Monday Morning Ramblings

It's a dreary Monday morning and all I can do is play and replay all of the various items I need to take care of, on both a personal level and a business level. I'm a bit cranky today...well, not so much cranky as in deep thought...analyzing myself in different areas, you know? But anyway. My mind is wandering...

1. I'm really rather upset that the microwave at my job burned my turkey bacon after all of 25 seconds. I mean, really? It was perfectly cooked!

2. I woke up this morning dreading having to go to work. Like, actually dreading it. Some of you may find this normal. This is never a good sign for me, since I actually like my job. I've been feeling like this more and more lately.

3. I cannot wait to see my dreams take off. That being said, I can't help but wonder if I'm making the right decision. I worry about how my daughter will deal with the transition.

4. Sometimes, I wonder if I live in an alternate universe where I'm still 15 years old and I just missed the memo. My mother tends to treat me as such, no matter what I do, no matter how old I get or how established I get - nothing I ever do is good enough.

5. My locs are a hot flaming mess. They're growing faster than I can keep up with them.

6. Sex, amongst other things, is on my brain hard core right now. This is more than likely due to the fact that I am so backed up that if I look down I wouldn't be surprised to see cobwebs was listening to Maxwell on the way to work.

7.  Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever be able to truly say what's on my mind without whoever I'm telling looking at me in utter shock. Probably not.

8. I've been losing weight, which is good. Now I need new clothes. This is not so good. I guess in the grand scheme of things, though, the needing new clothes is the better bargain.

9. I started school again about a month ago. I no longer want to be bothered. I have too much to do. This is why I need a personal assistant...because this is getting to be insane...(I'm still accepting applications for this, btw...)

10. Two thoughts just came to me at once, so here goes...
a. I hate when someone tells you that they're going to talk to you and then leaves you hanging until they're ready. That irks me to no end. Just tell me now or don't say a blasted ting atall...
b. I had another thought, but someone just came in and interrupted my train of thought, so now I don't remember my other thought...
c. Oh! I remembered my other thought. If you ask someone not to say something to someone about something...and you go ahead and you tell that what you were asked not to say...this qualifies you for an automatic ass whooping. Well, maybe not an ass whooping...but at the very least, you can rest assured that I will not be telling you much of anything anymore.

11. *yawns* I'm rather sleepy...

12. It irks me to no end when you email someone and they respond back, ask you a question, and then don't respond for days after days. I think it's more that I cannot stand being ignored. Like, it infuriates me. 

Anyway. Enough of my ramblings for today. What's going on in your world today? Have a sip of tea (or coffee, whatever your poison) and chat with me...

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To Marry or Not to Marry? (Self-Analysis #2 of...)

"Do you want to get married?" "Don't you?" "Girl, you don't know what you want your wedding dress to look like?" [blank stare] "Why won't you have more kids?" "When will you have more kids?" These are the questions that I have been bombarded with lately, in particular the last week. Apparently, I have the "You're Not Getting Older & You Need to Find Someone" sign on my forehead and I missed the memo and the accompanying picture. 

I'm jumping directions for a second. I swear it'll all make sense in the end.

"It's been like starring in a film, being with you...A film where London is gorgeous and everything sparkles, and I feel like a million dollars. But the thing is, my life's more like a sitcom. Low budget. Ad breaks. I need that vegging-out-in-front-of-the-television time that you hate. You're in love with a part of me, but I can't be like that all the time." - 'Melissa', the little lady agency and the prince by Hester Browne

So I read chick lit. It's entertaining...don't judge me! LOL.

I think it's the unwitting romantic in me that enjoys reading books by Sophia Kinsella, Hester Browne, Meg Cabot, and my all-time favorite chick-lit-meets-KP-style authoress, Jennifer Crusie. All these authors have a way with words...comical story lines, quick wit, relatable characters, etc., etc. To me, what generally brings their stories to life for me is that relatability: that opportunity to see a piece of me in the characters that they describe so vividly.

