Time Management and People Who Have None

Time Management and People Who Have None

I am a busy woman. Always have been. And, like most people, I have
very limited time on my hands. Therefore, when I have free time, I
cherish it. So when someone cannot balance their schedule and I am
forced to frivolously waste my time...I become a bit irate.

Why is it so difficult for people to a. Manage their time effectively,
and b. Respect other people's time enough to let others know when they
can or can't do something? It is something that rather infuriates me.
I know thy things come up from time to time, but come ON! In this age
of technology, a simple text message will suffice...IN ADVANCE. That
way, I can replan whatever it is I need to replan. Urggh!!

I need to go whoosah and find something else constructive to do so
that I can calm down. Until then...

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

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Pride is my Deadly Sin...What's Yours?

What’s your deadly sin?

Mine is pride.

I know, I know. How wack is that? I was talking to my ride or die about my pride and how difficult of a time I have asking for help. As with most things that run through my mind, I have a tendency to want to go and look up the things that I’m thinking about, in my quest for useless yet endless knowledge. The Catholic Church’s assessment of the Cardinal Sin of pride “is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God)”.

I don’t have any desire to be more important or attractive than others, purely from an aesthetic standpoint. I am, however, a perfectionist. I know this about myself. I also know that when I want something, and it’s important to me…I pursue it until either I get what I want or something else piques my interest. With that, I know that because I like to perfect what I put my hands on, if I half ass something, it bothers me until I fix it. Otherwise, it continues to nag at me. I guess that could be considered pride.

The other thing I have issues with is asking for help or assistance. Because of this whole perfectionist complex thing I got going, I have a hard time asking for help with a lot of things because 1. I feel like I can fix it myself if I think about it long enough, 2. I hate inconveniencing anyone, especially when I can figure it out on my own, and 3. Depending on what I need help with, if it doesn’t come out how I want it to come out, I end up doing it over anyway. So I guess that is a pride issue, now that I think about it.

I know that no one man is an island. I am learning that sometimes, my way is not the best way. I am gradually learning how better to handle that. I am also gradually learning that if I don’t know how to fix it within a specified period of time, it’s best to let someone else handle it. Sometimes, it’s OK to let someone with more experience do it, big or small. That way, I can focus my attention on something else more important that my particular skill set is needed for.

I think the other part of it is, when you ask for help, there’s always the chance that someone will use it as leverage over you in the future. I think that is the part that stops me from asking the most, or, even better, when assistance is offered, why I don’t take it. If you’re offering to help, it should be because you genuinely want to help…not because you are looking to have something to hold over someone later on. If you’re not helping out of the goodness of your heart, then keep it. I don’t want it.


So like I asked in the beginning…what’s your deadly sin? And why?

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When Life Gives You Lemons, You Put Them in Scotch!

Vintage blogging as it's finest! I wrote this a month or two ago and posted it to my Facebook account. It's still relevant, so enjoy...


So here I am...this is me, who I am. I am a people person who does NOT like people. People are unreliable. They have flaws...which is fine, because so do I, but the fact of the matter is that people depend on you do to certain things. They look to you when you're talented and when you have a lot going for you and when you seem friendly and giving, that is when you get taken advantage of.

I like scotch. Scotch has a nutty velvety texture that never changes, it only evolves. It has classes of flavors and nuances of texture. Add a lemon and it's the perfect drink - neat or on the rocks. People douse their fears, inhibitions, and problems in a glass of scotch...or whatever their preferred liver ruining beverage is. Scotch, unlike people, is reliable. You know exactly what to expect when you sip it.

Okok. So now that the metaphorical phrasing is over and out the way, let's talk about my 'lemons'. The problem that I have with people is that they have expectations of me because I care. And I know that ideally, I can only allow what I allow. But let's be real. When you are a giving person, who wants to make sure that the people you care about are ok, people tend to take that for granted. But then, when you assess and you realize that there's a whole "kindness for weakness" thing happening, and you take two steps back, then all of a sudden, everyone comes running. It's a wonder I'm not manic.

It's part of the reason that I write to vent off. The people that know me really well know that I hate, hate, HATE getting emotional about shit because I absolutely hate feeling vulnerable. I don't really know anyone that likes feeling vulnerable, but I particularly don't like it. And those that are like, "oh, but you're so social! you seem like such a people person!" don't really know me or get it. I'm simple yet complex. It's a hard concept to explain.

Every time I find myself in the midst of lemons, I throw them into my scotch. I don't like making lemonade. Lemonade is sweet and tends to blur the realities of the situation. If I put the lemons into scotch, the true flavor is there, unfettered, ready for me to handle. I like being able to do things hands on and handle whatever the situation is. Hence, lemons in my scotch.

