Television Graveyard

It’s funny how random thoughts pop into my head sometimes.

I know that I’ve mentioned reality TV’s supply and demand  on here a time or two before. We en masse have a tendency to look for the things that are entertaining (ie drama, madness and mayhem), and, thus far, reality TV has provided that in spades. It is the same reason that we used to watch sitcoms back in the day – they provided us with entertainment value. The only difference is that actors and actresses are on sitcoms, while reality TV stars  are…well…not acting.

Not really, anyway. But moving on.

Last night, I was watching My Wife and Kids reruns on Nick at Nite, you all remember, the one with Damon Wayans and Tisha Campbell-Martin? I don’t really watch TV much, but I do enjoy me some Nick at Nite. As I was watching the show, somewhere in between Damon Wayans’ character making his usual fatherly cracks at his TV son, it dawned on me…

Do we even have any shows like this anymore?

What do I mean by shows like this? Okok. Let’s think about this for a second. In general, the television sitcom ruled our late 70’s and early 80’s existence. Sitcoms were in rare form at the time, and actors and actresses such as Carroll O’Connor, Bill Cosby, Redd Foxx, Meredith Baxter-Birney, Phylicia Rashad, and countless others kept us glued to the TV with their biases and their thoughts – in an entertaining yet enlightening way. Oh, sure, it wasn’t always roses on their shows…but there was always a lesson to learn and something positive to get out of it. Delving deeper into the heart of the matter, the 80’s dawned powerhouse shows for African Americans such as The Cosby Show, A Different World, and 227, all shows that talked about the struggles of everyday African Americans, and how they overcame such obstacles. And, of course, they made us laugh. (To this day, I will never ever hide a piercing from my parents thanks to Theo Huxtable. And I’m an adult with a child of my own. LOL.)

In watching “My Wife and Kids”, though, I realized that we don’t have any shows like this anymore, at all. Think about it. I did. I went through the commercials I’d seen (in my head). I went through my Twitter timeline. I even posed the question on my Facebook page and to my cousins, who I affectionately call “The View”. Wanna see some of the responses? Look below…

From FB:

“The Cosby show..... even tho that was.....quite a long time ago... “

“Actually, I'm gonna raise my hand and say 'Friends' - Aisha Tyler, a great comedienne, played a short role as Ross' girlfriend, a scientist who had won the Nobel Prize *twice*…”

From “The View” (my cousins):

“There are none-not one.”

“No. I cannot think of one.”

“The Oprah show.. Oprah herself portrays black women in a positive way ,intelligent  thought, imaginative. Behind the scenes at Oprah shows a brilliant black woman running Harpo.”

From Random Folk

“Damn…um…I dunno…wait, lemme think…”

“Define positive lololol…The last sitcom like reality show was runs house…That was positive…”

Are you sensing the pattern?

I’m a bit verklempt at this thought. No, seriously. In 2011…with an African American president…where one of the biggest media names in the business is an African American woman…why is it that the only television shows that we have on with a predominantly African American cast portray us as ghetto? Hood? Granted, my girl Carrie Pink pointed out that the VH1 reality show “Toya: A Family Affair” shows Antonia Carter, mother of Lil Wayne’s child, headed in a positive direction…and I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Chandra Wilson of ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy” fame plays a no nonsense doctor on the hit series, written and produced by Shonda Rhimes, an African American woman…plus my other friend pointed out on FB that Blair Underwood plays the President of the United States on the NBC sitcom “The Event”.

But after those…then what?

I got an opportunity to go to the Celebrity Apprentice Live Finale this past weekend, and so I hobnobbed with the best while I watched all of the celebrities come back for the finale to talk about their experience. Of course, the most watched portion of the show was NeNe Leakes and Star Jones going back and forth…again. As much as what Nene said about Star was true, the point that Star valiantly tried to make was also true: Nene’s behavior bespoke of an inability to express herself in a professional manner without getting ghetto and trite, and it gave the impression that when backed into a corner, that’s all “we” do. Now, of course this isn’t true…and yes, much happens in the name of entertainment, but how can we prove it when that is our television ‘reality’?

