Time Management and People Who Have None

Time Management and People Who Have None

I am a busy woman. Always have been. And, like most people, I have
very limited time on my hands. Therefore, when I have free time, I
cherish it. So when someone cannot balance their schedule and I am
forced to frivolously waste my time...I become a bit irate.

Why is it so difficult for people to a. Manage their time effectively,
and b. Respect other people's time enough to let others know when they
can or can't do something? It is something that rather infuriates me.
I know thy things come up from time to time, but come ON! In this age
of technology, a simple text message will suffice...IN ADVANCE. That
way, I can replan whatever it is I need to replan. Urggh!!

I need to go whoosah and find something else constructive to do so
that I can calm down. Until then...

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

Read More

Pride is my Deadly Sin...What's Yours?

What’s your deadly sin?

Mine is pride.

I know, I know. How wack is that? I was talking to my ride or die about my pride and how difficult of a time I have asking for help. As with most things that run through my mind, I have a tendency to want to go and look up the things that I’m thinking about, in my quest for useless yet endless knowledge. The Catholic Church’s assessment of the Cardinal Sin of pride “is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God)”.

I don’t have any desire to be more important or attractive than others, purely from an aesthetic standpoint. I am, however, a perfectionist. I know this about myself. I also know that when I want something, and it’s important to me…I pursue it until either I get what I want or something else piques my interest. With that, I know that because I like to perfect what I put my hands on, if I half ass something, it bothers me until I fix it. Otherwise, it continues to nag at me. I guess that could be considered pride.

The other thing I have issues with is asking for help or assistance. Because of this whole perfectionist complex thing I got going, I have a hard time asking for help with a lot of things because 1. I feel like I can fix it myself if I think about it long enough, 2. I hate inconveniencing anyone, especially when I can figure it out on my own, and 3. Depending on what I need help with, if it doesn’t come out how I want it to come out, I end up doing it over anyway. So I guess that is a pride issue, now that I think about it.

I know that no one man is an island. I am learning that sometimes, my way is not the best way. I am gradually learning how better to handle that. I am also gradually learning that if I don’t know how to fix it within a specified period of time, it’s best to let someone else handle it. Sometimes, it’s OK to let someone with more experience do it, big or small. That way, I can focus my attention on something else more important that my particular skill set is needed for.

I think the other part of it is, when you ask for help, there’s always the chance that someone will use it as leverage over you in the future. I think that is the part that stops me from asking the most, or, even better, when assistance is offered, why I don’t take it. If you’re offering to help, it should be because you genuinely want to help…not because you are looking to have something to hold over someone later on. If you’re not helping out of the goodness of your heart, then keep it. I don’t want it.


So like I asked in the beginning…what’s your deadly sin? And why?

Read More

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Put Them in Scotch!

Vintage blogging as it's finest! I wrote this a month or two ago and posted it to my Facebook account. It's still relevant, so enjoy...


So here I am...this is me, who I am. I am a people person who does NOT like people. People are unreliable. They have flaws...which is fine, because so do I, but the fact of the matter is that people depend on you do to certain things. They look to you when you're talented and when you have a lot going for you and when you seem friendly and giving, that is when you get taken advantage of.

I like scotch. Scotch has a nutty velvety texture that never changes, it only evolves. It has classes of flavors and nuances of texture. Add a lemon and it's the perfect drink - neat or on the rocks. People douse their fears, inhibitions, and problems in a glass of scotch...or whatever their preferred liver ruining beverage is. Scotch, unlike people, is reliable. You know exactly what to expect when you sip it.

Okok. So now that the metaphorical phrasing is over and out the way, let's talk about my 'lemons'. The problem that I have with people is that they have expectations of me because I care. And I know that ideally, I can only allow what I allow. But let's be real. When you are a giving person, who wants to make sure that the people you care about are ok, people tend to take that for granted. But then, when you assess and you realize that there's a whole "kindness for weakness" thing happening, and you take two steps back, then all of a sudden, everyone comes running. It's a wonder I'm not manic.

