Back to Basics: A Huge Ramble

...::hard sigh::...

I don't have any song quotes today, or cheerfully sarcastic remarks with which to start today's blog off with. This is all coming directly from the heart, so if I spell something wrong or fail to make sense at some point, forgive me. I'm writing, not thinking as I go along.

So today I woke up, shit on my mind and on my heart. Everything appears to be going well with my business, you know, meeting the right people, making the right connections, blah blah blah. A good friend of mine told me once, "you can meet all of the people in the blasted world, it don't mek a fuck of difference if it don't translate into dollar signs".

Sorry, I should have warned y'all about today's language, too.

So it is day 2 of me deciding to do this full time, and the only thing I want to do is go back to my job and go back to security. I'm not a big risk taker. Never have been. When I decided to resign and do my business full time, I had stars in front of my eyes. Now I realize that the stars in front of my eyes was reality smacking the shit out of me to try to get me to see that this was not a good idea.

What makes this rougher is that I cannot begin to tell you just how many people have come to me and said to me how proud of me they are. How brave I am. Yeah fucking right. This was stupid. And it's a lot of pressure...I can't tell you how many people have told me they look up to me. Why me? Don't look up to me, please. I'm an ordinary woman just trying to make it. And yes, to those who don't seem to believe me when I say this, I do feel insecure and scared and I don't always have it together and I damn sure don't always know what I'm doing and I cry and worry and sulk just like any other human being. I'm not perfect. I don't ever claim to be, either.

Other things annoying me today - what's with the subliminal social media messages, people? Have I not said before how much I hate that shit? Please please please tell me if you have a problem with me or what I do. Cause I for damn sure will tell you if I have a problem with you. Because if you think unfollowing me or deleting me is your answer, think again. You might be surprised to find that I care even less than you think. And no, I'm not talking about someone in particular. I've seen a few people do it lately. It's so lame. The KP of three years ago would probably have sent the offenders an email or a text on some, "yo, WTF?" This KP? Ehh. *shrugs* I just rather you tell me what's on your mind. Stop tweeting/writing/murmuring about it. And I assure you, this is only bothering me right now because I'm annoyed in general.

So I met this really awesome guy and now I like him, which I hate. Mainly because I know how I get when I like someone. I'm a go out on a limb, though, and see where this goes. We'll see. It ain't like other folks are gonna come back and start giving a damn anytime soon. Not to mention that the guy I met is a really nice guy. Maybe a nice guy's what I need, for a change. I'll just go with the flow and see what happens.

My back is killing me for all the wrong reasons...

URGH...I need MONEY...

I'm just tired and annoyed today. I have a lot of work to do and I have plenty to figure out. Lemme stop ranting and rambling and get to figuring out instead.

Thanks for listening reading.

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What About Your Friends?

"What about your friends/Will they stand their ground/Will they let you down/Yeah-eh/What about your friends/Are they gonna be lowdown/Will they ever be around/Or will they turn their backs on you?"

- TLC, "What About Your Friends"

So I know we've been here before. I tend to talk about my circle of friends quite a bit because your friends tend to be a huge portion of your life, next to your family. By now, you should know that I have my core group, and then I have the random insert that may or may not fall into my permanent circle, depending on the way the chips fall. It's all about that trust game for me.

I've been talking with friends, both old and new, about...well, friendship. Everyone's definition of friendship seems to differ, as I've found over the years. Some people seem to think that there is a certain boundary that should never be crossed with regards to friends. I tend to agree. The question then becomes, what is that boundary? When do you tell a friend that they are, in essence, effing up and need to get over themselves? Perhaps it's time for KP's definition of friends and what they should and should NOT do...so here goes...

KP's Top Ten List of What A Friend Should Do:

10. Friends don't let friends dial drunk. LOL. We've all been here before...you get tipsy, you pick up the phone, you hit up that person that scratches that itch reallll good. But chances are, you don't have no biz-ness calling that person. My friends will take the phone away from me - mid text/call. And I will do the same.

9. Friends don't blow each other up on Facebook. Never do I ever want to log on to my Facebook page and see your beef with me tagged on Facebook. Our beef should NEVER be a status. I'm as big of a Facebook addict as the next social media inclined person. But you'd better believe this: if I have an issue about you or with you, you will hear it from me first. It will never appear on Facebook. Some shit stuff should be kept private.

8. Friends agree sometimes. They also disagree...sometimes. If you know me, then you know that I am quick to play the devil's advocate. This does not ever mean that I love you any less...unless I tell yuh so...in which case, yuh should get worried. LOL. I don't always agree with my friends...I may even take a day or two to back up and breathe from it all. But rest assured...if you're my homeskilletbiscuit, then we ride till the wheels fall off.

