Emotionally Unavailable? Yep, That's Me (Self Analysis #1 of...)

I said I was going to do this. I do my best to do what I say I'm going to do.

Self analysis is one thing. Self analysis with an audience is another.

Sigh.

So. I love reading other people's blogs. I think that it gives me insight on a lot of levels. 1. It helps me to be a better blogger, 2. It helps me see what the blog world is talking about, and 3. (and most important to me) it really is great to see what other's opinions are, especially when they're well versed.

One of the blogs I love reading is Naked With Socks On. NWSO does a great job of analyzing relationship and sexual issues, and his Wet Wednesdays usually leave me needing a wet rag...well...you know what? That's not for this blog.

So anyway. I was checking out his midnight post tonight as I attempted to put together my blog posts for Confessions of an Ex-Foodie, and the first thing I read was: "Will I Ever Make Time for Love?" All I could think of was, "Wow. Was he reading my mind or something?" A couple of days ago, I surely was trying to figure out how I was going to stay on my grind and grind for love at the same time. Then again, I'm the same person that doesn't know what love is.

Sheesh. What is going on in my brain? It's time for me to sort this out. Seriously.

And here I am. Sorting this out. Productive, isn't it? Okok. I'm going to stop rambling for just a second and actually string some thoughts together that make sense. Part of my issue is that I'm like a switch. But then, if you've been reading this for a while, then you know this. And I always said it wasn't healthy. It's not and I know this. Sometimes I'd actually like to be much more in tune with my feelings and my emotions. I'm great at giving advice...in fact, I find myself advising my friends often. I'm good with coming up with ideas and that sort of thing. But put me in an emotionally stressful situation and off goes the switch (or on, depending). I am good and emotionally unavailable. I know, I know, I know. It's not healthy. But it's safe for me. *shrugs* Right?

But what about throwing caution to the wind and just doing the not so safe thing? Ehh. I don't know that I wanna. I know I talked all that smack about how easy it is for me to grind for my career and my dreams but ask me about grinding for love and you'll get the *blank stare* from me. Although I can honestly say that I'm working on it. Sorta. Kinda. Ok, so maybe it's more like I'm going to work on it, as soon as I conjure up enough nerve. Which I have. Kinda. Sorta.

Oh, for crying out loud. I don't know!!

I'll tell you what I do know. I know that I love. Hard. Really and truly. Like, world on a silver platter hard. Like, last dollar in my bank account hard. I really am a ride or die type of person. And granted, past relationships have taught me that no matter what, do not lose sight of yourself in your quest to be joined. But a part of me, a big part of me worries and wonders if when I find that special someone that makes me a priority and not a monthly option, when I get to that place where I'm ready to be with someone in that kind of way, if I won't lapse back into that person that gives her all and everything and forgets who she is in the process. Who forgets what she's trying to be and become in the process. That is a huge worry for me.

There's more to that above. There really is. But that is for another blog and another time.

Are you emotionally unavailable or know someone who is emotionally unavailable in love and relationships? What is your take on this? Speak...discuss...comment...

Read More

Ramblings Live and Direct from "Vacation" - Part Deux

Once again, it is 'vacation' time over here in KP world. All this means is that I have more time to spend with my shorty doo wop and to work on my business stuff. There's always a lot going on in my world. So it's time for more semi-classic ramblings of mine. Here goes:

1. I need a personal assistant. No, really, I do. I'm great with ideas and I'm good with follow through and being motivated. It's my organization that is poorly lacking. I need someone to keep me focused when I get excited and come up with another 'idea'. Seriously...any takers? Inquire within...

2. I always manage to care for the ones who don't feel nearly the same way about me. I am sure this is because I don't know what I'm looking for or what I truly want. I feel like an 'option'. It frustrates me because all I want sometimes is for them to feel the way I do. And then I remind myself of how unrealistic this is and I go back to working on me and waiting until my time comes.

3. I say this time and time again: tell me when something's bothering you that I did. If you were able to tell someone else, that means it was a big enough deal and it bothered you enough to mention it. I don't know what is so difficult about this to understand. I hate when I find out after the fact. Hate it. Really and truly. No. Really. I hate it. Stop the madness.