There's so much I want to say that I haven't quite figured out how to put into words. But right now, my biggest obstacle is working on this vulnerable shit I got going on. I don't like it, and it has to go. I have other things to be worried about. Vulnerable? Taken advantage of? Not going to happen.

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Success vs. Romance

Success is defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary as “the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence”. For most people, acquiring success comes through a career oriented goal, be it a job, the beginning of a business, the expansion of capital, or some combination thereof. Seemingly at the opposite end of the spectrum is romance. Most people look for someone to compliment and/or complete them. The question then seems to be, what's more important, being successful alone or being happy with someone? And is it actually that simple?

I came up with the question because so often, I hear about my single and successful ladies out there, saying that they want to concentrate on their careers first before getting themselves in a relationship, almost as if to imply that you can't be in a relationship and be successful at the same time. As if the two can't co-exist. I heard it so much in particular this week that it prompted me to ask my FB people. Here are some of the responses I got:

“So, here's the thing about your question. You use sucessful and happy in two different sentences, so my question is whether they are mutually exclusive. If you are successful alone, are you automatically happy, or do you want that special someone to share it with? Does being happy with someone preclude being successful?
The important thing is being comfortable with the choices you're making and being willing to change and grow. I'll also add that I believe that most of the time, happiness is a choice we make”

“Why can't one be successful AND happy with someone?

If you have to forfeit your success to be "happy with someone", the truth of the matter is that you'll never be truly happy.

The key in life is to find a person who pegs your success as important to them as it is to you and vice versa. That is where the struggle comes in. Finding that person who holds u and ur upward mobility in every realm in the same light as their own.

Success and happiness are in the eyes of the beholder. You define them. So before you think about which is more important, you first have to think about what your personal definitions of these states are and understand why they cannot co-exist.”
“If you can't find ways to be happy being alone, having that person isn't going to change much, honestly. And I think it's perfectly possible to find someone to share your success with. That doesn't take away from the 'youness' of what you've accomplished.”

“If you are with someone that you genuinely love but the two of you all are broke how does that help either one of you? That frustration will eventually lead to massive fighting and bickering and finger pointing and then what???..The Breakup. Whereas if you are successful you can pick and choose who to be bothered with or have around you at any given time. Success allow you the option to pick and choose. Most times being alone is more peaceful than anything.”

Here is my take on the whole thing. To me, success is a relative thing, and romance/relationships are a relative thing. Both things are completely contingent on the person's current state of mind. If you are currently concentrating on, for example, starting a business, and you can't think of anything else but starting a business, you are the type that focuses on one thing at a time. This is not to say, however, that you can't also be in a relationship. I think a lot of people use the career first option as a cop out, a means to avoid utilizing the feelings and emotions that come with being in love or loved.

If you are with someone you genuinely love, it surpasses all the drama because you are actively going to make a concerted effort to figure out what you need to do. If the frustration of not having any money gets to you to the point that the two of you cannot function cohesively, perhaps you should reconsider whether or not the two of you are as in ... love as you think you are, in general, that is.

I always have more to say...but anymore thoughts on this?

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The Crush vs. Being in Like

I was thinking earlier on today about how I felt about guys that I have encountered romantically and whether it could be considered a crush or being in like. I know that even recently, mention someone's name and I might be reduced to blushing and all sorts of unlike KP stuff. In addition, some of my students of late have been coming to me, seeking out advice on their latest "crushes". So, I decided to throw out an FB (Facebook) status with my thought provoking question of the day: What's the difference between a crush and liking someone? Here are some of the responses (no names, just quotes):

"You can like someone platonically, but a crush is always about attraction. This is not to say you can't be attracted to someone you like, though. But the crush burns hot and fast and will either disappear completely or settle into genuine sentiment."

"when u like someone its a cool easy breezy feeling. it makes u smile.when u crush on somone its like a warm feeling. makes u giggle n yearn for more."

"Liking someone can mean that an interaction is possible. Crushing means that your feelings could be pure fantastic..."


So then, my question becomes: how do you know when the crush has faded and you know that you really like that person? Is it when you still want to be around that person when that ba-boom ba-boom sound that your heart makes around them stops but you still really like them? Can you still blush when you see them and no longer be crushing on them? Thoughts please...

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Being Not Afraid and the Death of E.Lynn

Let me start with E. Lynn. According to AP reports via his publicist, E. Lynn Harris, New York Times best-selling author of African American fiction such as "Invisible Life" and "If This World Were Mine", passed away on July 23 at the age of 54 due to a heart attack. It also alluded to additional health problems that caused him to rapidly deteriorate recently.