I’m going to do a bit of research on this first, and come back with a part two, but for now, what do you think? Am I wrong?

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Not Many of Us Have Them...

I have a friend who’s mad at me that helped me anyway because I needed it.

Those are the kinds of friends I have.

Those are the kinds of friends everyone should have.

I realize, though, that everyone doesn’t have those kinds of friends. And, like it or not, everyone needs friends. Everyone needs someone that they can talk to, bounce ideas off of, cry if they need to, laugh with, work out with, wake up in a jail cell together like “damn…they got us, son…” (not that I’ve ever done that…*looks away*), and so on and so forth. Sometimes your friends are also your family…I know that I can call my sister with anything in the world and she’s got me, and not just because she’s my sister. (Many of us have family we love but don’t really like.)

Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

But many of us don’t have those kinds of friends, and sometimes, we don’t even know it. A good friend uplifts. They don’t leave you to your own devices, grown or not, because they know that sometimes, even grownups make bad decisions, and though you can’t control someone’s every move, you can do whatever is in your power to make sure that people are aware that they’re not making the best decision. A good friend will tell you that they think you’re fucking up (if you are), they will tell you “(s)he’s not the right one for you”, they will take the drink that’s going to be one drink too many out your hand and pour it out, and they will do things like go out of their way to get you information you need, even though they’re busy as hell.

Or maybe that’s just my group of friends.

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. (Lol. I know.) Or, more to the point, I suppose, friends don’t let friends get so wasted when they know they shouldn’t. Sure, drinking is fun, but puking is NOT. And if they do get that wasted (because it DOES happen), friends should be the ones that are making sure your chin doesn’t hit the porcelain throne while you ultimately bring back up what you put down while standing on the bar yelling,”shots shots shots!”. Or they hold the puke bag and clean up afterwards. They make sure you get home okay. And they do NOT put it up on social media websites for their amusement. #imjustsaying

Your friends should be a second family to you – catching you and calling you out on self-destructive behaviors, being another support system for you, etc. And yes, every friend has their purpose, all of my friends don’t do all of these things for me all at once…but they would and I’m sure of it. If I were to fall – literally or figuratively – they would catch me. If you have a friend and you don’t think they would do that for you…

It’s time to get a new set of friends.

#thatsallimsaying

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Hey Kettle, the Pot's Calling with Something to Say

It’s been a minute since I talked about marriage, hasn’t it?

Well now, since you’ve brought it up…

I guess I should throw kids into the mix too, balance it all out?

Now if only to figure out where to begin…

Okay. I’ve got it.

My girl Carrie Pink has her own blog that she contributes to on a regular basis, and her words always get me thinking about the things that I think about on a regular basis even more. In yesterday’s musings, she brought up an excellent topic about naming your child after you if you are not married. In her writings, she notes: “I understand women in relationships often feel pressures from fathers who want the children you birth for them to have their last name but why? Why should you give up the option of one family name? Particularly if you don’t live together? and have made no commitment towards being an entire FAMILY and how many of those fathers are by your side today? How long after the birth of the child were you forced to raise the child alone… Now here you are honoring a person who isnt even actively involved… Passing on a last name is a honor and is one that should be reserved for those who not only deserve it but earn it as well, post deilvery… Moms need to celebrate themselves and keep their families intact… More than just physically but emotionally and psychologically too… Having numerous last names in your home psychologically creates an unnecessary divide… No one belongs, because everyone’s name is different…”

You can read more about Carrie’s take on the state of the black family here, on her very iPad friendly site...;o)

So, of course, this got me to thinking about…well, me. But not just me…many people out there who may find themselves in similar situations. When Father’s Day rolls around, I always wish my daughter’s father a happy Father’s Day. Those of you who know me and know my current situation are probably wondering why that is, considering he a. does not wish me the same on Mother’s Day, and b. redefines the meaning of the word ‘jerk’. A large portion of this is as a result of my upbringing. My mother taught me always to be nice, even when that person isn’t being nice to you…why? Because the only thing that being angry does is hurt you…that other person doesn’t care if you’re angry or hurt, it’s not fazing them…only you. The other thing she always taught me is that karma is a bitch and it always, always comes back around. Always.