4. Above my left elbow itches. I scratched it...now my other arm itches. It's like the traveling itch up in here.

5. People are always so tickled when I 'start speaking West Indian'. *stare* Um...right.

6. I've been rather emo all day. I'm sure it's a post menstrual thing. I always get it after. Not before.

7. The natural filter that I have built in that prompts me to use tact is paper thin lately. I think it's because I'm bunless. I'm going to have to work on that.

8. I still have not the faintest clue of what love is or what I want. One day, I'm thinking with "Miss Thang". The next, I'm thinking with my heart. Wait...not my heart. You know how I feel about my heart. But you get where I'm going with this.

9. One of these days, I'm going to seriously get someone who enjoys cleaning up. Because I hate it. I like to create. I hate to clean. And yet, I have to have an organized kitchen. I'm weird, I know. That's why these are my 'ramblings'...lol...

10. Everything is annoying me right now. I feel like talking to someone and yet I feel like talking to no one. Maybe that's why I'm writing this blog.

11. Maxwell is playing on Pandora right now. I am changing the song. I'm not a fan of this one. *switches song* (by not a fan, I mean of the song playing. Not of Maxwell. I love Maxwell. If Maxwell were to show up at my door right now, I'd talk to allyuh in another week or four.)

12. I want a Happily Ever After. I also want buns. Badly. I know the two don't really equate...at least, not the way that you're thinking as you read this. Uggh. I've GOT to stop thinking with Miss Thang.

I'm done rambling for now. Maybe I just need to lay down. Later, peeps...

Read More

The 'Truth' about Chivalry, Part 2: Get Over It!

This was supposed to be a blog about random stuff that I see all the time because I haven't written a blog about that in a long time. 


I changed my mind. I told allyuh, this is what happens when yuh gone and lemme write all dis ting!


But anyway. I usually get to writing stuff because I see certain things or hear things that set me off. Of course, today was no exception. I was on the train, headed back downtown from a meeting I had to go to for work, when I overheard two women talking about the 'lame (insert racially charged epithet here)' that they had the 'privilege' to be with. (Sidebar: I am a firm believer in walking away if you've exhausted all efforts. I don't believe in wasting time. Conversely, I am a firm believer in making things work. It sounds strange. I'll elaborate in a different blog.) So they're chatting and Blue Jacket Girl, we'll call her, says to Weird Hair Girl (oh if I only had a picture to accompany this) that she was mad with her lame -----. The dialogue ensues:


Blue Jacket Girl: Yo, I was sooo tight, yo! How you just gon leave me to pay the bill? Like, man up! What kind of man are you??
Weird Hair Girl: (laughs) He wanted you to pay the bill?? Bad enough his ass took you to the Olive Garden instead of Red Lobster like he said he would...cheap ass...
BJG: And he had the nerve to be mad with me, too! Talking bout I always talking like I got all this dough since I got my lil raise or whatever...and then walked out!! Like, he straight walked out!
WHG: (mouth drops open) WHAAATT?? Get out of here!! 
BJG: YES gurl...and then kept rejecting my calls or whatever!! I texted him and told him never to call me again...well, at least, not till tonight...(cackles)
WHG: (cracks up) You are TOO much!! I guess you still gotta get yours at the end of the day, right??
*dual laughter*
After this last line, I have to tell you, I was seconds from staging a KP intervention, or, at least, laughing until the tears streamed down my face. I did neither. I started writing this blog instead. 


First: stop passing yourselves off as real women. You ruin it for those of us who are real women. Ugh. 
Second: Um...neither Olive Garden nor Red Lobster is fine dining. It's good semi quick eats...but it's not fine dining. Sorry. 
Third: I don't know what these two frauds personal situations are, but the truth is, we've been here before. I'm not even going to link the first installment of this piece (I was rambling that day. I said a lot.)  I'm just going to highlight the part that I think is most relevant here: 