This is actually the first I am hearing of E. Lynn being sick. If you don't know the significance of E. Lynn Harris to the literary world, he is credited with bringing many of the DL behaviors and gay community information to the forefront in his books, paving the way for similarly themed African American authors such as James Earl Hardy. His first book, "Invisible Life", was self published at first; he had a hard time getting a publishing house to pick it up due to the 'content', however, one of the managers in the bookstores he would push to pick up his books directed him toward an Anchor Books agent, and the rest is literary history. For him to have passed away, particularly with the LGBT movement happening right now, is sad to say the least. Already the vultures have begun to circle: did E. Lynn have AIDS? Is that why he died? Really, now? Sigh...and I thought this was 2009. SMH.

I was originally going to say a little bit about some people who have book homophobia, but I wanted to take a moment to discuss some of the epiphanies that I have been having lately about being scared and getting over it. I mean, look at E. Lynn Harris' death. He was 54. I'm sure he didn't wake up 2 days ago with the intent of dying. Most don't. So when I think about all the things that in my lifetime that I have left unsaid...I wonder what the harm would be in saying them.

As of late, I find myself overpondering lots of things, but more importantly, I wonder about why I have such a difficult time expressing my emotions when it comes to certain things. I know there's my switch and I know that a large portion of it is a defense mechanism of mine that stops me from getting too deep in. It might not be healthy but it's been working for me so far...I think. Lately, I've been wondering if it might be time to let that defense mechanism go. Maybe it's doing me more harm than good.

I think it might be time to find out...

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Remembering How to Pray

I don't remember how to pray. I know that some of you might feel like it's easy, just talk to God...but I have a love/hate kinda thing going on with him, and with my faith right now. It's been that way for years.

This blog's not going to really be that long, mainly because there's a whole lot about it that I think about and not a whole lot that I know how to put into words necessarily. For the most part, I don't remember how to pray because I feel like I did my part for years and saw no results. It's the logic in me. And before you get to castigating me about it, here me out.

Imagine if you do all your supervisor asks of you in order to gain a promotion and then you don't get the promotion. It could be that the promotion wasn't meant for me. It's the same with God. Perhaps what I was praying for wasn't what God meant for me to have or wasn't what I needed at the time. Nevertheless, it made it difficult to understand. Now, I know that in theory, I don't have to understand God's work. I just have to believe in Him. I just have a hard time believing in something that I don't fully understand.

It's the age old question/philosophical issue that most people have. I'm still working through it. I'm probably always going to have these questions, and I think if God made me and knows me as well as I think He does, I think He knows and understands.

But for now...I think I'm going to remember how to pray. Night all. Or morning. Smh.

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Dreams, Nightmares, and the Blasted MTA

So this morning I woke up in a cold sweat, and it wasn't just because I realized I had overslept. I had this nightmare that shook me to the core and confused me all at the same time. In it, I married an ex of mine...I won't even go into the other crazy aspects of the dreams but for those of you who are reading this that actually know me, if I told you who it was, you would fall out. And of course, it terrified me beyond belief.

It also brought to the forefront a recurring dream about marriage that I've been having for years now, always at seemingly random times. In it, I dream that I get all gussied up to get married to the love of my life, only to be stood up at the altar. It always plays out the same way with slight variations...one time, I could almost see who the person was that I was supposed to marry, and in another, my dress sash was a different color. In yet another, the dream picked up a little where it left off from me being left at the altar.

Now, I've been doing some reading on recurring dreams. On the website science.howstuffworks.com, they say this about recurring dreams:
Overcoming Recurring Dreams
Following are some tips to help you in overcoming your recurring dreams.
1. To start to understand your recurring dream, you must be willing to accept some sort of change or undergo a transformation.
2. You need to look within yourself and confront whatever you may find no matter how difficult it may be.
3. Look at the dream from an objective point of view. Try to get pass the emotional and reactive elements of the dream and get down to the symbolic images. Often times, dreams are masked by elements that are disturbing, thus preventing you to delve any deeper. This is a defense mechanism that your unconscious is putting up.
4. Each and every time you have a recurring dream, write it down in great detail. Look for any subtle variations. These variations are the most significant as it indicates that you are one step closer to understanding why the dream recurs.
5. Pay attention to what is going on in your waking life when you have these recurring dreams. You may start to notice a pattern.
6. Be patient. Do not get discourage if these dreams still recur even after you thought you have come to understand them.
7. Learn to accept yourself truly and fully.
Once you discover what your recurring dream is trying to tell you, these dreams will change or altogether disappear.

After having read that, I said, ok. I think these are all things I've been doing...I just want to stop having these dreams. I know I hate being vulnerable, I know that I can be stubborn and difficult and the like...I just haven't been able to decipher this one yet. Any takers??


Moving on to my day, the month wouldn't be complete if I didn't go on my tirade about the MTA (Metropolitan Transit Authority). The MTA's motto is, "Going Your Way". 8 times out of 10, it's not. Between the constant delays, the endless fare hikes, the sucky service, and the filthy train stations (see my blog on my plight with the damn rat), it's an all in all terrible thing. And today, of course, was no exception...

