Team Me: The Trappings of Success?

I love everyone that is on "Team Me".

I love everyone that is on "Team Me" that's here for the right reasons.

Wait...what's "Team Me"?

Ok. If you follow social media trends enough, you'll notice that a popular terminology is "Team" (insert random statement here). So for example, it would be, "Team BlackBerry", "Team iPhone" =o) (<----sorry, I'm an iPhone user), "Team GoHard", etc., etc. Those of you who know me (and we're going to get to that later) know that all these trends make me laugh, so much so that I decided, "hey, I wanna be down, who's with Team Me?!?"

And then I sat down and actually asked myself: Who IS on Team Me?

The people that truly know me know a few things about me: I don't care about your personal situation. What you do with your time is none of my concern unless it directly affects me. Money doesn't and never has interested me enough to make me befriend someone. The differences between the people I call my 'friend' is such a drastic difference that one would be hard pressed to even be able to find more than two commonalities between them (one being that they're friends with me, the other that they are smart asses - like me). Yes, I've always wanted to fit in...but that was growing up. At 28 years old, I am more than content in the person that I am - a rarity in a sea of common people. I still find, however, that I have more than a few "friends" - the ones that are my friend because my business sense is always tingling like Spiderman. Or because they love my cooking and want me to show them a few tricks. Perhaps we're friends because...well, you know the phrase..."friends close, enemies closer"? It's always an interesting sight to see.

I don't have friends that I'm friends with for separate reasons. I don't have Facebook friends versus real friends. If I call you 'friend', then it is that simple. You are my friend. I have people, granted, that I am significantly closer to than others. I have people that I can count on one hand that know almost everything about me...and with the exception of one person, that list hasn't changed since 1996...but overall, if I call you my friend, it is because you are just that - my friend. And you are my friend because I like you and I like hanging out with you. Simple.

So now. Back to "Team Me". It's a great thing if you believe in my business and what I'm trying to accomplish. I love it if you enjoy what I write and what I make. I have no problem being that go to person to get a resume done, or to get a recommendation from. But hear this: if you are on my team because you think that being on my team will get you credibility or prestige, or get you further in your endeavors, know this - I work smart and I work hard. I didn't get this far by being stupid. Your 'stylo' (<---remember that early 90's word? Ha!) is pretty transparent and believe me, I caught on long ago. I'm just waiting for you to weed yourself out. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Do you have friends and 'friends'? How do you determine who is different from who? Do you find that people on the rise tend to have more friends than others? Why do you think that is? Grab your morning cup of hot steamy stuff and chat wid meh fuh a spell...

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The Dangerous 28 (Self Analysis #3 of...or is it 4?)

*toys with loc* So I'm 28.

*pensive frown*

Ok, so to those of you who are wondering what the big deal is, I'm 28 years old. To me, 28 is the milestone year, not 25 and certainly not 30. Why is that? I say that because usually, 28 is the year that most people start to...well, panic. Panic in the sense that they are 2 years away from 30 and they have to make sure that they are on the right track before they turn 30.

Because you know...life as we know it ends at 30. Didn't you know that? Aren't you glad you're reading this so that I have you on put on status? (extreme sarcasm)

Well anyway. I am starting to reach that point where I find myself wondering if I am doing everything that I need to be doing. I know. I know. It seems nuts. I'm always the one telling everyone else not to pigeonhole themselves into a timeline...not to worry about who thinks it's a shame that you're not married , or where your heart may lay, or even the little growing pains that may come your way. After my girlfriend that I haven't spoken to in a while died recently, I started thinking about what I was doing at 28 more than ever. We were the same age. Stuff like this, unfortunately, always gets you to thinking.(Then again, I'm always thinking.)

Am I doing what I need to be doing? What do I need to be doing? I mean, I think I'm doing pretty well...business is growing, my daughter is getting bigger and smarter, things are pretty good with my friends and my family, things are going well. What am I missing? Am I missing something?

To shift gears for a moment, I was reading another of my favorite bloggers, Belle Woods of A Belle in Brooklyn. She was talking about embracing your sexuality by not being afraid to show your sexual side. In my latest self-analysis (this is #4, I checked), I went back and thought about my nature and being a flirt. It's funny, but I always wondered how true it was that a woman who exudes sexuality gets it in return. Lately, I've been feeling as if the concept of me being in a long term relationship is...I don't know...limited. I tend to embrace my sexuality...but at the same time, society says that a woman who does so is labeled a freak "empowered". And the "empowered" woman gets the man - or men - but never the commitment. (At least, it doesn't appear so to me.) Then I wonder is it because men like mystery more than empowerment. Hmm. 