More and more as of late (and this could be due to that big 3-0 approaching), I find myself thinking about what my issue is. I'm sure some of it is due to my unwavering desire to be a punk. I have a few eligible bachelors on my tail, so to speak. Why haven't I snagged any of them? Are they just not right for me and I'm just biding my time with them? Or am I ready to confront my feelings and either **** or get off the pot, and I just haven't done it yet? What is it?

A large portion of me realizes that I'm afraid of the everyday stuff. What happens when the curtains are closed and the pretenses are gone. Friends of mine (both platonic and otherwise) have this impression of me as a strong minded, strong willed individual. No holds barred. Don't really give a damn about your opinion. And they'd be right...the majority of the time.

But sometimes...I'm sensitive and vulnerable. I'm unsure of what lays ahead. I'm cranky and irritable and not sure if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm not always sure that I'm doing a good job. And so on and so forth. But if I always feel as if I have to play this role...then how will I ever uncover who is meant to be for me? Who's going to be OK with me liking them and them liking me? Who I may eventually...marry? *shrugs*


I said I was going to be doing ongoing self analysis...here's part two of I don't know how many...


Have you ever felt pressure from the people around you who want to 'marry' you off? What is your answer for them? What is your take on marriage?

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Venus vs. Mars: Why Folks Don't Get It (aka Stop Beating a Dead Horse)

I'm sure that by now, many of you have either heard about or listened to or seen Nightline's Face Off, where they did a forum on why the Successful Black Woman cannot find a good man.

*dramatic sigh* We haven't figured this out yet? It's real simple...I didn't need to hear Steve, Sherri, Hill, and Jacque (the other panelist, Jimi, I'm ignoring him - he should stick to writing books - and what was the deal with the muscle shirt? Throw a blazer on it, my dude) explain it to me. I knew the answer a long time ago. But, being the good rambler that I am, I figure, why not address some of the broad generalizations mentioned?

Here we go...

1. Black women and their standards. Blah blah bliggedy blah. [sidebar: the first issue, even before we talk about that, is to say that the biggest problem is that we're too busy generalizing to figure out the real problem]  If I hear one more of my fellow women say that they need someone to be a Ph.D candidate or drive a car or whatever have you before they'll consider a dude, I will seriously hurl. I was talking to a homegirl of mine (who will remain nameless, but when she reads this, she'll know who she is...I told you I was gonna call you out) about eligible black men and she went down that typical 'they're all bums and the same' shtick and, of course, in typical KP fashion, I stared at her. Waited for her to finish. Then I YouTubed Katt Williams and played it for her. She started laughing. I was serious. (Usually I am dead serious when people laugh at me the hardest.) She went on to talk about their laziness, their lack of education, etc. etc.
Blank stare...you have an associates on that 4 year plan. It's a two year degree. Shhh. 
There is NOTHING wrong with an associates, a certificate, any of these things. Do what you do and do it well. My problem is that you cannot sit there, demanding a Ph.D, when you don't have one. Period. End of story. It's called equally yoked. Moving on...

So many women that I encounter have these absurd 'lists' of things that they must have in order for them to be with that person...pretty skin...must be 5'11 or above...have to have their own place/car...must pay for the first date or there won't be a second date...etc. etc. Meanwhile...the 5'8 man worth a quarter of a million dollars who lives at home to keep stacking so he can take over the world just walked by you with his rubber band on his phone, because you were too busy worried about your 'standards'. And yes, that example might seem extreme (or is it?)...but it's the reality. It's not time to lower your standards...it's just time to be realistic. On the other hand...many of us become content to be in these go nowhere relationships with that quote-end quote "bum" because we don't want to be alone and so we accept whatever because we're afraid to go for what we really want. Like I said...it's time to be realistic.

