Allyuh should know by now how I feel about reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. My friend that passed away was someone that I always believe came into my life for a reason - in part, to show me a confidence that I did not know, in her own strange way. We grew apart over the past two years, mainly because, in my opinion, our season was over and we tried desperately to extend it past what it needed to be. All of our times were not good - we argued more than a little bit - but there were many good times, many unintentionally hilarious, tears falling out of our eyes till we literally peed on ourselves, side aching moments. We weren't always honest with each other - I became better at this, her not so much - but we were honest in the love and affection that we had for each other. I felt a pang when I stopped speaking to her. I felt as if I didn't do enough as a friend to try to get her to a better place. But I realized (at the time, anyway) that the only way that she would get to a better her is if I left her alone. Sometimes, you can only do but so much. From what I've heard, she was able to be a better her - working a great full time job, her own place, etc etc.
Hearing that news yesterday made me question my decision all over again. Though I don't usually regret anything, I do regret not telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, even though the dynamics of our relationship had changed. I wish I could show her the person I am now: confident, poised, successful - the person that I feel that she always wanted me to be, even though I don't think she knew how to express that effectively at the time. A part of me wishes that the stubborn person in me would have picked up the phone and called her, just to say hello. But such is the way that life works...you never know what you've got till it's gone.
So to my girl - We had the best of times. We had the worst of times. We had times (and shiny planes) that I will never forget. Thank you for helping me be my best me, in your own way. Wish I could tell you this in person. I tip my glass of SoCo and Lime to you. I hope your soul is at peace.