"Mutual respect does exist, and I think that is what we, both sexes, should be practicing. I think it is the gentlemanly thing to open the door for their lady. I ALSO think if a gentleman opened his lady's door for her to get into the car, a TRUE independent lady would make sure that the door was open for their man when he made it to the other side! Ladies, real talk, we cannot expect a gentleman to be as such if we don't give sometimes, too. We opted to become more independent as women, so it's a give and take. I can't tell you how many women I've seen CHEWING, and I mean CHEWING, men a new one because he didn't pay the bill or offer to foot the expense on their latest shopping excursion. I don't know about you, but if I say I got it, I'm not expecting anyone to cover it for me. If they do, it's a bonus. We have to learn to live by our words, to say what we mean and mean EXACTLY what we say. I hear some of my girlfriends talk sometimes, and I'm like, "um...if you told him you didn't want anything for your birthday...and he subsequently doesn't get you anything for your birthday...why are you mad?" Enough with the subliminal messages: you get what you ask for. And yes...we can open the door for our men sometimes, or foot the meal sometimes, or give him the foot massage when he gets home. That's all part of being a TRUE independent woman.

Gentlemen: there are times that you could be more in tune with your lady or with ladies in general. Sometimes, a woman likes for a man to be the man, even when she may indicate otherwise. (I know. I know. It's confusing. I'm the first to admit I'm not sure why this is, but it is what it is.) An independent woman sometimes has become independent out of necessity: sometimes, she'd rather not HAVE to do it, even though she claims to 'have it'. Trust me...I know. I'm not saying you have to be a complete ass, but if your woman is always on point with everything, shoe game, clothing, mind and all (I mean her brain and her brain, if you know what I mean), then she deserves that extra special treatment. Not to mention that it's really sexy when a man is the right combination of confident/borderline arrogance and gentlemanly. Again, TRUST ME. I know men that have gotten away with damn near MURDER with that combination. 

I really think it's just a respect thing: I'd like you to open the door for me because you respect me enough to do so, and because it's a nice thing to do. I'd like you to make sure that no random puddle gets me on my walk to the train because you respect me enough as a human being. Conversely, I can show you the same respect, because you deserve it as well. Therefore, I am banning the word 'chivalry' from my vocabulary and replacing it with a phrase: MUTUAL RESPECT."

Game. Set. Match.

Discuss.

Read More

The Love Grind: Are You Ready?

This blog has been a long time coming.

I hate teenyboppers and young adults who run around talking bout, "that's my hubby" or "she's my wifey" like they're married. Some even wear rings. It's really dumb and...

Wait. Sorry. I started rambling. Lemme back track.

I used to be a Facebook addict. I would log on to talk to my friends that I very rarely get to see. FB was, and still is, a venue for me to voice my opinions, frustrations, and triumphs. I haven't been on as much lately...I've had a lot of business stuff going on that has kept me busier than usual. Fast forward to the other day/the reason for this rambling. I was checking my FB page after a two week hiatus, and I ran across a few posts talking about "ily hubby" and "i love my wifey, she brought me lunch today".

*blank stare* Um...did you all get married and not tell me?

They weren't secretly married. They are just another one of the growing population who think that calling someone 'hubby' makes them married, who think that 'wifey' is an adorable term of endearment. PSA, my young ladies and gents: It's not sexy or cute and all you do is downplay yourselves when you do that. I'm a single as it comes, and even I know that being married takes a lot more than calling someone 'hubby' or 'wifey'. So, being who I am, I post my usual 'PSA' to Facebook. 23 comments later, I'm here at this blog.

One of the comments made was that they are "selling themselves short". As with most topics like this, the conversation evolved into something else that I wasn't expecting, which got me back to thinking about this: why don't we grind for love the same way that we grind for our careers, or even our friends? What makes this animal of love so different? Like, for example, I cannot begin to tell you how many people that I know that have been together for YEARS and say things like, "we don't need a piece of paper to be considered married". But um...if you're living together, and you're paying the bills together and you have mutual accounts  and mutual interests...why can't you make it all official? What is it about the word 'marriage' that has people running scared?

I guess that's where this whole love thing comes into play.

But that's where I get even more confused. Think about it, allyuh. When you want to jump start your career, you put out feelers that help you determine what job is best for you, and then you go out to get it. You'll work late hours, you'll seek out all types of resources, be excited about moving up the ladder, start business ventures, all with the premise of making a name for yourself and making money. Many head strong business types, it seems, particularly independent women, when asked if they were single and, if so, why, cite that they don't have time for a relationship, or they aren't willing to take the risk. But why? If you're willing to take the risk on your career, why not on love? Why not grind for love? What is there to be so afraid of in love that there isn't anywhere else?