Then I look back at all that I've accomplished, all that I've done and do, and I wonder to myself, why is it that I don't focus on my accomplishments? Why is it that many of my blogs are about relationships and sex and the like? And moreover, if I embrace my sexuality, and I don't care what people think, then why is this on my mind? What the hell happened to introspective KP, that ranted about politics and books and the like?

You see what kinds of absurd thoughts 28 brings to the table?

I think that in my process of opening up about me, I've become this relationship-obsessed person that I am not a fan of. I will be falling back. Intellectual KP is set to make a reappearance. But in the meantime...

Tell me your thoughts. How do you feel about milestone birthdays? Do you think that there is something to be said about how milestone birthdays affect your thinking?

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The Pain of Loss - An Ode to a Friend

I got a phone call yesterday. I got a phone call yesterday that said that one of my closest friends had passed away. I got that call yesterday...and I haven't been the same since.

Allyuh should know by now how I feel about reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. My friend that passed away was someone that I always believe came into my life for a reason - in part, to show me a confidence that I did not know, in her own strange way. We grew apart over the past two years, mainly because, in my opinion, our season was over and we tried desperately to extend it past what it needed to be. All of our times were not good - we argued more than a little bit - but there were many good times, many unintentionally hilarious, tears falling out of our eyes till we literally peed on ourselves, side aching moments. We weren't always honest with each other - I became better at this, her not so much - but we were honest in the love and affection that we had for each other. I felt a pang when I stopped speaking to her. I felt as if I didn't do enough as a friend to try to get her to a better place. But I realized (at the time, anyway) that the only way that she would get to a better her is if I left her alone. Sometimes, you can only do but so much. From what I've heard, she was able to be a better her - working a great full time job, her own place, etc etc.

Hearing that news yesterday made me question my decision all over again. Though I don't usually regret anything, I do regret not telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, even though the dynamics of our relationship had changed. I wish I could show her the person I am now: confident, poised, successful - the person that I feel that she always wanted me to be, even though I don't think she knew how to express that effectively at the time. A part of me wishes that the stubborn person in me would have picked up the phone and called her, just to say hello. But such is the way that life works...you never know what you've got till it's gone.

So to my girl - We had the best of times. We had the worst of times. We had times (and shiny planes) that I will never forget. Thank you for helping me be my best me, in your own way. Wish I could tell you this in person. I tip my glass of SoCo and Lime to you. I hope your soul is at peace.

Make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them.

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The Trust Game (Self-Analysis #3 of...)

I trust people too easily.

After all this time, after close to 30 years of being on this Earth, of being betrayed and tricked and used by enough people to know better...I still trust too easily.

Ok, wait. That's not necessarily true. Lemme backtrack for a second.

Growing up, all I ever wanted to do was fit in. I would always make friends easily enough...I was told I was engaging, charming, and witty/funny/smart. (No cockiness, either. Just what I was told.) After a while, though, one of two things would happen: either I would become close with someone and our relationship would stand the test of time, or I would become very close with the person until I saw that they weren't meeting my expectations of what I think a friend should be, and I would eventually cut them off.

Fast forward to present day: I have my circle of people that I consider my ride or dies. It's a pretty concrete circle...for now. Every now and again, a newcomer makes their way into the inner sanctum of my life and impresses me enough that I allow them access to me. This, for people who know me, is no small feat. The problem then comes when after a short period of time that I realize that this person was here for a season and that their season is done and that it is time for them to go. My issue with this is that I feel like I've been meeting a lot of seasons lately, and, as allyuh may very well know by now, whenever some action repeats itself, I take a step back and examine why it is that it keeps happening to me so that I can prevent it from happening again. Growing pains and all that.

One thing that I know for sure is that I have this sense of trust that comes from meeting people that seem to be on Team Me. I tend to become elated and instantly close with people who give off a positive energy and appear to support me and my endeavors, and genuinely seem to care about me. It is after a short period of time that I start to examine their actual motives...and I wish that I could catch on sooner, so that I could avoid them having so much access to me. It's weird, because this is a unisex problem of mine - guys and girls.

It amazes me that I still have this desire, this need, to fit in. Not nearly as much as before - the switch in me doesn't really allow me to succumb to this need as much anymore - but every now and again I realize that this need still exists somewhat. So interesting, to me. As it stands, I am working on keeping my circle the same size - no more, no less. And those who keep using me as an option - they know who they are, they just don't realize that I know this - will soon find themselves outside the circle. The beauty of gaining infinite amounts of self-confidence is that it supports me where I lack in playing the right moves in this trust game.

Do you find yourself trusting or opening up easily? What is your take on it? Discuss and ponder...

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