Because I woke up late, I was rushing to get to work on time. I figured that at the very least, I'd only be about 5 to 10 minutes late. So after rushing for the railroad in the am and rushing for the A train, I finally catch a break at West 4th street when I jog down the stairs and lo! there is a F train waiting for me to get on it. Yess. I get on...the doors close...and then they announce that because of some train being stuck on the 2nd Ave line (my stop), that they were rerouting all F trains on the A line, so the train was going to skip the next five (count 'em, five) stops, and that I would have to transfer in BROOKLYN to the uptown train to go back the five stops to get off at 2nd Avenue.

By this time, I'm hot. Not only am I late, I am EXTRA late. Over a half hour. The conductor says that they (the MTA) will provide notes for people who were late to work as a result of the delays. I get off at 2nd Avenue finally, ask the information agent for the note, and she says she not only doesn't HAVE any note like that, but that she has no further information at this time. So I ask you: 1. if you're the information agent and you don't have the information and you don't have any means to access the information needed...what good are you as an information agent? 2. WHY did they raise the fares again??? Adding to that, they delayed the building of the 2nd Avenue Subway AGAIN for another 2 years to raise more capital. But if you raised my fare to help generate the money needed for the subway...and it's been pushed back again and again, I ask again, WHY did they raise my fare again?

Just some thoughts for ya...I'm going to try to go lay down so there's no oversleeping again...night!

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Making A Change

I wouldn't be a true Caribbean gyal if at some point I didn't discuss
some politics. Growing up, many family dinners were rife with
discussion on the state of our home countr(ies), the state, the US,
name it. I have inherited the bug. So here we go...

I am a doer. Point blank. I believe that so much of our time is spent
analyzing and planning and discussing and not enough time is spent
doing all the things we discuss and bemoan. Now, granted, do some
things have to be discussed? Of course. If we all decided to jump up
and mash up de place because someone got called out their name, we'd
be doing a whole lot of nothing. Yet and still, I believe that there
is a whole lot of time wasted on kissing up wunna teeth and
complaining about whatever.

For example: how many people do you remember complained through all of
Bush's 8 years in office? And then, of course, when asked, "did you
vote?" yuh does get all sorta kiss teeth and whining that the system
doesn't work. Here's the thing about the system: of course it
doesn't work if you don't use it!!!

Now, granted. The system is far from perfect. Those of you who don't
know how the system works, real quick tutorial. Presidents are elected
through an electoral college system. As state popular votes are
counted, the candidate with the most votes traditionally receives the
electoral college votes of that state. Of course, this is the most
base explanation of how it works. It's so much more complex than
that. But anyway. The point of this is, it can be easily said that if
one person doesn't vote, then it's no big deal. But if 15 million
people each individually say that they're not going to vote…see
where I'm going with this?

Sometimes, a little action is required to get things going. I'm going
to get a bit touchy now. Some of you may not like what I'm going to
say. It's my blog so I'm saying it anyway. LOL. But seriously, we
can agree to disagree, right? Ok, so here goes…I've got some doubts
about our new President. And it's not because he's black. It's
because he's spending too much money right now too quickly. He's
got a bit of a Superman complex going on, and it worries me. Am I
saying he can't do his job? No. But I do think he needs to focus on
one problem at a time before he burns out and/or burns a hole in the
U.S. Economy.

Having said all that, what can I (or you) do to help? In my opinion,
it starts by starting from the bottom up. Get involved in your local
community. KNOW WHO YOUR LOCAL CITY COUNCIL(WO)MAN IS. Put pressure on
them to get de rass from behind the blasted camera, stop looking for
the ideal soundbite, and start working on the community.

What else? Support your local businesses. Don't overdo it, but
remember a basic economics principle: you have to spend some money to
generate money. Do some research, pool your funds with people you
trust, and invest a little. Little things like this done all over help
to revitalize the local economy.

Finally...stop complaining to each other and complain to the blasted
government! Keep complaining. Send the same letter over and over so
they get the message. No time? Save your letter as a Word doc and cut,
paste, and email once a day. Be sure to point out a solution to your
complaint so that you don't seem like you're just whining, though.

All these are small ways that you and I can make changes for the
better. Maybe it came off a little preachy. But then again, sometimes,
you just gotta testify. Till next time...

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

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Being Lonely in a Crowded Room

Being Lonely in a Crowded Room

It's interesting when emotion finds it's way into your spirit.
Sometimes, it happens at the most unusual times.

Have you ever been in a room full of people and yet, felt more alone
than when you were by yourself? Like the activity was just all around
you and you were the one just chilling in a bubble? It happens to the
best of us.