I remember talking about whether or not I was ready for love. I still don't think I am. I still feel as if I have so much to do within me that to absorb whatever love out there is potentially for me - it's not time yet. But I will not do what I see so many other people do so often, especially my girls (who I still love, but I can't rock out with y'all on this one) I will not shut myself out from the possibility of love if it comes my way. And I will not push it away, either. As hard as I am going for this dream of mine, I am determined to go just as hard for love, whenever it's ready for me. I've been hurt before...really badly. I'm not the only one. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel a little bit lost when I make a huge business deal or win an award and I want to share it and I have to wait until that other person is available to share it. I always said I failed sharing in kindergarten. I want my own person to share my success with. And when they're ready and I'm ready, I'm going for it. That might make me a sucka for love. I don't care. I want to be happy in love all the way around.

This is the second blog in a series about love and relationships and life, well, at least, my life. Discuss. Why do you think we have such problems in love?

Read More

The Happy 101 Award!!!

Hi everyone!!! This is blog post 1 of 2 tonight, and I couldn't be more thrilled to be posting both!!! 

First off. It's been an awesome and amazing week. I got some fantastic news related to my catering business. As SOON as I get everything confirmed, I will be certain to tell you, my lovely blog readers, all about it!! My daughter also received her 5th Student of the Month award for the YEAR (my shorty doo wop's awesome), and I got an award, too!! 

My homegirl Dee from Life in the D Lane (shout out to her across the world, she's in Greece jet-setting right now) gave me the Happy 101 Blog Award!! The Happy 101 Blog Award is an award given to bloggers by other bloggers who think their blog is awesome and well written. Dee's blog is awesome, she has a great following, and she writes SO well (not to mention our JHS alma mater is THE BEST, I.S. 383 stand UP! - yes, I said JHS), so to receive this award from her is an honor. Thanks, Dee!! Besos! 

Now. The deal with this award is three fold. 1. In the next post, you must thank the person who gave you the award. 2. Name the 10 things that make you happy. 3. Pass the award on to 10 bloggers and inform the winners.*

Dee's friend Demetria of Love is Dope, who gave her the award, came up with a little amendment that I'm going to honor here:

"It’s time consuming to put together a list of 10 bloggers and inform them and all that. I’ll say to the folks I am giving this award to that if you can’t do 10 blogs, do five and say something nice to or do something nice for five strangers this week. Let’s spread the cheer online and in real life, folks!"

Okok. So here goes! 

Five things that make me happy:

1. My daughter 

2. My family and friends

3. Cooking and feeding people

4. Helping people

5. Reading and writing

And the five blogs that will be receiving the Happy 101 Blog Award...

1. Farrah Barnes at The Box Chronicles

2. Sidik at Corner Boy Jazz

3. Mika at the life and times of mika matsumoto

4. Trixie at Splendid Serving

5. Brent and Nabeel at Our 2 Cents.

Congrats, all!! *cheeses*

Read More

Dear Twitter: Clear Plastic Bra Straps and Stuff with Substance

I was talking to my 'tweep' The Absentminded Oracle on Twitter earlier today, and she was tweeting about how she saw this young lady in clear plastic bra straps and how she didn't know who's bright idea that was, she could still see them.

Definite cosign.

I mean, really. It's a bra strap. We've already established that whoever's bright idea it was to invent the bra evidently did not take into consideration comfort initially (and contrary to popular belief, women invented bras). Why would you assume that a plastic bra strap would not be seen? Um...I just want people to focus here. And then people just wear them so...brazenly (no pun intended)...as if we don't see the clear piece of plastic now stuck to your shoulder blade. Invest in a good strapless bra. They even make them in my size. What's my size? I'm SOO not telling.

Moving on.

I like to go blog hopping from time to time. I enjoy reading about various different points of view and tomfoolery.  Some of my good friends' blog have me nodding my head in agreement or laughing until tears come out of my eyes. Really and truly. I like to read, period. What I've been noticing as of late is that many great blogs have been going unread, in favor of...well....shoes. (And, for the record, I LOVE shoes. With an undying passion.) Either shoes...or gossip...or just stupid, silly, unimportant things. And I guess some of that is because we are a society that thrives on gossip and being in other people's business. What I can't understand is, why do so many of us claim to want to live positively and be 'drama free', but then follow the drama like bees follow people eating food?