It's part of the reason that I write to vent off. The people that know me really well know that I hate, hate, HATE getting emotional about shit because I absolutely hate feeling vulnerable. I don't really know anyone that likes feeling vulnerable, but I particularly don't like it. And those that are like, "oh, but you're so social! you seem like such a people person!" don't really know me or get it. I'm simple yet complex. It's a hard concept to explain.

Every time I find myself in the midst of lemons, I throw them into my scotch. I don't like making lemonade. Lemonade is sweet and tends to blur the realities of the situation. If I put the lemons into scotch, the true flavor is there, unfettered, ready for me to handle. I like being able to do things hands on and handle whatever the situation is. Hence, lemons in my scotch.

There's so much I want to say that I haven't quite figured out how to put into words. But right now, my biggest obstacle is working on this vulnerable shit I got going on. I don't like it, and it has to go. I have other things to be worried about. Vulnerable? Taken advantage of? Not going to happen.

Read More

Success vs. Romance

Success is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence”. For most people, acquiring success comes through a career oriented goal, be it a job, the beginning of a business, the expansion of capital, or some combination thereof. Seemingly at the opposite end of the spectrum is romance. Most people look for someone to compliment and/or complete them. The question then seems to be, what's more important, being successful alone or being happy with someone? And is it actually that simple?

I came up with the question because so often, I hear about my single and successful ladies out there, saying that they want to concentrate on their careers first before getting themselves in a relationship, almost as if to imply that you can't be in a relationship and be successful at the same time. As if the two can't co-exist. I heard it so much in particular this week that it prompted me to ask my FB people. Here are some of the responses I got:

“So, here's the thing about your question. You use sucessful and happy in two different sentences, so my question is whether they are mutually exclusive. If you are successful alone, are you automatically happy, or do you want that special someone to share it with? Does being happy with someone preclude being successful?
The important thing is being comfortable with the choices you're making and being willing to change and grow. I'll also add that I believe that most of the time, happiness is a choice we make”

“Why can't one be successful AND happy with someone?

If you have to forfeit your success to be "happy with someone", the truth of the matter is that you'll never be truly happy.

The key in life is to find a person who pegs your success as important to them as it is to you and vice versa. That is where the struggle comes in. Finding that person who holds u and ur upward mobility in every realm in the same light as their own.

Success and happiness are in the eyes of the beholder. You define them. So before you think about which is more important, you first have to think about what your personal definitions of these states are and understand why they cannot co-exist.”
“If you can't find ways to be happy being alone, having that person isn't going to change much, honestly. And I think it's perfectly possible to find someone to share your success with. That doesn't take away from the 'youness' of what you've accomplished.”

“If you are with someone that you genuinely love but the two of you all are broke how does that help either one of you? That frustration will eventually lead to massive fighting and bickering and finger pointing and then what???..The Breakup. Whereas if you are successful you can pick and choose who to be bothered with or have around you at any given time. Success allow you the option to pick and choose. Most times being alone is more peaceful than anything.”

Here is my take on the whole thing. To me, success is a relative thing, and romance/relationships are a relative thing. Both things are completely contingent on the person's current state of mind. If you are currently concentrating on, for example, starting a business, and you can't think of anything else but starting a business, you are the type that focuses on one thing at a time. This is not to say, however, that you can't also be in a relationship. I think a lot of people use the career first option as a cop out, a means to avoid utilizing the feelings and emotions that come with being in love or loved.

If you are with someone you genuinely love, it surpasses all the drama because you are actively going to make a concerted effort to figure out what you need to do. If the frustration of not having any money gets to you to the point that the two of you cannot function cohesively, perhaps you should reconsider whether or not the two of you are as in ... love as you think you are, in general, that is.

I always have more to say...but anymore thoughts on this?