When these things happen, as they often do to many people, you find
yourself asking why. Is it that you have too much on your mind to
enjoy yourself when you're out? Is it that you're feeling down and you
just can't have a good time?

I have more to say on this matter...but for now...Thoughts?

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

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When They Lose Interest

When They Lose Interest

What happens when you're digging someone and, for no apparent reason,
they lose interest and you are left wondering if you're the crazy one?
I mean, everything was going so well...right?

The thing is...when interest is one sided, it's usually apparent to
everyone but the interested party. The other thing to keep in mind is
that very rarely does someone lose interest overnight. It is usually a
gradual thing, again, noticeable to everyone but the interested party.

For me, I find myself interested in the ones that I know will more
than likely lose interest quickly. So if I know that...why do it to
myself, right? Well I guess for me, it's some sort of ass backwards
defense mechanism. If I know that whatever this is will be short
lived, I know that the odds of any long term scarring is less. It
sounds strange...but it's been working for me lately. Most don't
understand and I don't expect them to.

Conversely, there are those that are interested in me that I know full
well that I am not interested in the same way. And it's not because
they're not attractive or anything. It's simply because they're not my
type. I'd like to say that I'm working on this, because I eliminate a
lot of guys this way...but let's be honest about the situation. I'm
not. I appreciate the attention, but ultimately...it's not what I
want. And I always make that clear up front.

I dunno. Maybe it's the rogue Sagittarius in me that is preventing me
from being open to the right guy for me. Maybe it's the fear of being
hurt again that veers me toward these short term situations. I think
the one time recently that I might have been willing to take that next
step with someone...they lost interest. And while I wasn't exactly
expecting it, once I realized what was happening, off the switch
went...and I kept it moving.

Perhaps, one day, I will suck it up and admit how I feel to the right
person. How I will know that this is the right person is beyond
me...but I'm hoping he will be revealed to me so that I know.

Until then, "pimp on, pimpin'..."lol

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

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The Mystery of the Big Girl

So those of you by now who haven't realized this...I am a big girl. Have been all of my life. Well...no, that's not exactly true. When I danced 6 days a week, I was a size 9/10. But even that is big...for a dancer, anyway.

But enough babbling about that. This note is about the 'big girl' stigma.

And there is a stigma, believe me. There are some people who still look at the big girl and wonder how she got to be that big, or if they like themselves that size, or who loves a girl like that...today I got someone who told me that I would be sooo pretty if I would just lose 100 pounds or so. I could've easily said, "well, you'd be so pretty if you...oh. wait. you wouldn't be pretty anyway". But I didn't. It's not necessary. Her commentary was simply indicative of being ignorant. Or at the very least, tactless.

I was born beautiful and I will die beautiful, whether I am a size 20 or a size 2. And what makes me beautiful is my ability to carry myself in an educated and sophisticated manner. It's my ability to weave words with a few strokes of a pen or a few typed words. It's my ability to create ANYTHING in any kitchen you put me in. It's my face. It's my stride. It's who I am. So if I decide to lose weight, then I lose weight because I want to. If I don't, and I'm healthy (because there are a LOT of skinny or slim UNHEALTHY people), then I just don't. I learn to be who I am and anyone I encounter can take it or leave it.

There are so many young women and older women out there who are not confident in themselves and who feel that because they are big, they have to subject themselves to doing or being a certain way because they won't attract anyone because of their size. The thing is, if you don't have self esteem and self confidence, then it really doesn't matter WHAT size you are, they're not going to be attracted to you anyway. And chances are, you're attracting the wrong man, because it takes a confident, strong man to love or appreciate a big girl, just like it takes a confident and strong man to appreciate any girl. Know who you're attracting.

Some men find themselves trying to make a big girl feel special. I LOVE feeling special. I don't need a pity special, though. See, the thing is, contrary to popular belief, I don't have issues attracting anyone. I attract those who can handle me, as most women do. I laugh sometimes because some people are so surprised who they'll see a big girl with. Like, "how'd she get him?" What do you mean? Because I'm big, am I not entitled to have a fine man? What, I can't handle that? SMH. So cute. So funny. So sad. A big girl is a woman just like any other woman, and, if that big girl has the demeanor and the know how to get the man, then she's walking away with the man. Gentlemen, ladies, no need to pigeonhole the big girl. I got this, don't worry about me.

Sometimes I don't feel beautiful. Yes, I said it. It had to be said. The reason is, everyone has their days when they don't feel at their best. I'm not sure why there's such an assumption that a big girl is depressed or down most of the time (I have heard some doozies, trust), but the truth is, at least for me, I swear that last time I checked, I had ups and downs like any other woman. So I don't always feel pretty. When I get like that, I go and I look in the mirror. Then I go to the kitchen. (Don't laugh, I'm not going to EAT.) I go to my portfolio. My degree. My resume. My daughter. I go and I examine everything that makes me the flyest woman this side of Queens...and then I go and relax and drink a glass of water because I done got myself too hot. LOL.