7. Friends' exes are OFF LIMITS. Do I actually have to explain? Not really. But there was a time, when I was significantly younger, that this rule was played around with, limits stretched, etc. And granted, the people that I am referring to have forgave and been forgiven, eliminated or dealt with, etc. So there's no need to rehash the past that was waaayyyyyyy long ago. But within that lesson comes the rule above. And it's a good one...established for a reason.

6. Friends don't tell friends who they can be friends with. Sounds absurd...right? It's not. I've had quite a few situations where a 'friend' will become upset with me because I befriended someone else that they don't like. Ok, let's examine this for a minute. a. What does your beef with said person have to do with me? b. How do you get to tell me who I can and can't be friends with? Um...WORD???!? The reality of things are this: when you're moving up in the world, as an entrepreneur or otherwise, you find yourself running in the same circles with many of the same people. It's inevitable. What is also inevitable is that some of these same people may not like each other. However...each individual relationship is different and unique for a reason. If you as a person have a problem with someone else, that is for you and that other person to work out. Never should it involve your friend. You should be able to be adult enough to recognize that some relationships exist outside the scope of the friendship that you have with someone else. Never should you make a friend of yours feel bad for befriending someone else. Nor will I ever ask you to stop being friends with someone that I no longer like. (This might be a separate post in and of itself...) If I do ever ask you to, I expect you to call me on it. Which leads me to the next 'guideline'...

5. Friends should be able to tell friends about themselves. If I step out of line...or get out of pocket...I expect you to tell me about myself. Conversely, expect to be told about yourself if you do the same...whether I think you are going to like what I have to say, or not. As a friend, if we don't have that level of honesty with each other, what do we have? Sure, I might not like what you have to say...but I'll eat it, if it's good for me. Which leads to the converse...

4. Friends should not put other friends down. There is a difference between telling your friend something for their own good, and telling them something with the intent of being malicious. And it really doesn't matter the reason for the maliciousness...it could be due to personal insecurities, jealousy, discord, misery, whatever. I don't care. If you have nothing nice to say to your friend...perhaps you should reconsider why they are your friend.

3. Friends should never have to constantly question a friendship. It's real simple, and I've learned this from many experiences over the past two years...if you have to wonder more than once why a person is your friend, they are not your friend.

2. Friends should love their friends as they are. The gamut of the friends in my circle? Motley. Crew. Seriously. From the African inspired to the bug out girl, from the nerd to the Republican, the culinarily inclined to the kindred writer spirit, all of my friends have a place in my life for a reason...and I never ask them to change who they are. Who they are is a part of who I am...that is why they are my friend. They tap into certain aspects of me. Never ask a friend to change.

And the #1 guideline on my list for friendship (steel pan roll, please...lol)

1.Friends don't compete with friends. The only thing I do with my friends when it comes to business is support them. Period. And that support could be in any number of ways: financially, silent partnership, moral, etc. But I NEVER compete with them. Friends should uplift. They should ease stresses about business with good times, laughter, and sound advice. Never should I ever have to wonder if our friendship is driven by a need to compete with me. Just the thought infuriates me. So if you ever doubt that our friendship is genuine, you might as well take a cue from #s 3 and 5 on that list and tell me off, then bounce. In whichever order. Because I don't compete with my friends.

Do you have guidelines for the friendships you keep? If so, what are they? What do you think constitutes a friend?

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Whatever KP wants...aka The Cool Princess

"Whatever Lola wants (Lola wants)/Lola gets (Lola gets)/and little man/little Lola...wants you..."
Sarah Vaughn, "Whatever Lola Wants"

I'm not supposed to be talking about relationships. Believe me, after this blog, there is a "State of the West Indies" blog coming up real soon so...but in the interim...

I was talking to one of my Dashing Divas about, well, relationships. Sigh. (I know. I know. I said I wasn't talking about relationships anymore. It's a 28 thing. My DD went on a bit of a rant when I expressed some of my feelings about being 'the cool girl'. She said so much, I had to quote her a little bit. One of the things she said that particularly stuck out in my mind was:

               "Every woman needs to be courted...you need that one night where you get your hair done, you put on your pretty dress, and you go out and you enjoy yourself and you get dropped off before

10 because he thinks you're a lady...when you don' t get a guy to court you, you as a woman will 

never get what you want..."

We talked for a while about a variety of things related to courting. She pointed out that many times, a woman who looks to be courted, to receive gifts, to be treated like the princess that they deserve to be treated like, winds up getting the man, and the girl who is the cool one, who will watch the game and chill until the wee hours of the morning and the like are usually the ones wondering why they didn't get the man. In her words, "F*ck that independent women sh*t". As usual, it gave me something to think about. 