Read More

The Crush vs. Being in Like

I was thinking earlier on today about how I felt about guys that I have encountered romantically and whether it could be considered a crush or being in like. I know that even recently, mention someone's name and I might be reduced to blushing and all sorts of unlike KP stuff. In addition, some of my students of late have been coming to me, seeking out advice on their latest "crushes". So, I decided to throw out an FB (Facebook) status with my thought provoking question of the day: What's the difference between a crush and liking someone? Here are some of the responses (no names, just quotes):

"You can like someone platonically, but a crush is always about attraction. This is not to say you can't be attracted to someone you like, though. But the crush burns hot and fast and will either disappear completely or settle into genuine sentiment."

"when u like someone its a cool easy breezy feeling. it makes u smile.when u crush on somone its like a warm feeling. makes u giggle n yearn for more."

"Liking someone can mean that an interaction is possible. Crushing means that your feelings could be pure fantastic..."


So then, my question becomes: how do you know when the crush has faded and you know that you really like that person? Is it when you still want to be around that person when that ba-boom ba-boom sound that your heart makes around them stops but you still really like them? Can you still blush when you see them and no longer be crushing on them? Thoughts please...

Read More

Being Not Afraid and the Death of E.Lynn

Let me start with E. Lynn. According to AP reports via his publicist, E. Lynn Harris, New York Times best-selling author of African American fiction such as "Invisible Life" and "If This World Were Mine", passed away on July 23 at the age of 54 due to a heart attack. It also alluded to additional health problems that caused him to rapidly deteriorate recently.

This is actually the first I am hearing of E. Lynn being sick. If you don't know the significance of E. Lynn Harris to the literary world, he is credited with bringing many of the DL behaviors and gay community information to the forefront in his books, paving the way for similarly themed African American authors such as James Earl Hardy. His first book, "Invisible Life", was self published at first; he had a hard time getting a publishing house to pick it up due to the 'content', however, one of the managers in the bookstores he would push to pick up his books directed him toward an Anchor Books agent, and the rest is literary history. For him to have passed away, particularly with the LGBT movement happening right now, is sad to say the least. Already the vultures have begun to circle: did E. Lynn have AIDS? Is that why he died? Really, now? Sigh...and I thought this was 2009. SMH.

I was originally going to say a little bit about some people who have book homophobia, but I wanted to take a moment to discuss some of the epiphanies that I have been having lately about being scared and getting over it. I mean, look at E. Lynn Harris' death. He was 54. I'm sure he didn't wake up 2 days ago with the intent of dying. Most don't. So when I think about all the things that in my lifetime that I have left unsaid...I wonder what the harm would be in saying them.

As of late, I find myself overpondering lots of things, but more importantly, I wonder about why I have such a difficult time expressing my emotions when it comes to certain things. I know there's my switch and I know that a large portion of it is a defense mechanism of mine that stops me from getting too deep in. It might not be healthy but it's been working for me so far...I think. Lately, I've been wondering if it might be time to let that defense mechanism go. Maybe it's doing me more harm than good.

I think it might be time to find out...

Read More

Remembering How to Pray

I don't remember how to pray. I know that some of you might feel like it's easy, just talk to God...but I have a love/hate kinda thing going on with him, and with my faith right now. It's been that way for years.

This blog's not going to really be that long, mainly because there's a whole lot about it that I think about and not a whole lot that I know how to put into words necessarily. For the most part, I don't remember how to pray because I feel like I did my part for years and saw no results. It's the logic in me. And before you get to castigating me about it, here me out.

Imagine if you do all your supervisor asks of you in order to gain a promotion and then you don't get the promotion. It could be that the promotion wasn't meant for me. It's the same with God. Perhaps what I was praying for wasn't what God meant for me to have or wasn't what I needed at the time. Nevertheless, it made it difficult to understand. Now, I know that in theory, I don't have to understand God's work. I just have to believe in Him. I just have a hard time believing in something that I don't fully understand.

It's the age old question/philosophical issue that most people have. I'm still working through it. I'm probably always going to have these questions, and I think if God made me and knows me as well as I think He does, I think He knows and understands.

But for now...I think I'm going to remember how to pray. Night all. Or morning. Smh.

Read More