2. Black Women are Bitter. Um...some are. *shrugs* And it's time to get over it. Seriously. Why should a man need to carry your baggage unless y'all are going on vacation? The next man will not do what the last one did unless you allow it. And then, in that case, that's your bad. If you're staying away from a relationship because you realize that you have baggage that needs to go into that good and deep basement storage behind the cobwebs, fine. Do you. Nothing wrong with that. It's where I am right now myself. (Well, at least, it's where I was. I wasn't sure if I was ready...I am.) But if you are going to wallow in what the last dude did to you...I know if I don't wanna hear it, then I know a man doesn't.

3. Black Men are Intimidated by Strong, Successful Black Women. No they're NOT!!! Really, I swear, they're not. If they're a real man...hunny, they are singing your praises, they are waiting for you to invite them to your big debut so they have a reason to show off, they are touting your successes every chance they get. I'm serious. I know a lot of great men, both single and taken, who I talk with about this...and they all say the same thing: some of y'all are looking at the wrong type of man...or you're seeking to make some men into something they are NOT. A good man is excited and turned on by success and wants to bask in it. Like Steve Harvey said...some men are not intimidated, they're ashamed that they're not where they want to be yet. And that may not be your issue, true...but I'm just saying. Get away from that thought process.

Dang, there's so much I want to touch on!!

4. There are no gentlemen left. To this I say...um...read this.

5. I can't find any faithful black men. You do realize that black men get cheated on too, right...? For more info and in the interest of people's contact lenses drying out, please refer back to number 2. *wink*

Now. So that it doesn't seem like I'm a man stuck in a chick's body, lemme head over to the men's side of things for a second:

1. Black women have an attitude. Some of us do. Many of us do because you think we do. Sometimes, you hit us up at the wrong time. Sorry. Stop generalizing.

2. Black women don't know how to support a man.  I don't know where the hell that idea came from, but it couldn't be further from the truth. A good woman will make your dream hers without losing sight of who she is....mainly because she has a dream of her own...and that dream could be the best damn Suzy Q Homemaker or the hottest chick in the game...or a comprehensive strategy to take over the world (are you sensing a trend with the taking over the world thing?)

3. Wait a minute...I don't have a 3 right now. I'm just gonna conclude and come together. Wait, wait, wait. Real real quick: Black women don't support their men. (Yes, this is slightly different than #2.) Ok. So. On the one hand, some of us are real quick to dismiss a brother with no job. But riddle me this, Batman...if your shorty pays your bills, feeds you, gives you ideas and/or funds your dream chasing in any way...this is support and should not be misconstrued as nagging if she eventually starts fussing at you to get a job. Money makes the world go 'round, partna. You are in the wrong country for that love run government. We all capitalists ova 'ere so...

Ok, moving on.

There are equal problems on both ends of the spectrum. I just want us to stop beating up on each other and talk to each other, communicate, however it is that you communicate. Ladies - you are going to, at some point, have to suck it up and feed your man's ego a lil. It is what it is. If you can't do that, be content with being single. Don't worry. I'll be sure to...actually, y'all can have that. I don't wallow. And I have no problem giving a compliment. Gentlemen - I hate to break it to you, but some of us like to talk...and talk some more...and be complimented...and courted and what have you. Deal with it. The reality is that so many of us are so busy looking for all the wrong, on both ends, that we will let the right walk right on by...and then get mad when it does. I said this before...it's 2010. Time to use your words.

Once we get into our heads that we are different and each situation is different and that we need to let go of our fears and inhibitions and embrace some humility, a little ego stroking, and a scoop of freak, perhaps we will be able to find what we are all looking for, be it that man who is willing to run the world side by side with them (can you tell I'm seeking world dom-eee-na-tion?? [cockroach from Fairly Oddparents voice]), or that woman who is cool with just being content in their past and happy in their future. Whatever it is. I know I'm working on not being a punk anymore. But either way...can we put this topic to rest now? Because there's a bit of an air of desperation happening now and I gotta tell allyuh, there is nothing sexy about it...

