I haven't written in a
long time.
I haven't written in a long time, not for the lack
of things to say, but simply because my mind has been so jumbled that the words
that normally come across as crystal clear on the virtual page become a hodge
podge of unclear thoughts and unshed emotion.
To start with, being a re-saved Christian is harder
than I imagined...but not for the reasons one might think. I have no trouble
walking a daily walk with God in a seemingly Godless society. I hold the upmost
respect for religions that are not my own, even when they do not always hold
the same respect for mine. To me, for the most part, we are uplifting the same
God, and, not having the same religion doesn't equate to being a bad person,
bad friend, etc.
My two biggest challenges as a Christian, though,
are relating to the people in my life...and fighting myself and my own
transformation. For example, how do you teach your child about God, about
Jesus, when some of her closest family tells her that its nonsense? Or, rather,
how do you explain to a very astute (almost) 10 year old that even though what
the older adults in her life are saying is completely negative, that you a.
Cannot tell them that what they are saying is off base and b. Still have to
respect and love them despite it all? Particularly in a West Indian household…
Bigger than even that, I have been fighting the
God in me for years. Honestly and truly. From the time when I was still in
Episcopal church and was asked to do the youth sermon, from being a youth
leader in a Baptist church and one of the elders telling me flat out that I was
destined to preach the Word someday, I have been fighting the God in me. No
one, of course, chooses to be a heathen (in a manner of speaking)...even when
they say they are. People jokingly say they are (a heathen, that is) because
usually, they enjoy their vices, and do not deem themselves in a position to
give them up yet, if ever. They see the more devout Christian in public as
extremists.
Others simply do not see them as vices - they are simple pleasures
that are not bad simply because an “out of touch book” says so. Others still
condemn the converted Christian ("sinning Monday through Saturday and in
church on Sunday. Mmmph mmmph mmmph.") and attack what they have yet to
understand.
I, of course, have all of this in my immediate
environment.
I am sure there are other Christians that
encounter these same tests of faith all the time. The advice I have gotten thus
far ranges from staying prayed up and in the Word, to simply ignoring
naysayers, to praying for the others. I think it's deeper than that, though, at
least for me. I'm sure that all of the above are effective to some extent. My
problem is more that I want to be the same person with an innate sense of my
Christian self...but the more I delve into my God and life as a Christian, the
more I realize that this might not be possible.
just some incomplete
thoughts...for now...