The point of my whole diatribe is that a big girl is no different than any other woman. Sure, maybe our body mass index is grossly over the national average, but here's a secret: So are most women. There are like, a handful of women who ACTUALLY fit into their BMI category...and if you're one of them, good for you. If you're not...ok, and?

Now go find you a big girl and hug 'em. There's a whole lotta love there. LOL. (I had to end it this way, I caught myself getting too serious...lol)

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Thursday Night Shenanigans...smh...

So most of you who I know that may be reading this know that I tend to have interesting Thursday afternoons (or evenings). When I was taking class on Thursday afternoons last quarter, I had a classmate that used to put his feet up in the classroom, with no shoes on, and go to sleep in the middle of class. For those that don't believe me, the pic above is proof.

This is my last quarter at AI. I don't anticipate having the same types of funny classroom stories in business law. But true to Thursday form, I see the strangest things just walking the streets of Manhattan, as I'm sure anyone who people watches does. This past Thursday was no exception.

So my best friend has been wanting to get back into the afterwork scene...she is like my afterwork road dog. Yesterday, she wanted to hit up two spots that some of our people do...Summer Series at Pranna on E 28 and Madison Avenue, sponsored by Grae Enterprises (www.graeenterprises.com, bringing grown and sexy back to the afterwork scene), and Taj Afterwork Thursdays, sponsored by Brandon V Ray et al. (more info to come!) So I put on my going out face and met my homegirl at Pranna.

Now. Pranna's really nice, definitely has this sexy Mediterranean villa thing going on. The menu boasts a Indo-Asian fusion cuisine. I wasn't really thrilled with my Paneer & Potato Croquettes, neither the size nor the flavor...but perhaps other items on the menu fare better. After checking Pranna and Grae for a little while, we decided to truck it over to Taj for a while (and to get some fries. Their fries are GREAT.)

En route, we're crossing 5th Avenue, where they're filming some show, and all of a sudden I see...

Yes honey. It might be a bit blurry...but you are looking at a man...dragging a suitcase...in a full Spiderman costume. Head covered and all. I grabbed my friend's arm to show her. We were in tears, we laughed so hard. She's here jockying me to get the picture quickly before he walks away (hence the blurry ness) and the guy looks up at us and stares at us like we are the crazy ones and we have no business taking the picture. Seriously...I think it's me. I think I am the common link to all the madness. Because I am sure that no one else encounters these types of things on such a regular basis. And like I've said before, I take pictures now so that other people can see the stuff I encounter on a regular basis and laugh with me.

We walk up to Taj and before we go inside, we pass this tile place. In the store window, there are two mannequins adorned in tile, made to look like a bride and groom. I didn't take the bride because...well, I didn't. I did, however, take the groom. Sigh...


They didn't feel like putting a shirt or anything on him, huh? SMH...

Ah well...a good time was had by us at Taj...cupid shuffle and all. Stay tuned for more ramblings and Thursday shenanigans...

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Tears for my Coffee...

I am a coffee addict.

I am a coffee addict.

I am a coffee addict.

I had to say that three different ways. That is how much I adore coffee. I adore its subtle nuances, the way that it perks me up in the morning, its texture and flavors, everything about it. There was one time, when I was working as a program coordinator, running three programs at once, that I would easily devour two grande cups of Starbucks in any given day. In fact, my assistant program coordinator made me give up coffee that year, and substitute the high I would get from it with something else. My staff didn't speak to me for weeks. I was a cranky, irritable person. I weaned myself off coffee for a year and some change. I had one stressful day at my new job...

And then I ran out, bought a coffee IV, and made up for lost time. SMH.

So all this made today even more traumatic when I got to work today, went to buy breakfast, and (gasp!) did not want coffee! I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so distraught! Why didn't I want coffee?? I always want coffee!! I bought a Vitamin Water Energy instead. What's worse is that the past few days, I haven't wanted coffee at all...I got it and didn't finish it...what kind of coffee abuse is this?

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The Switch

I always marvel at how easily my emotions turn on and off...to the
point that I wonder if it's even healthy. When faced with a
potentially emotionally draining situation, I do one of two things:
turn on or shut off.

What does that mean? Well, today, my horoscope said: Sagittarius:
Something hidden will be revealed little by little today. Are you
prepared for the consequences? Start planning, so you're not blindsided.

Now as of late, my horoscope has been 98% accurate. Today was no
different. Just the other day I was actually stressing over how I felt
about this particular situation. Today, I was enlightened...and just
that quickly, I was over it.