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The Economics of Infidelity

So I got to reading the best book ever: 


More Sex is Safer Sex by Steven E. Landsburg is a book that likens economic concepts and challenges with, well, promiscuity. What's that you say? Sex and money in one book? I'm for it!! *wink*


But anyway. I'm going to talk about sex. And economics. But mostly sex. 


Right.


So...when I started reading the book, Landsburg had me cracking up. He's really a rather dry and witty fellow. In it, he points out, "Whether you're...having sex, saving or spending...your actions have costs and benefits. As long as you feel all the costs and benefits, you'll tend to get the quantity right. You'll...have the right number of children, or choose the right number of sex partners. But if you feel only the benefits while someone else feels the costs, you'll tend to overindulge."


And there you have it. It's so true! Look at all of the celebrities nowadays that have been put under the microscope because they decided to 'overindulge'. Tiger Woods. Jesse James. Tiki Barber. And that's only within the past six months. Infidelity is always a topic of controversy - and, by default, entertainment. There is supply and demand in the promotion and publication of cheating!! I mean, people have been cheating since men and women figured out where to put it! I was on my Facebook page, chatting about it with my friend, and I felt compelled to point out:

"There are two distinct issues: 1. The media's need to supply controversy...and the capitalistic blood in the large masses' need to demand drama and gossip...supply and demand, kiddo...anyone who says that they're not about capitalism LIED! Think about it: the media's not going to sell anything that no one's asking for...how many people do YOU know who say that they hate the negativity of the media, but are like crack fiends to their boob tube (geesh I'm old!) when any coon...I, I mean, VH1 reality TV show comes on?

2. People think it's such a recent surge in infidelity...it's not...not by a long shot. We just have the means now to talk about it en masse...pick someone famous...in fact, pick 10 famous people and I'll bet you that 9 of them have chased a piece of tail at least once that wasn't theirs....why? Because they could! Tiger, Jesse, (our) Jesse, Tiki, Bill (Cosby), they all just managed to get caught......"

There you have it. The economics of infidelity. So now I ask - are we just doomed to continue to repeat the same cycles over and over? I mean, we realize now that there are many reasons that people cheat, but the main reason is that they can. Simple. After that, of course, is the reason that people, in general, are afraid to do things that may not be easy and don't have an immediate benefit. It's like I said about grinding: people will grind for their jobs because there is money, prestige, and immediate rewards involved. So why not work towards something concrete, instead of sticking allyuh parts inna everybody tail? What are we so afraid of?


Discuss.

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The Cumulus Cloud that is Sex, Love, and Marriage

So this past weekend, my Dashing Divas (we shall call them Chef (me), International, Fashionista, and Ivy League) and I went to Atlantic City to release some tension, go on vacation, and...well...be divas, of course. We got the chance to hang out and be splendiferously (yes, this is a word today) fabulous. Check us out! 

 

Now. During one of our many visits to the various casino buffets (I've been eating better, so I kept it healthy), we got to talking about relationships. And sex. And more relationships. But definitely about sex. I love hearing different points of view on matters of the heart, amongst other things. We touched on some taboo topics (which I will not elaborate on to protect the innocent...*wink*), as well as some deep seated matters of the heart. We talked about sugar daddies, older men, the perfect wedding, getting what you want out of a relationship, the definition of love, etc. One of the more interesting topics that came up were the extent that one would go to in order to ensure happiness. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

So I asked myself: what do I need to be happy? I mean, there's my daughter. She's a big portion of it. There's my business. Being a business woman definitely makes me happy. My family and friends, of course. But when it comes to that romantic happy, that happy when your soul stretches every morning, it smiles and then the world smiles with you, that 'I cannot wait to see (insert partner's name or nickname here)' giddyness...well, what do I need for that to be happy? Am I even prepared to be happy? Allyuh already know how I feel about relationships and love...

So I ask you, my readers: what are your requirements for romantically emotional happiness? Speak...ponder...discuss...

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