Why can't there be a balance between the cool chick and the princess? Is there not a way to be the woman that is given flowers or their favorite book just because and still be the woman that can go to the Finals game or play dodge ball because she feels like it? I sat back for a second and genuinely thought about the last time someone got me something just because. I remember getting Edible Arrangements on Valentine's Day last year out of the blue, but it was an apology of sorts. It was weird. That is a story in and of itself. Believe me, it doesn't count. Why is there such power in over the top aloofness versus genuine 'chillness'?

Discuss...ponder...post allyuh thoughts, nuh...

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Spl/it Persona?

"Tell me what do they see/when they look at me/Do they see my many/personalities..."
- Split Personality, Pink

Do I have a split personality? A split persona?

I was talking with a good friend of mine over the weekend, and we got to chatting about the difference between our public and our private persona. I was pointing out that when you are in the public eye, particularly if you make your name your brand, there is a certain limitation that you naturally put on your personality - your 'public' persona. When you are dealing with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of people on a regular basis, you find yourself giving one portion of you - be it so that you aren't taken advantage of, or maybe it's because you are trying to maintain a certain image. She nodded in agreement...and then pointed out that I have done the same.

Wait...what?

I am a mommy first and a business woman second. But I am always KP. I'm bubbly and a smart ass sarcastic. I am honest, upfront, and driven. I love to dance and wuk up meh waist. I am kind and giving of myself and my time to the people that care about me. Are all of those things no longer apparent to the public eye? I don't ever want to stop being me because my star is on the rise...wait, do I actually care what other people's opinions are now?

Sigh...you mean, I have to care now? Really? Aw, just hell.

My best friend/GGG (good good girlfriend)/homeskilletbiscuit pointed out to me that as open and honest as I tend to be, as candid as I am many times, the fact remains that because of what I am doing with my brand, the people that are paying attention to what I am saying now has grown. The interest in what I am saying has grown. (I haven't bought into this theory yet. But I listened.) As a result, I must adjust (not change) the way that I handle certain encounters...the way I say certain things...and, most definitely, who I say certain things to.

Sigh. Allyuh, I jes wanna cook up meh likkle food fuh de people dem! (I just want to cook. Really and truly.) Ok, so I want to be a household name, too. Well...I want my BRAND to be a household name. I truly believe that what I have to offer can and will put the Caribbean that I have come to know and love on the map. But...the moves that I have been making seem to have me at a crossroads...how can I continue to be me, let me shine through, and still maintain a professional, poised person with a plan? (I didn't mean to use all those p's in one sentence. Honest.)

So here is my question to you, fellow entrepreneurs, movers, shakers, et al...when you created your brand, when you started really making moves, especially those of you who are using your name as your brand, how did you balance your personality and your 'persona'?

Chat up wid meh one time...

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Team Me: The Trappings of Success?

I love everyone that is on "Team Me".

I love everyone that is on "Team Me" that's here for the right reasons.

Wait...what's "Team Me"?

Ok. If you follow social media trends enough, you'll notice that a popular terminology is "Team" (insert random statement here). So for example, it would be, "Team BlackBerry", "Team iPhone" =o) (<----sorry, I'm an iPhone user), "Team GoHard", etc., etc. Those of you who know me (and we're going to get to that later) know that all these trends make me laugh, so much so that I decided, "hey, I wanna be down, who's with Team Me?!?"

And then I sat down and actually asked myself: Who IS on Team Me?

The people that truly know me know a few things about me: I don't care about your personal situation. What you do with your time is none of my concern unless it directly affects me. Money doesn't and never has interested me enough to make me befriend someone. The differences between the people I call my 'friend' is such a drastic difference that one would be hard pressed to even be able to find more than two commonalities between them (one being that they're friends with me, the other that they are smart asses - like me). Yes, I've always wanted to fit in...but that was growing up. At 28 years old, I am more than content in the person that I am - a rarity in a sea of common people. I still find, however, that I have more than a few "friends" - the ones that are my friend because my business sense is always tingling like Spiderman. Or because they love my cooking and want me to show them a few tricks. Perhaps we're friends because...well, you know the phrase..."friends close, enemies closer"? It's always an interesting sight to see.

I don't have friends that I'm friends with for separate reasons. I don't have Facebook friends versus real friends. If I call you 'friend', then it is that simple. You are my friend. I have people, granted, that I am significantly closer to than others. I have people that I can count on one hand that know almost everything about me...and with the exception of one person, that list hasn't changed since 1996...but overall, if I call you my friend, it is because you are just that - my friend. And you are my friend because I like you and I like hanging out with you. Simple.

So now. Back to "Team Me". It's a great thing if you believe in my business and what I'm trying to accomplish. I love it if you enjoy what I write and what I make. I have no problem being that go to person to get a resume done, or to get a recommendation from. But hear this: if you are on my team because you think that being on my team will get you credibility or prestige, or get you further in your endeavors, know this - I work smart and I work hard. I didn't get this far by being stupid. Your 'stylo' (<---remember that early 90's word? Ha!) is pretty transparent and believe me, I caught on long ago. I'm just waiting for you to weed yourself out. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Do you have friends and 'friends'? How do you determine who is different from who? Do you find that people on the rise tend to have more friends than others? Why do you think that is? Grab your morning cup of hot steamy stuff and chat wid meh fuh a spell...