In twitter speak, wheredeydodat@?

I guess what is important to people is relative. Sometimes, people enjoy reading/or looking at drama (read: "train wreck") because it's entertaining. I can honestly say that I do laugh sometimes when I see drama unfold in the streets. But it's usually an uncomfortable laughter...more like "sheesh. some people are just ok with embarassing themselves". I don't know that I'd seek that out for entertainment, though. Or maybe it's just that I'm too serious. *ponders this* No...I don't think that's it. I LOVE laughing. I dunno.

Is there a fashion faux pas that irritates you? What do you find entertaining? When you read something, what about it excites or compels you?

Read More

I'm a (Harmless) Flirt...Most Times

I was all set to put a quote here from R. Kelly's "I'm A Flirt". Was all set to come up with a whole bunch of witty sayings about how as a Sagittarius woman, one of our traits is the desire and need to roam and not be restrained.

Um...I changed my mind. Whaaat? I'm a Sag, sue me.

But I am a flirt. I always have been, it's in my nature. I'm not quite sure where I got it from or where I developed the habit. Sometimes, I flirt, even when I don't necessarily mean to. I'm a big fan of the *wink*. Ask any of my friends, they'll tell you. (Ok, so maybe you, the reader, don't know my friends enough to ask. But if you did/do...feel free.)

Some times...it gets me in trouble.

Other times...like this past week...it gets me in 'trouble'.

Yes, there is a difference between the two troubles.

I'm going to elaborate more on this later. Right now, however, I have some phone flirting to do with a certain driver who we may or may not discuss at a later time. *wink*

What is your most dominant personality trait?

Read More

Long Days and Bunless Nights

This is easily the fourth post I've started to write today. I'm going to finish this one.

I think Robin Thicke said it best: "Stressed out/Uptight/Overworked/Wound up/Unleash/What you got/Let me see your naughty side"...

Except my naughty side is just a figment of my imagination that I read about on clever websites like this one. There is nothing going on over here, at least not in a little while.

It's sooo unhealthy.

People say it's not. That's not true. A healthy sex life is proven to be an important part of a working person's lifestyle. The pheromones released while engaging in intercourse leads to clearer thinking, the calories burned while having sex leads to more exercise than some cardio...yadda yadda yadda. Don't believe me? Read this.

And yet...there is NOTHING going on on this side.

It's not even for lack of prospects. I've had some interesting proposals lately. To be honest, I have someone in mind...they're just inaccessible right now. Sigh. To that end, I started to consider recently the prospect of just having a permanent 'bakery' in my house, where I could get 'buns' all the time. You might call that a relationship. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Well...I'm ready for the buns. Just not the rest of it. I don't think.

At any rate, allyuh, I feel that itch coming. You know the one. It's the one where yuh liming (hanging out) by somebody and yuh gone an' realize  that you are approaching tipsy...the nice tipsy, the one right before you pull out your phone, pull up that number, and proceed to put in your request for the evening.

I need to make a request somewhere. Yeah, I know. There's probably a healthier way to handle this, but whatever. Itches need scratching.

What do you do when you feel that 'itch' coming on? Do you feel that it's healthy for people to engage in casual relations? What is your take on a healthy sex life?

Read More

Happy Mondays, All!! =o)

I woke up in a fantastic mood this morning. 

Nope, I didn't win the lottery.

Yes, I still had to go to work. 

No, I didn't get any or anything like that. 

I woke up in a good mood for two reasons: 1. Because I SLEPT! LOL...Yeah, I know, who'da thunk something so simple would actually work! And because 2. For whatever reason, I just feel like everything is going to work itself out for the better. And I genuinely believe it. 

Right now, everything is in place. Business items are coming together...friends are working it out...lots of opportunities are in the air, being happy, and even work is going well. And sure, there are lots of things in the air that I'm going to have to address in order to continue to feel this sense of contentment. But as it stands right now, I am happy, I am in a good mood, and everything is in place. This pleases me. (It doesn't hurt that someone out there is thinking of me, either. *slow smile*)

So if you see me skip past you this morning...I'm just rubbing some of my good mood off on you. Grab some while it's here and you can! *wink*

What do you do when you find yourself in a good mood? What does it take for you to be in a good mood?

Read More