*dramatic cunt sigh*
I guess it’s time to get a little bit honest.
I know, I know. I’m a Sagittarius. I’m always honest.
But there are sometimes that even we Sags hold on to some stuff for fear of being entirely too brutally honest. If there’s one thing that I know that I’m good for being , it’s brutally honest. And that’s not always a good thing. Sometimes, brutal honesty does not come across in the manner with which you intended. Hence why it’s good to have a filter.
Having said that…
I burnt my filter and used it to smoke a beef brisket. I’m serious.
Perhaps it’s my lack of buns. It could be that. I’ve heard that a lack of sex can sometimes make you cranky. (thinks back to last time) That COULD be it…but it’s not the only thing. Lemme see how I can break this down...
1.
Relationships.
Relationships.
I’m seeing too many people in relationships who were nothing but shitheads to their other relationships…and they manage to be in healthy and happy relationships. There was a time that I would shun jealousy and envy, refusing to submit to them. I’ve recently learned that envy is a natural part of life and perfectly acceptable to feel as such – it makes you human. While I do not envy often, I do envy at times the shitheads that have managed to be blessed with good, healthy relationships. While this feeling of envy is a fleeting one (I don’t want to block my blessings),I do envy it – like, how the hell did you get so damn lucky? I know, I know. Your time is coming…don’t worry about others…trust me, their karma is coming…
Eff that. (KP voice)
Moving on…
2. Friendships.
Sigh. My friendships always seem to be an issue for me. I trust heavily when I feel that the trust is worthwhile. At the same time, when I feel the trust is gone, I get rid of them quickly. But more and more I have been wondering – how good of a friend am I? Is it that my expectations of my friends are entirely too high, and that is why I have to keep ridding myself of them? (Note: I’m not getting rid of anyone. So relax.) I’m thinking that perhaps it is that I have too many people in my life. I think that’s the problem. I don’t need to make cuts – I need to stop bringing so many people into my cot-damn life. The less people in your life, the less you have to worry about their expectations of you and vice versa. After all this time, I’m still too cot-damn nice.
That’s going to change.
Perhaps, because I am the common denominator here…it’s time for me to take the step back and examine me.
3. Love and Shit.
Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
I always love the wrong effing people. No really, I do. I fall for people that I probably have no business falling for. Oh yeah, sure, they teach me a lot and in abundance when I do so, but when I love, that person gets a piece of me. And to tell you the truth, I’m a bit over that. I have half a mind to just hit all the dudes up that I’ve ever fallen for and just be like, “so this is how I felt/feel, can I have my piece of me back?”
I’m serious.
I have some calls to make this evening. Some people will be thrilled with what I have to say. Some will be pissed as hell. Others still may feel indifferent. #shrug. Deal with it. This is ME. And, if I haven’t already mentioned this to you…I’m an intense mother-shut-yo-mouth.
Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that this is a venting post, designed to…well…vent. It has no true bearing on my actions, deeds, or feelings for anyone. Everyone in my life (that I like) is safe for the moment, and will not be cursed out/told off/cut off. #thatisall
As this is a venting post, please feel free to vent as well…
3 comments:
Well hot damn!
I'm not sure what that means...but ok.
That last part about wanting the pieces of yourself which you gave away back reminds me of "somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff" from "for colored girls...."
And take it from your probably-most-anti-social best friend, concentrating your inner circle to just a few loyal, trustworthy individuals does wonders. I am blessed that you are part of my tiny circle which I can count on one hand!
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