Perhaps there is a better emotional response, one that's healthier for
the soul. But this 'switch' I have, it works for me. It's rationally
driven and proven time and time again. As I sit in the park killing
time, watching the sprinklers spray and the kids play, I wonder if I
shouldve done anything differently.

*thinks about it*

Nope, I wouldn't have. It was what I needed, sort of like a season.
The season is over...and now I move on to a new season and, perhaps,
better weather.

Now, having said that...a chick needs a Sam Adams. To the bar I go...

Sent from my iPhone

K. Parris
"I got my start by giving myself a head start".
- Madame CJ Walker

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Going Back To Love

If you're reading this, raise your hand if you've ever been in love.

*crickets creak, tumbleweed rolls by me in the classroom*

So maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. It's what I do, I can't help it. I thought I was in love...a few times. I've been in relationships where I thought that I would do whatever it took to make sure that this relationship worked. One of these subsequent relationships resulted in Michele Alexa. She is my pride and joy.

And then after that, love don't live here no mo'. LOL.

I mean, that's not true. Love is an objective thing and a concept of mind over matter. (I know...I didn't talk about the heart or ANYTHING!!) The thing about the heart is that it's a muscle. It pumps blood to and from other body parts. That's about it. I hate to break it to folks. LOL. Love is, however, the mind going into irrational overdrive. The palms sweating and heart racing is all a matter of your brain registering anxiety over a potentially irrational situation.

Yup, I just turned love into a clinical science. I'm sorry in advance to all my die-hard romantics. (Well, not really. Just felt like the right thing to say. LOL.)

The reason people use the heart when referencing love and romance is because in the pre-Christian era, before people realized that the brain was the center of functioning, people thought the heart was the epicenter of it all. And understandably so, I suppose. It was in the center of everything. I guess it's like thinking the world is flat. I dunno.

But enough random knowledge facts. The point is, love, to me, is something that I haven't actually come upon yet. Not true love. Oh, sure, there are people I like enough. There are people that I liked enough in the past to want to have a relationship with...and den dey crazy asses showed up and dis Caribbean gyul hea ain't wyan no part o dat! LOL. Then there are the 'crush(es)'...not many, but the ones that you know are probably not your best relationship pic no matter what but you just can't help but like them. Those are dangerous because you get all wuk up ova de man and he already let you know (either verbally or nonverbally) that your interest and his interest are not the same interests. Now, unless you're into s&m...this is just abuse for no good reason.

Which leads me to where I am today...single and chillin'. Why? I guess I'm just waiting to see what walks my way. Not searching because this is one of those things that when you seek, you shall not find. It finds you when it's ready. And maybe I'm just not ready so that's why I haven't seen it. What I do know is this...I have this quote on my FB page that sums up what I think love should be:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
- "Captain Corelli's Mandolin", Louis de Bernieres

What do you all think?

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The damn rat and why it makes me paranoid now...

So last night, my best friend and I went out to karaoke for our friend's birthday. We had a nice time...the birthday girl was sufficiently inebriated, and all was well...until we got to the train station.

Now, I don't know how much you all know about the NYC Subway System. It's over 100 years old, probably the oldest subway system in the country. As a result, it is in desperate need of repairing, or, more importantly, cleaning. Another thing about the NYC Subway System is that there is a slight rodent problem. I say slight as probably the biggest understatement next to George W. being a not so bright man.

So the rat. The rats in the subway system have a tendency to run the tracks in search of food. We all know this. The particularly bold ones will come onto the train platform itself late at night for its midnight snack. This particular night was no exception. My friend and I are standing there and these two dudes are walking down the platform rather casually. No biggie. Then all of a sudden, one of them lets out this yelp. So we're standing there like, Huh? Then my friend lets out a small yelp and is like, "Oh!" I look down...and freak out.

The damn rat is on my ankle like he belongs there.

After screeching and doing some hop, skip and jump dance, the rat scurries off down the platform, causing everyone in its wake to scamper, hide, and, well, freak out just a little. Everyone's looking at me with collective looks of pity, horror, and amusement. I done dropped my water bottle...my sweater's on the dirty ground...and I am still shaking my foot in utter terror. The damn rat attacked me! This is some bull-sheet!

I calmed down a little...but not much. Who gets attached by a damn RAT??!? You know who? Me. Only me. I kid you not, the strangest things happen to me. I've begun to tape and/or record some of these things because no one would believe me otherwise, I don't think. Some things are pretty incredulous...and if it wasn't for the fact that it happened to me, I wouldn't believe it.

When the train finally came, I sat down, looked frantically for my sanitizer, and sprayed the hell out of my foot. When I got home, I scrubbed myself clean. This morning, as I got off at West 4th on the way to work, I watched my feet the entire way.

No rat's gonna get me this time. *stuppes*

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25 (or 27) Key Ramblings bout dis Caribbean gyul...