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The Dangerous 28 (Self Analysis #3 of...or is it 4?)

*toys with loc* So I'm 28.

*pensive frown*

Ok, so to those of you who are wondering what the big deal is, I'm 28 years old. To me, 28 is the milestone year, not 25 and certainly not 30. Why is that? I say that because usually, 28 is the year that most people start to...well, panic. Panic in the sense that they are 2 years away from 30 and they have to make sure that they are on the right track before they turn 30.

Because you know...life as we know it ends at 30. Didn't you know that? Aren't you glad you're reading this so that I have you on put on status? (extreme sarcasm)

Well anyway. I am starting to reach that point where I find myself wondering if I am doing everything that I need to be doing. I know. I know. It seems nuts. I'm always the one telling everyone else not to pigeonhole themselves into a timeline...not to worry about who thinks it's a shame that you're not married , or where your heart may lay, or even the little growing pains that may come your way. After my girlfriend that I haven't spoken to in a while died recently, I started thinking about what I was doing at 28 more than ever. We were the same age. Stuff like this, unfortunately, always gets you to thinking.(Then again, I'm always thinking.)

Am I doing what I need to be doing? What do I need to be doing? I mean, I think I'm doing pretty well...business is growing, my daughter is getting bigger and smarter, things are pretty good with my friends and my family, things are going well. What am I missing? Am I missing something?

To shift gears for a moment, I was reading another of my favorite bloggers, Belle Woods of A Belle in Brooklyn. She was talking about embracing your sexuality by not being afraid to show your sexual side. In my latest self-analysis (this is #4, I checked), I went back and thought about my nature and being a flirt. It's funny, but I always wondered how true it was that a woman who exudes sexuality gets it in return. Lately, I've been feeling as if the concept of me being in a long term relationship is...I don't know...limited. I tend to embrace my sexuality...but at the same time, society says that a woman who does so is labeled a freak "empowered". And the "empowered" woman gets the man - or men - but never the commitment. (At least, it doesn't appear so to me.) Then I wonder is it because men like mystery more than empowerment. Hmm. 

Then I look back at all that I've accomplished, all that I've done and do, and I wonder to myself, why is it that I don't focus on my accomplishments? Why is it that many of my blogs are about relationships and sex and the like? And moreover, if I embrace my sexuality, and I don't care what people think, then why is this on my mind? What the hell happened to introspective KP, that ranted about politics and books and the like?

You see what kinds of absurd thoughts 28 brings to the table?

I think that in my process of opening up about me, I've become this relationship-obsessed person that I am not a fan of. I will be falling back. Intellectual KP is set to make a reappearance. But in the meantime...

Tell me your thoughts. How do you feel about milestone birthdays? Do you think that there is something to be said about how milestone birthdays affect your thinking?

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The Pain of Loss - An Ode to a Friend

I got a phone call yesterday. I got a phone call yesterday that said that one of my closest friends had passed away. I got that call yesterday...and I haven't been the same since.

Allyuh should know by now how I feel about reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. My friend that passed away was someone that I always believe came into my life for a reason - in part, to show me a confidence that I did not know, in her own strange way. We grew apart over the past two years, mainly because, in my opinion, our season was over and we tried desperately to extend it past what it needed to be. All of our times were not good - we argued more than a little bit - but there were many good times, many unintentionally hilarious, tears falling out of our eyes till we literally peed on ourselves, side aching moments. We weren't always honest with each other - I became better at this, her not so much - but we were honest in the love and affection that we had for each other. I felt a pang when I stopped speaking to her. I felt as if I didn't do enough as a friend to try to get her to a better place. But I realized (at the time, anyway) that the only way that she would get to a better her is if I left her alone. Sometimes, you can only do but so much. From what I've heard, she was able to be a better her - working a great full time job, her own place, etc etc.

Hearing that news yesterday made me question my decision all over again. Though I don't usually regret anything, I do regret not telling her how much I loved her and cared about her, even though the dynamics of our relationship had changed. I wish I could show her the person I am now: confident, poised, successful - the person that I feel that she always wanted me to be, even though I don't think she knew how to express that effectively at the time. A part of me wishes that the stubborn person in me would have picked up the phone and called her, just to say hello. But such is the way that life works...you never know what you've got till it's gone.

So to my girl - We had the best of times. We had the worst of times. We had times (and shiny planes) that I will never forget. Thank you for helping me be my best me, in your own way. Wish I could tell you this in person. I tip my glass of SoCo and Lime to you. I hope your soul is at peace.

Make sure you tell your loved ones that you love them.

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