When I had my daughter, I did, indeed, give my child her father’s last name. Why? I didn’t think otherwise. It never occurred to me that we would reach the extent that we did, that we would be feuding the way that we are. It never dawned on me that I didn’t have to. At any rate, it doesn’t matter to me now that I know what I have to do, nor am I here to sit down and talk about me. Rather, I’d like to talk to my younger generation right now. I'm going to jump around, rambler that I am, for a minute...I promise they're all connected though.

My ladies…listen to me. The institution of marriage is DYING, and so is loyalty. Remember the stats from “The Sanctity of Divorce”? Half of our marriages are GOING…don’t believe me? Check out Arnold and Maria...Scarlett and Ryan…Tony and Eva…and that’s just in the last six months…and I’m not judging, everyone knows their personal limits and they know what they can and cannot tolerate…but at the same time…I really still feel that sometimes, we forget just why we marry…for better or worse.

But more importantly, ladies (and some gentlemen), riddle me this. Why intentionally get yourself into a predicament where you wind up being forced to, in essence, care for a life on your own, when you don’t have to? You should never choose to be a single mom. Take it from someone with experience. It’s not a healthy choice…for all parties involved. As the “pot” talking to you “kettles”, I can honestly say that I wished that I’d waited until my daughter’s father put that ceremonial piece of jewelry on my “life pulse” as he always said that he would before I made the decision that I made. Yes, I know, marriage does not guarantee forever, but it’s a step in the right direction 9 times out of 10. It is also the reason that there will be no more children on this end without a band/ true commitment.

And you should demand the same…because you deserve it. I don’t believe in settling…and it doesn't matter how unhappy my situation makes me at times, I know that I have no intention of settling or downplaying my power ever again. I am determined to be happy…and you should be, too.

What do you think? Do you think that children out of wedlock should be named after their mother or father? Do you think that women should choose to be single mothers, or wait for a committed relationship/marriage? What is your opinion on the current state of marriage?

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A Year Later...

And I still cry.

Yes, I said cry.

Those of you who know the tumultuous relationship my shorty and I had may not understand why I’m still so upset. Why I still think about her. It’s hard because sometimes she really was the only one that got it without me having to say a word. At the same time, she knew just how to drive me absolutely, utterly inSANE. It was this insanity that was too much to deal with.

But I wish I told her that.

There’s so much that I wish I told her. Things that she needed to hear so desperately, things that maybe would have resulted in her still being here. The day I thought of her, two weeks before she died, I wish I had went with the feeling I had to call her. She really would have been tickled with all that I was doing. And I would have been proud that she finally got her shit together.

Separation is good for relationships and friendships sometimes. It is when you begin to fear telling your friend the things they need to hear, when you dread telling them or asking them certain things because you don’t want to get into it with them, that there is a problem. My life lesson in my shorty passing is to never hold on to the things that are on your mind heavily, that you need to ask or query or say. There is nothing wrong with telling your friend about themselves if they need to be told about themselves. Yes, this may cause conflict, but a friendship, a true friendship, ain’t a friendship if you all don’t fuss at each other sometimes.

The past few months have been quite the emotional rollercoaster, in part because I knew this day was coming and in part because there’s so much in me that people need to hear…but I started to do the same thing again. I started to hold on to what I was feeling, held on to the things my friends needed to hear, the tough questions, because I have enough conflict in my life and I don’t need conflict from my friends. Remembering my shorty made me remember that I swore never to ever do that again.

So if you are my friend...and you read this…know that anything I ask, anything that I say to you, is never meant with malicious intent. It’s always in love and 9 times out of 10 it is something that you needed to hear. And I want the same thing done for me. Yes, I’m stubborn and yes, I have a LOT of pride…but I believe that friends should be able to tell friends the hard, not so great things about them, and be able to ask the tough questions, without fear that the friendship will die. If it does…then it wasn’t a true friendship.

As for my shorty…what can I say. I hope you and Alex are up there chilling, playing cards with Viola June, shooting the shit and giving my babes a hug. Do me a favor? Tell my Auntie I did what she told me to do. And that she was absolutely right.

No matter how we parted, I will always miss you, C.

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