1. My left elbow itches every day at 10:45 pm. Don't ask me how I came to this conclusion.
2. I tried to curb my annoyance when stupidity strikes. It hasn't worked.
3. Tact is pointless when abused. If you're going to use it wrong, you might as well just say what you're thinking.
4. I had a discussion with my inner voice today. After I realized that my inner voice might just be androgynous, it occurred to me that the average person might think I'm talking to myself. *shrugs*
5. I'm working on this promising people things.
6. I'm still learning how to not be so nice.
7. Conversation is mind blowing foreplay.
8. I have come to realize that a smart person gets much further with me.
9. I almost caught myself regretting something in the past earlier. I caught myself just in time.
10. I have some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
11. Facebook has helped me to find really great connections and even greater people.
12. That being said, Facebook has also dimmed many people's abilities to communicate in person.
13. My face is extra warm right now.
14. I have learned that I enjoy...Oh. Wait. My inner voice says I shouldn't put that on this list. LOL.
15. I don't know if I'm going to make it to 25.
16. I can't wait till Wednesday, when I can stay in my bed and not move until it's time to go to class.
17. Something just fell in the kitchen.
18. I'm still feeling extra warm. Wonder what that's about.
19. I write to express the things that I'd rather not say in person. It alleviates the need for me to blab my mouth and become unnecessarily vulnerable.
20. Damn, I still have 5 more to go...
21. Did I mention I hate feeling vulnerable? I mean, I know that being vulnerable is part of being human, but I don't like how I feel when I'm there.
22. I've been getting a lot of compliments on my eyebrows lately. Weird but cool.
23. Being up till 6 in the morning has its benefits. You learn a lot.
24. I cut the hell out of my big toe yesterday when I was giving myself a pedicure. It still hurts.
25. OMG this sugar cookie is BANGING!! I think I'm in a happy place now. Where's my cup of tea...

SIGH. NOW I HAVE LIKE, TWO MORE...

26. I revert to my roots when angered or annoyed. I also revert to my roots when I am comfortable. I feel sorry for people who feel they have to hide who they are.
27. I need people to understand that I am not the average chick/girl. I am me.

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Being a West 'Injun', Part 3

Okok. I ain't kno if dis is de last installment of this series...but I hea, eh?

LOL. Okok. So this is about our loss of culture. Seems to be an epidemic, huh?

Eric Williams.

Grantley Adams.

The West Indian Federation.

Hispaniola.

If none of those names sound familiar to you, then you've got some reading to do. LOL.

Or maybe you don't. It may be of no importance to you. But to me, it is a sad thing. I hear a lot of people when we're out in the club, fussing about soca music or reggae music, saying they don't understand what they're saying. Truth is, sometimes, they're right. My dad would call it 'a ball a tata dey singin'". Sometimes, he's right. Part of the beauty of the so(ul) of ca(lypso) [see? soca?] is that it is enjoyable, lively music, celebrating the season of carnival, which is, of course, more that just 'wukking up yuh waist'. Soca, and, before that, calypso, and, even before that, kaiso, said something in its words. The political struggles of the nation(s) of the Caribbean as a whole were reflected in the music that calypsonians would perform to the people. Men such as Lord Kitchener would talk about the now defunct West Indian Federation, when the major Caribbean islands attempted to form a union to enhance their trade and currency options. The Mighty Sparrow, when he wasn't fussing about 'never eat a white meat yet', talked about Ayatollah Khomeini and the Sheikh of Iran and how much problems they were giving the people. Shadow (or any calypsonian, pick one) could give you an earful about Basdeo Panday and how much of a problem he became.

And it's not just soca and calypso or kaiso. Reggae (not dub or dancehall, but Bob Marley and the Wailers reggae) had a message, too. Beres Hammond, Peter Tosh, Mr. Marley et al., all had a message. It didn't always have to be political in nature. But it was always something to listen to. A lot of current Caribbean music has lost its way, and it is indicative of a lot of the culture losing its way. It's almost as if we are 'trending': the fad of being proud of your country because the flag looks cool 'bout yuh head. I can't begin to tell you how many young people who claim to love Trinidad don't know that Trinidad is a Spanish name. Or that it was owned by three countries before becoming independent. Or that Barbados still has the Queen of England as head of state. Or that Haiti was the first independent Caribbean nation. Or that Jamaica's Rastafari movement relates to Haile Selassie and is not just really cool dreads that smoke weed.

I'm not trying to get preachy here. I had all these things in my mind after watching a Soca Monarch performance by Bunji Garlin. In the performance, he references all these historical musical happenings. And I respect that. He said "if you don't introduce the next generation to this wonderful culture, the culture dies with the greats". Pretty profound. Caribbean culture is dying at a rapid pace...I wonder what can be done about it...

My Caribbean people, what do you think?

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